What should I do when he doesn't call you the next day after the first date?

[loveliketheflowers]

I'm kind of disappointed. I went out on a date sunday for superbowl with this guy i met online. we went to a restaurant and watched the game then we left during halftime and went back to his house to watch the rest of the game. we were talking and lots of flirting and kissing and stuff....i thought we had a nice time, i was really excited i thought i met someone for the long run...but he hasn't called me since then. i text him and asked i shouldn't of kissed him on the first date and he said he has a great time dont be paranoid...but still i haven't heard from him. i feel really disappointed within myself. i just messed up a good opportunity with probably a nice person because of my bad boundaries and actions. what is wrong with me? i just wanted a friend and i blew it. i dunno what i should do now? should i call or text him and just initiate it to see what is up or going on. or should i just leave it alone and wait for him to possibly contact me and move on. how can i develop some better self-respect for myself when it comes to men and guys so i can get called back again and not just thrown away or dissed or not called back. i really thought we were gonna at least see each other again. and i can't stop thinking about it. i keep checking my phone possesively and hoping and praying that he just call or text me or something. i'm not really sad, just disappointed in myself and that i messed up a nice opportunity. how can i just move on along, and get over this failure?

[Erin Pavlina]

You might be coming across to him as a little needy. Trying to please a man so he'll like you and want to date you smacks of some low self esteem issues. My honest and best advice is that you work on your personal power, confidence, and self esteem before you try to hook up with a partner. Otherwise, in the state you're in you run the risk of attracting guys that will abuse you emotionally, physically, verbally because you're giving your power away to them.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

You might be coming across to him as a little needy. Trying to please a man so he'll like you and want to date you smacks of some low self esteem issues. My honest and best advice is that you work on your personal power, confidence, and self esteem before you try to hook up with a partner. Otherwise, in the state you're in you run the risk of attracting guys that will abuse you emotionally, physically, verbally because you're giving your power away to them.

thank God i have therapy today so i can have someone to talk with....thank you for your advice erin. i still feel bad though and don't know where to start in redeveloping myself or finding my power. but its a process i guess, and i guess it does just take time and i have to have patience. i just wish i can apply the secret NOW and start feeling okay and better and perfect NOW. isn't that how the law of attraction is suppose to go? i keep reading different posts and self development books but keep making the same mistakes or im alone. im just tired of it...

but thank u erin for your advice. hope i can talk with u very soon..very soon.

[loveliketheflowers]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

You might be coming across to him as a little needy. Trying to please a man so he'll like you and want to date you smacks of some low self esteem issues. My honest and best advice is that you work on your personal power, confidence, and self esteem before you try to hook up with a partner. Otherwise, in the state you're in you run the risk of attracting guys that will abuse you emotionally, physically, verbally because you're giving your power away to them.

i must also add this i think, which i think is a problem...i was thinking about him so much after our date sunday. on monday when i woke up i thought about him the whole morning, waiting for him to text me back or call or something. i was thinking and thinking about him and our night and thought that this guy might even be 'the one' that i might marry and stuff....(dumb)...but anyway i was even thinking about his mother who passed when he was fifteen and that maybe she might be looking down and hoping that i may be the one for him and we could have a family and stuff like that...and then i was thinking about manifesting the intention, so i wrote down want i wanted, "Him", and then why it would make me happy and so forth...but still i got nothing. he said we would hang out tuesday, which was yesterday, but he didn't call or text me at all. he text me monday after i had text him saying i regretted being so fast and kissing him so quickly and responded saying don't be so paranoid, he had a great time. but when tuesday came around, i got nothing, no calls, no texts, no emails... i just feel so badly. where was my mind at? what was i thinking about? why didn't u just think and stop obsessing and wanting someone so badly? is this normal?

[Erin Pavlina]

I say what I'm about to say from experience...

Don't let a man or relationship define you. sometimes we get our identity from what we mean to others instead of what we mean to ourselves. In other words, you want to be loved. You wanted him to love you. You tried to make yourself loveable in his eyes. It is only when you love yourself that you will attract a nice healthy relationship.

If I were in your situation, and again I am saying this with 20/20 hindsight, I would not try to date at all until I got in touch with my own personal power. You can only be in a loving relationship with another if you are already in a loving relationship with yourself.

What are your goals right now? What are you working towards achieving?

No man will be able to "make" you happy. No one can make you feel anything. We always choose how we are going to feel. If you're wanting to be happy or be loved, start with simply loving yourself.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by RioroseIsAStar8507

i just wish i can apply the secret NOW and start feeling okay and better and perfect NOW. isn't that how the law of attraction is suppose to go? i keep reading different posts and self development books but keep making the same mistakes or im alone. im just tired of it...

As Rose of Cairo once said, Personal Development is not a sprint, it's a marathon.

So, keep at it, keep perservering and eventually you'll get to where you want to go, and be who you want to be.

[Spartan]

So he doesn't call you the very next day and you freak out??? There is no reason to get so worried after only 1 day. Most people probably wouldn't call until after a week or so, since most people have jobs and other commitments. Also, you shouldn't put all your hopes into one person, you will most likely end up disappointed. Anyway, at least wait a week or so before you start freaking out!

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

I say what I'm about to say from experience...

Don't let a man or relationship define you. sometimes we get our identity from what we mean to others instead of what we mean to ourselves. In other words, you want to be loved. You wanted him to love you. You tried to make yourself loveable in his eyes. It is only when you love yourself that you will attract a nice healthy relationship.

Yes, yes, yes! This is very good (yet often difficult) advice. Ohh, I hope you read this and give it some thought. Good luck.

[uberinquisitive]

RioRoseIsaStar - I've been in your shoes. So, I totally understand the insecurity you feel right now. A lot of women deal with this issue.

I don't know your history, but I'm guessing you've had some abandonment issues and some tough times in your past. Be kind to yourself - you've been one way for over 20 years...it takes time to undo so many years of programming!

Keep on reading the books, keep on posting, keep on aggressively pursuing personal development. You are starting to change, but it's still subtle so you may not see it. Over time, the change will accumulate into something pretty extraordinary.

In the meantime - start looking for other guys to date. Dating is a numbers game. The more you date, the easier it is to see that you have ALOT of choices. In fact, you may want to date 4 or 5 different guys at a time. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

When you to shop for a new car...do you just buy the first car that seems acceptable? No way! You have an idea of the make, model, your budget, new vs. used, color. And then you shop around. You look for the best deal.

What about a new house? Would you just buy the first one that came your way?

So, find out what sort of man you want. And then shop around. There is no shame in looking for the best deal. You are worth it.

[Spartan]

Uberinquisitive I don't really agree with your advice on dating more than one person at a time; to me that is just dishonest and immoral. If I was dating a girl and found out she was dating another guy, I would instantly be turned off - I would see her as selfish and untrustworthy. If you are already dating one person you shouldn't (in my ethical opinion) agree to have a date with someone else, unless you let the other person know that you plan to do this, so they can decide if they are still interested in someone who likes to play around.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Uberinquisitive I don't really agree with your advice on dating more than one person at a time; to me that is just dishonest and immoral. If I was dating a girl and found out she was dating another guy, I would instantly be turned off - I would see her as selfish and untrustworthy. If you are already dating one person you shouldn't (in my ethical opinion) agree to have a date with someone else, unless you let the other person know that you plan to do this, so they can decide if they are still interested in someone who likes to play around.

Well then...you should never go out with me!

Or any of my friends.
Or most women in NYC.


Fortunately, the guy who ended up being my bf saw it very differently. He "won" me. I chose him, out of every guy I was dating at the time. So I guess I "won" him, too. We both won.

[dancer]

Hi Rio,

You have received great advice and I'm not sure I can add so much... except keep on discovering who you are and what you want.

How can you fill the hole inside that you feel this guy could fill? When we place the responsibility of our happiness on another we are setting ourselves up for unhappiness.

Be clear about what qualities you are looking for in a partner and use LOA to manifest someone who is a match. Perhaps, this guy is a match, but if he's not, trust the match will come. Be patient. It's an adventure, enjoy the journey of discovering someone for who they are and not who you think they are. Cause all that thinking you've been doing is about you, not him.
You wanted this guy to be a friend, treat him like a friend.

Get busy with your life and you will find you are not hanging around waiting for the phone to ring.

Thanks for posting, I learnt something about myself.

Oh, and I totally don't get not kissing on the first date???? What's that about? Sounds like a guilt trip. Would be happy if someone explained it to me.

Love

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by dancer

Oh, and I totally don't get not kissing on the first date???? What's that about? Sounds like a guilt trip. Would be happy if someone explained it to me.

Agreed. If the chemistry is there, and the magic is there, kissing on the first date is totally appropriate.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Well then...you should never go out with me!

Or any of my friends.
Or most women in NYC.


Fortunately, the guy who ended up being my bf saw it very differently. He "won" me. I chose him, out of every guy I was dating at the time. So I guess I "won" him, too. We both won.

I pity bachelors in NYC.

Fortunately I'm from the Uk, where we don't treat people as trophies to be won.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I pity bachelors in NYC.

Fortunately I'm from the Uk, where we don't treat people as trophies to be won.

I pity the bachelors and bachelorette in the UK who don't get the same chance to make sure their partners is the best fit for them

edit: You know, on reflection, maybe it's a continental difference of the word "dating". Here, in the U.S, dating simply means a guy and a woman who may have romantic/sexual interest in each other so they go out and do something together. It does not mean that you're committed to each other at all. Dating can include anything from a simple meeting with no kissing, to having sex, but yet not being fully committed to a one on one relationship. My understanding is that in some countries in Europe, the term "dating" may be more strict.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I pity the bachelors and bachelorette in the UK who don't get the same chance to make sure their partners is the best fit for them

edit: You know, on reflection, maybe it's a continental difference of the word "dating". Here, in the U.S, dating simply means a guy and a woman who may have romantic/sexual interest in each other so they go out and do something together. It does not mean that you're committed to each other at all. Dating can include anything from a simple meeting with no kissing, to having sex, but yet not being fully committed to a one on one relationship. My understanding is that in some countries in Europe, the term "dating" may be more strict.

Yes, I think I may have misunderstood the term 'dating'.

[loveliketheflowers]

since yesterday when i posted this, i really took a deep breath and chilled out. I took all of your advice and made a decision to just focus on myself and not worry about the eternal at the moment, since i have a lot of healing and work to do within my own self. since i did that, the guy did call me and invited me on a second date last nite! and i didn't kiss him and told him i just want to get to know him first before i get too emotionally carried away. so no kissing last nite. and surprisngly i had an even better time, not worried about being with him, having him like me, a relationship, blah blah....i was thinking more about getting to know him and asking him questions and he got to know me and asked me questions, and we had a pretty long and interesting conversation about our goals and what we wanted and high school and college experiences. i don't know what is going to happen with him, and i don't care much at all now. i care more about my own well being because no person can make me happy if i'm not happy and loving myself. i really want that more now, self-respect and self-love.

i had a good day too today...i had my first yoga class today, it was kundalini yoga. it was very nice, after my class i felt so in tune with my spirit and i just kept smiling and kept blessing and thanking God for the day and being alive and the lil small things that would happen to me today.

i just thank u all so much for all your advice. i hope you all are well, good, blessed, and loved. i love u.

[Erin Pavlina]

Work it girlfriend! Sounds like you had a fabulous day! Keep up the good vibes.

[dancer]

Wow. YOU created that wonderful day you had yesterday. I sense there are many more like it on your horizon. I admire you and you inspire me.

Lots of love