Dealing with criticism

[brendannz]

Hi everyone.

OK I have a problem. I have a "friend" in my social group, and she criticizes me quite often, in front of other people. She said to me once "Are you aware that you talk funny?"

It seems to me that she is just a nasty manipulative type..

Or maybe I am just too sensitive to criticism. But seems more like she is the nasty type. Anyone have any suggestions with how I should deal with this?

I thought one would be to tell her honestly that she is the most horrible person I know, and not actually worth speaking to anyway. Which, would be an honest truth.

I talk on phones in my job, and my boss says I speak clearly.

[introspective1]

That does not sound like criticism to me. Telling someone they talk funny is an insult...I should know...people tell me that sometimes. Tell your friend that you dont like being talked to like that and if they dont make changes then find you a new friend

[uberinquisitive]

What do your other "friends" do when she makes fun of you? it sounds like a toxic social group.

If so, why are you hanging out with these people?

[DayInTheLife]

Good questions above. I can't help but wonder why you hang out with this person.

I don't think anything you can say will change that impulse of hers to criticize. She may not even be aware she's doing it. Her parents probably had the same habit.

If it were me I'd calmly call her out on it, in front of everybody, right when she makes the comment. "Any other part of me you'd like to criticize? My hair maybe? Clothes?" or something similar, and just wait for a response. I don't know if that's good advice, but it's what I would probably do.

[JimOfferman]

Here's the thing about criticism: everybody has an opinion. Sometimes you do wise to listen to that opinion, most times you do wiser to ignore it. You get to decide when to do what. You decide if someone's criticisms should affect you or not.

So she says you talk funny. Tell her thanks for noticing and then move on. If she is the hundredth person to say so in a short time span, then you might want to worry if you need to work on your speech. Otherwise it's just another opinion that doesn't really matter. Let her think you talk funny. Big deal. You are perfectly happy with the way you speak.

People always tell me that I should speak louder, but speaking louder to me sounds like shouting in my head. I don't like the idea of having the shout all the time, just so a wider percentile of the general population can understand me.

I don't care about the population at large, but I do care about my family, friends and the people I work with. They are my measure. And they all seem to be perfectly capable of hearing me - so no shouting!

[brendannz]

Thanks! I'm not too fussed now. Needed to put it into perspective I guess..

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

What do your other "friends" do when she makes fun of you? it sounds like a toxic social group.

If so, why are you hanging out with these people?

she said this last thing privately "are you aware you talk funny" when my friend went to the bathroom, so probably aware she's being nasty.. She's actually a friend of a friend. I should be able to deal with it, I might avoid contact with her if possible. The people are pretty cool, I just don't really understand why they want to hang out with her..