Step 2

[European38]

Hiya guys thanks for all your help with my previous posts. I think I may have moved into the second phase of my "recovery". Ive now come to realise that if I am ever going to be happy I have to decide that my happiness is more important than what other people think of me, in a nut shell I have come to realise that happiness comes from within and for me to be happy means me deciding to react differently internally to external events. Anyway the penny has dropped on this but I have another question. I have all these feelings of inadequacy. I feel I am rubbish company and that I am not fun or interesting or enjoyable to be around. I amen't sure whether these feelings are even true to be honest but they are huge and I am finding it very difficult to let go of them. At the moment I have avoided any sort of social interaction and am living in a cocoon. I realise I am socially phobic and I realise this can't go on. My question is what should I do with these feelings when they come up. Should I just squash them away and put my attention somewhere else or is that just ignoring the issue, I just don't know what to do with them when they come up??? any advice would be great, thanks xx

[Vasilisa]

You concentrate on youself too much, pay more attention to other people, to their needs. When somebody talks to you concentrate on what a person is saying to you and react accordingly. If somebody behaves like you don't matter, just shake it off and don't react, don't pay attention to it. When somebody is nice to you, pay a great deal of attention to it. Be greateful, think about it a lot, think how many nice people around, how wonderfully they treat each other. Just dwell on others beeing nice and wonderful. And it all will be coming around more and more.
Have fun, don't take yourself so seriously.

[European38]

ye I know what you mean, like give the good things more weight than the bad things. So when these feelings come up I should just not give them weight?

[Vasilisa]

That's what I am doing and it usually helps. If I start thinking more about other people's feelings and letting go any thought of how I look at the moment of communication, people get much more interested in talking to me.
Say, I just keep in mind a thought of how I can help this person to feel good, to open up, to get something good from interaction. And it's not for proving myself but for other people's wellness.
If I start obsessing about being interesting, funny, popular or whatever -that's it, I will behave awkward, unnatural and clumsy.

[Vasilisa]

If a thought about not being interesting or funny comes around I am just saying to myself: "Yes, o.k. But I am able to contribute to other people's feeling funny and interesting around me". So, I start paying attention to others, smiling, thinking how I can help.
All people have insecurities and inner pains.
So my struggle is just forget about my pain and try to figure out how I can help others to overcome theirs. For me it does miracles!
In the bottom of my heart I also think I am not very interesting and so on ( at least not as interesting as many other people I know ), but I don't care that much any more.