Stubborn People

[Authority]

How do you deal with stubborn people? My girlfriend is dating this guy. Whenever they have an argument or he just upset, he wont talk. She will beg and plead with him to open up. One time she went out of town to visit his sick mother. They drove 4 hours oneway. On the way there, they got into an argument. Once they arrived at his mom's house he told her to go home. He said that his mom was sick and he did not want to argue. She was done arguing and she begged him to let her stay. She sat outside his mom's house for 2 hours crying and pleading to talk to him. He just ignored her, no response. Finally, she decided to leave. 30 mins into her commute, he called saying his mom looked really bad and he needed her. Naturally, she went back.
I couldn't believe it. She was sitting outside his mom's house crying. He got in his mom's car and went to the hospital. He drove right past his girlfriend. Once he decides to do something. He doesn't care how it makes you feel or if he's wrong or right. I don't understand how you can love someone and watch them suffer? I think he plays lots of games. He was living with her and did not contribute financially. She says he broke his lease so therefore he still had to pay rent for another 60 days. However, while living with her free, he starts working out with a personal trainer. This trainer charged 45$ an hour. He cant give her any money but, he can pay a trainer? I wish she could see what I see. He is very selfish,stubborn and manipulative. I know she loves him dearly, thats the problem he knows it too.

[Angela]

So whose stubbornness can you do anything about?

-- the stubborn boyfriend, who chooses to be in the relationship with your friend, and it looks like it's working out pretty well for him;

-- the stubborn girlfriend, who chooses to be in a relationship with him, who loves him, and who is also getting something out of it that you're not seeing;

or

-- the stubborn you, who is over there in those two people's business?

If I were you, I'd take action in the one stop where I could make a difference. I realize you love your friend and don't want to see her in pain, but her pain is a result of her own free choices, and she's learning what she needs to learn -- you can't learn it for her. I'm not saying you shouldn't voice your opinion. But once you've done that, her life is up to her, and my guess is that you belaboring your objections will only cause her more pain and resistance. She doesn't need fixing.

Now: what is possible for YOU out of your complaint about being stubborn? Where can you see that you being stubborn is an opportunity for your own growth?

[ken nubo]

Hey Authority,

I think it's fine and dandy what your "girlfriend" is going through, it's her own personal lesson.