Should I Tell Her The Truth

[vir_maha]

I am going to be engaged in few days , its a arranged marriage.

I am in lots of tension because I have told her all about myself but one thing i am not able to tell her is that i am having some kind of anxiety disorder and i am taking medicines for that. As this is a arrange marriage and we are talking for more than a month and during these days I came to know that she hate liars and she wants that i tell her all the truth about myself.

So please help me...should i tell her before marriage or let it come out naturally after marriage. What my heart says that I should tell her about this but I am not aware what will be the effects of this on our relationships and what our parents will think.

[NotesMaeve]

I'm a very Western girl who doesn't "get" arranged marriages, but I would tell my fiance. She needs to know. Your parents don't have to be married to you. She does. Her problems are yours. It's like your doctor not telling you about a condition you have when he first finds it because it might upset you. You NEED to know.

[Terumoto]

I agree, definitely tell her. There is no reason for you not to.

[Calisto]

Yes, I agree. You must tell her. It may not be a problem but it may cause a few if you don't tell her.

[Rose of Cairo]

One more voice for "tell her" here. It wouldn't be fair not to tell her. She's about to take a life altering decision, so she's got the right to know about what exactly she's deciding. Maybe your anxiety disorder will never play any role later, but it's only fair to tell her honestly what she has to expect if she says yes.


edit: Plus, imagine you don't tell her, and later she finds your medicines (do you really think you can hide them from your wife??), that could kill your marriage.

[fourthdan]

Out of curiosity, is she being open and honest about herself with you? It's an arranged marraige, and I assume you're just getting to know her so things might be at an awkard phase between you two...

But I also agree with everyone else. Be straight and totally transparent with her.

[Angela]

Tell her, not only for her sake, but for yours as well. If you don't, won't the strain of withholding something so important from your most sacred partner in life generate even more anxiety for you? Set yourself free; let her enter with informed consent and help you, or let her get out of the deal if she's unable to cope. Don't you owe yourself a wonderful marriage?

[ThoughtAddict]

I'll add my voice to those saying to tell her. I don't think it is lying if you don't, but you're already feeling like this is an honesty issue for you. The question is whether you want to be honest or dishonest in this situation.

Be honest, for yourself and for your future wife. I wish you both all the best.

[seeker5]

Yes, I agree tell her. For both of your sakes and for the sake of your relationship. For her sake because she should know when entering something like that so she can prepare herself to deal with it. That way she won't feel you duped her. For your sake so you feel relieved and honest, and you'll have someone there to help you deal with it. Always great to have an ally to help you deal with your problems. For your relationship because by being upfront and honest about the worst of your trouble, then she can feel relaxed that you will be upfront later on when things happen instead of trying to hide it from her. She'll be able to better trust you to be honest with her.

If she and her parents decide not to marry you because of that, then great. Better know now before the wedding then know later after all the stuff.

[jennifer]

i agree with everyone that you should tell her. this woman is going to spend the rest of her life with you, love and support you and need your love and support in return. if your marriage is to work, shouldnt it be built on trust and honesty rather than lies and secrets?
if shes the one for you then she will understand and be there for you, if she reacts badly and decides not to be with you, atleast you found out what kind of a person she is before you married her!

[uberinquisitive]

Tell her. Sincerely apologize for keeping this from her.

If she can't handle the anxiety disorder, then it's better to know that now than later. You need someone compassionate and understanding; if she is the right woman for you, she may be disappointed you hid this from her, but she will understand that you were afraid. And she will give you credit for telling her now.