Status since my post "Powerless"

[charlie1]

Hi this is charlie (im 15)
Remember my post called powerless? I think its on the 3rd page...
I HAD TO MAKE A SECOND POST ON THIS THREAD BECUASE I RAN OUT OF ROOM, READ BOTH BEFORE YOU REPLY.

Okay well jessica broke up with me last monday on january 14th... Im doing really bad...

Everything was going great, our parents met and started letting us go to each others houses, which we've been waiting on for a long time and were very happy, but then this happened...
Okay well here is the story...

ok after i got the advice from everyone on the forums, i started being a new guy and quit worrying and getting jealous, and learned to trust her talking with that james guy...

Things were going great. A few weekends after christmas she and her mom came to my house and our moms hung out with each other and me and jessica just had a great time.. Hugging and kissing and saying we love each other... After that she wouldnt stop tellin me how much fun she had and how much she already misses me and stuff... That was on a saturday.. The next school week was pretty boring.. she wasnt texting me much at all and we go to seperate schools so we dont see each other at school. But she had planned for me to come over that weekend because she said she misses me and really wants to see me (on saturday). So i got my hopes up and stuff. but that friday i felt depressed like i didnt wanna do anything and we didnt talk pretty much all day. and that night i said to her, so what time do u need me to come over tomorrow? and she said well im staying with shelbie (friend) tonight and i dont know yet. Then saturday came and i didnt get to see her because she stayed with shelbie all day... So i got kind of mad because she all of a sudden changed her plans... That day she kept saying i wasnt acting myself and asking whats wrong honey and stuff.. and i really wasnt acting myself, like i wasnt calling her babe or stuff like that like i usually do. and it kind of upset her. I told her its just because i was cranky cause of lack of sleep, and i was.. Then sunday came and i was back to normall but she seemed kind of upset and wouldnt talk much. I was trying to apologize all day and then she stopped texting me back at around 8pm. and i texted her a few more times saying helloo?? or something like that and i woke her up, i didnt know she fell asleep. And she went off on me. SHe was like o my gosh i feel asleep becaused u texted me so much damnit.. she seemed pissed and i was like well ok sorry ill stop texting u. and she said well im up now! so we texted a little more and she was saying how i can get annoying sometimes and stuff. then that night at around 10pm her brother texted me and was really upset because of something i said months ago. About how i said i would kill/hurt myself if she ever left me.. She told him that night and he was pissed.. I kept telling him i didnt mean that at all (because i didnt mean it) and that i told her i didnt mean it..and he was calling me an emo and stuff and said he would beat my ass. But then he was like well im going to bed, we'll talk about this tomorrow.. so he went to sleep and i just laid there and a few minutes later jessica texts me and said Yo.. She usually says hey babe or something.. and she called me dude (she never does) and then she went to sleep and all she said was night. not night, i love you like she usually says... then monday came.. i was depressed because of that weekend, and we didnt talk much that day until a few hours after school she said Yo, i didnt reply then she said yo again. i finally text her back and ask why shes talking/acting like this.. She replied, this is how i always am. and i was like well not to me. THen she was like whatever. And seemed like she was getting mad, so i said im sorry for last weekend, how i didnt act myself and how i woke her up. and she was like ya.. then i tried to change the subject by saying how was your day. Then she sent me a message that said, "charlie we need to talk"... i knew what was coming and i said, "Jessica, i didnt do anything that bad this weekend did i? and said stuff about how everything has been going great exept for this one weekend. and she said, im sorry things just arent working out anymore. i said a few more things and she said, its over charlie, im sorry. I said a few more things about how it was just one bad weekend and to not do this, and she said im sorry im just not gonna take the risk of getting hurt evey other weekend.... i couldnt believe it... i got my laptop and went and sat in the den and got on facebook and saw she already removed everything about me from her profile.. It hurt me alot and she knew and said its hard on her too.. i cried and stuff and just sat there all day... The next day she talked to my friend tanner and told him she doesnt know if leaving me is her finall decision.. and that night she sent me a message on facebook and it said, "I dont know if this is my finall decision or not ok, i do love you, i do. i still havent taken the ring of my finger, or stopped hugging my stuffed unicorn! (the things i gave here), i dont know yet, just give me time to think char.." I said, i understand, and said how sorry i am and that i just need a second chance to prove i'd be a better guy and said im giving her all the time she needs to think... And she said thanks for understanding sweetie. and said well im going to bed, u can text me if you want. So she went to bed, but i didnt text her, and she sent me a text that said, "No matter what i decide, ill NEVER take this ring off and never stop loving you." and i said okay. and we went to bed. and she talked to my friend at her school about the same stuff.

A few days ago she said she really misses me and is still thinking.

I think it was 2 nights ago when i went to her facebook and looked at her Status and it said, "Jessica steed is wishing something would happen to put me and you together distance is the only thing keeping us apart baby! i love you!" TALKING ABOUT JAMES!!!!!!

i looked at his status and it said "James poe

is saying one day there won't be any distance between and i'll always love you."


This just killed me... I TRUSTED her when the told me she didnt like him and that she loves me and no-one else. (which was about 1 month ago)
(CONTINUED ON SECOND POST)

[charlie1]

Before i saw her status that night she texted me and was like how are you doing? (she says this everynight) and i said i dunno, ok i guesse and asked her how she was doing and she said better... We kept talking and then i saw her status and said, "Wait you and james are together???" Then she said no haha Y? and i said i saw your status and she was like o well no we arent together.... i said ...ok.... and she was asking if i was mad at her for making me wait and i said no, and i said, "I was starting to just not care, but then i read your status and realized i do..." and she said, "so you were just moving on? forgetting me??? and i said no, i wont ever forget you and no im not moving on and she replied "ok.." o and before that (after i said something about the status), she said miss u, i really do, im still thinking... and i was like ok ok.. She did most of the talking that night and started talking about random stuff, and i said something like, well im going to bed, night. and she said ok night. so we stopped talking then a few minutes later she sent me a message that said, "Remember the first time we kissed ha i was so scared but i did." and i said of course... Then she said, "i was terrified... i was scared u didnt want to, that u were gonna think it was to fast. then i said, well it was like the perfect moment. and she said ha well i did it ha =). then i said, i know. then she said, "ha and of course the first time we made out was at a football game on top fo the bleahchers haha" i said uh ya i know why? and she said, "Just thought it would make u smile, it makde me, sorry if i bothered u." i said yeah it made me smile... and she said good.. and said well i'll let u go, and i said no ill stay up if u wanna talk. and she said "I've already started balling =(" i said why? she said, " I do this, i think about our good times and i cry because i think this is a bad choice. but then i thnk of other times and think it is a good choice... and i said well either way, its your choice.. and she said well im going to bed, night. (i've told her how i need a second chance to prove i'd be a better guy and wouldnt hurt her anyomre)...
Then the next night (which was lastnight) she asked how my day was and i told her. then a few minutes later i said everything is changing... she was like what ya mean? and i said im changing, im hanging out with new friends at school, getting invited to parties, and acting alot different.. she said o well sounds like your better off without me anyways... i said no, and she said yes. I said no ok, now that im hanging out with theses guys im probably gonna start drinking and smoking and getting into fights, and she was like. you better not charlie... and i was like yeah.. and she said your smarter than that.. and i said, well i now i have to fit in, i cant be myself anymore if im gonna fit in with these people (theres nobody at my school thats like me, jessica was the only one who was anything like me) then she said, "charlie if u try to fit in, if you try to be like one of them, im not taking u back"
then i said something like well i cant be myself anymore now that i dont have u, i have to make new friends" and she said thats just stupid, just because im not in ur life doesnt give u the reason to be like one of them, thats retarted... and said gosh all u care about is fitting in, ugh im begining to think i was all wrong about you... and i said, well you thought i was a whinny little emo kid.. and she said, no charlie, i thought you were a nice guy who didnt care if he fit in or not, and didnt care what others think of him... i said, well this is what people expect and want me to be. and she was like who cares what others expect and want!, all i know is, you've definatley changed my mind about you.. We kept talking and she said if you change and become someone i dont like, then im not taking you back.. So i said ok, i wont ok, i just wanna be perfect for you and dont want u to think im a whinny emo and stuff.... eventually that night we agreed that i wouldnt change like that and i said you wont notice any change in me besides me not hurting you anymore, and she said okay..
and we went to bed...

Okay well thats the current status for now... Shes still thinking and im still waiting...
I love her so much and i need her... Really.. i dont want any other girl.. I know we can be happy together and i want her to be happy and i KNOW she was happy before that bad weekend.
Ok well thats it,
i'd really appreciate it if you could give me some advice on all this.. If you think she will come back or not? what i should do or say?... i really want her back.. okay thats it

Heres a picture of me and her at my house (that great weekend i was talking about) http://a994.ac-images.myspacecdn.com...9b0cc2fba1.jpg
O and by the way, about james. He and jessica agreed that they cannot date each other or be in a relationship because they live far away from her.

[Fullcrum]

Hey man, I'm 16.

I just wanna tell you. This story...you are not a special snowflake. Seriously, you think this situation is unique to you?

C'mon dude, you're acting needy. You're insecure. You can't get the "one special girl" without being good with girls in general.

Second dude, you gotta make it more readable. I mean this was a very tough read, and not in an intellectual sense. Hey, don't be hurt, just get better at writing stuff like this.

There's nothing to be hurt for.

Be in the Now. Still your mind for just one moment and stop feeding your pain - there is something inside you that loves the pain. Take the Eckhart Tolle challenge for 30 days as found in the "Emotional Mastery" forum. I'm doing it, you can too.

At least you came out with it. For that I commend you. Extremely highly. This is your LEVERAGE to get better at this stuff. Make a COMMITMENT to get better with girls and not be needy. Become a cool dude.

[charlie1]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Hey man, I'm 16.

I just wanna tell you. This story...you are not a special snowflake. Seriously, you think this situation is unique to you?

C'mon dude, you're acting needy. You're insecure. You can't get the "one special girl" without being good with girls in general.

Second dude, you gotta make it more readable. I mean this was a very tough read, and not in an intellectual sense. Hey, don't be hurt, just get better at writing stuff like this.

There's nothing to be hurt for.

Be in the Now. Still your mind for just one moment and stop feeding your pain - there is something inside you that loves the pain. Take the Eckhart Tolle challenge for 30 days as found in the "Emotional Mastery" forum. I'm doing it, you can too.

At least you came out with it. For that I commend you. Extremely highly. This is your LEVERAGE to get better at this stuff. Make a COMMITMENT to get better with girls and not be needy. Become a cool dude.

Yeah i know its hard to read.
sorry

[Fullcrum]

S'alright.

Anyway, what are you gonna implement? More stillness? Going out? You need to take action, don't be stuck forever!