Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Angela · 01-23-2008, 07:16 PM

I came across this article in Oprah magazine, of all places, and see that it's reprinted on msn.com. It's about highly defensive people and how to deal with them effectively. Maybe you'll find it useful.

Fun quote: "(highly defensive persons) are sensitive the way a truckload of TNT is sensitive. Virtually any bump or jostle causes them to explode, often harming others."

HDPs

{aspiring_to_clarity} · 01-23-2008, 07:17 PM

I love Martha Beck. She used to write for Real Simple and I always found her articles very helpful. Also, she's pretty funny.

jawillie · 01-23-2008, 07:24 PM

Seriously, I used to be a HDP. But over the past year I have been shown how incredibly harmful it is and I am working on changing that.

Dr. Wayne Dyer helped me here... I like the quote, "I would rather be loving than 'right.'"

Now I think about how I want to make someone feel. Do I REALLY want to bash someone down just so my opinion gets out there? No, I don't. I don't really think I am "taking the high road" though. I just don't want to make someone feel bad for having (GASP) a different opinion from me.

There are certain issues that still press my HDP button, though, so I have to tread lightly and really think about what to say. But, I am better than I was!

andrew · 01-23-2008, 07:25 PM

Good read. I like how the author related it to reptiles; it made perfect sense.

It's really hard to not get defensive when you say something nice and they take it as an attack. These kinds of people are luckily very easy to spot, and quickly mark as 'avoid'.

{aspiring_to_clarity} · 01-23-2008, 07:26 PM

Now that I've actually read the article...I do have some characteristics of an HDP. I am going to have to do something about that! When you see it written out like that you just kind of go..."oh, that's how it sounds to other people...no wonder."

I wonder how Joanna felt about being the subject of this article!

Angela · 01-23-2008, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Say it now, to feel it in your mouth and mind. Repeat the whole classic mantra: "All is well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well." Feel how this soothes your inner lizard. It works so well I don't even care if it's true..

I love this, and I hope I can remember it the next time my Inner Lizard (or someone else's) acts up! Although I think the short version, "All is well", is a little snappier and easier for me to remember.

Lola · 01-24-2008, 03:31 AM

So what's your point with this Angela? Trying to tell me something?

I've repeated this quote to myself for ever. It's beautifully reassuring. And true.

Quote:

All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

Julian of Norwich

Old Soul · 01-24-2008, 12:44 PM

Quote:

"(highly defensive persons) are sensitive the way a truckload of TNT is sensitive. Virtually any bump or jostle causes them to explode, often harming others."

very true indeed!! good quote

DayInTheLife · 01-28-2008, 06:24 PM

This article describes my ex perfectly.

iChaz · 01-29-2008, 11:34 PM

ARE YOU INFERRING THAT I'M HIGHLY DEFENSIVE??!!??!!?

Good article, I've come across a few of these ones!

01-23-2008, 07:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	Highly Defensive Persons: All is Well! I came across this article in Oprah magazine, of all places, and see that it's reprinted on msn.com. It's about highly defensive people and how to deal with them effectively. Maybe you'll find it useful. Fun quote: "(highly defensive persons) are sensitive the way a truckload of TNT is sensitive. Virtually any bump or jostle causes them to explode, often harming others." HDPs

01-23-2008, 07:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
{aspiring_to_clarity} Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas, USA Posts: 3,709 ${aspiring_to_clarity} will become famous soon enough$	I love Martha Beck. She used to write for Real Simple and I always found her articles very helpful. Also, she's pretty funny. Last edited by {aspiring_to_clarity}; 01-23-2008 at 07:20 PM.
${aspiring_to_clarity} is offline$

01-23-2008, 07:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
{aspiring_to_clarity} Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas, USA Posts: 3,709 ${aspiring_to_clarity} will become famous soon enough$	Now that I've actually read the article...I do have some characteristics of an HDP. I am going to have to do something about that! When you see it written out like that you just kind of go..."oh, that's how it sounds to other people...no wonder." I wonder how Joanna felt about being the subject of this article!
${aspiring_to_clarity} is offline$

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01-23-2008, 07:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
jawillie Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Minnesota Posts: 591	Seriously, I used to be a HDP. But over the past year I have been shown how incredibly harmful it is and I am working on changing that. Dr. Wayne Dyer helped me here... I like the quote, "I would rather be loving than 'right.'" Now I think about how I want to make someone feel. Do I REALLY want to bash someone down just so my opinion gets out there? No, I don't. I don't really think I am "taking the high road" though. I just don't want to make someone feel bad for having (GASP) a different opinion from me. There are certain issues that still press my HDP button, though, so I have to tread lightly and really think about what to say. But, I am better than I was!

01-23-2008, 07:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
andrew Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California, USA Posts: 593	Good read. I like how the author related it to reptiles; it made perfect sense. It's really hard to not get defensive when you say something nice and they take it as an attack. These kinds of people are luckily very easy to spot, and quickly mark as 'avoid'.

01-28-2008, 06:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
DayInTheLife Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 252	This article describes my ex perfectly.

01-29-2008, 11:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
iChaz Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 3	ARE YOU INFERRING THAT I'M HIGHLY DEFENSIVE??!!??!!? Good article, I've come across a few of these ones!

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums