loyality to a friend

[coLLege kid07]

My post is kinda of along the lines of Intrinsicalitys' but not having to do with personality disorders or anything of that type.

Currently I'm living with a roommate who at times can be kinda negative. He always says things like, "Whoa, your pretty bad...I heard that part was easy" in a negative sarcastic kinda of way. (In case your wondering he says that alot while I'm playing Guitar hero lol) Also when hanging out with him sometimes he tends to say alot of racial slurs and many racist jokes.

I'd like to think most people have good intentions but I just can't take him pulling me down anymore. I've noticed at times that I seem to be somewhat negative, but I can honestly say its him not me.

I'm not exactly sure what to do. Should I just do my best to accept the situation or should I find someway to run and get out of my situation? Any advice would be great help. Thanks everyone.

(Also for more backround...I'm done alot of work in accessing "The Power of Now" and also feel I've made great strides in discovering my sense of self.)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Have you talked to him about the way his comments make you feel?

[Zomer Briez]

My room-mate also insults me quite often, but it's not just to me, he insults everyone (especially behind their backs)

People who do this are either obsessed with being better than other people or they have a lot of insecurities about themselves, and insulting other people makes them feel superior and good about themselves.

Insulting other people is the same as complimenting yourself.

(Everyone does it, in-fact I'm somewhat doing it right now)

But, besides those obvious-ties that you probably already know...

Thinking about how immature he is for insulting other people and how he probably does it to everyone else too will help nullify what he says.

Either that or just get away from him.
I don't think talking to him about it or implying anything about it too him will make him stop, but you can try...

[andrew]

I'm the type of person who would say "dude you suck, lemme see that, I'm going to kick your ass" to a good friend in the game situation, and proceed to suck as much as he did. Of course we'd all be laughing whilst. I'm very sarcastic/borderline mean a lot of the time, but the intentions are all in good fun, and I can, and enjoy, getting it back. For me it's not about putting people down to make myself feel better, I just like teasing people I like in a fun way. Sometimes I over do it, yes, but most of the time it's fun. (I do have to work on being a bit nicer though )

So, the whole point of telling you about me, is to make sure your friend isn't like that, and you're just overly sensitive. It appears to me though, that this is not the case, and he is actually a negative insecure person. Being the type of person I am, I can easily tell who's more like me, or who's actually being a jerk for real.

Since he does it behind their backs, and it's insulting, not just teasing, I think he's being actually a jerk, and you need to call him on it, or do something about it yourself, like move.

[LifeFirst]

Get revenge.

[ken nubo]

Meh, who cares what he says? If it hurts your gentle spirit, you need a thicker coat of skin.

But if he humiliates you in public, I recommend you pee on his tooth brush. There is just something classy about that.

[sheffy4]

It is really hard to be around people like that. If he wasn't your roommate, I would tell you to just stop hanging out with him, but since you are roommates, let him know clearly that you don't appreciate his negative talk and racial slurs, and while you play Guitar Hero, use head phones and turn up the sound!
Also, I would recommend Steve's article, "Are Your Friends an Elevator or a Cage?"