One of my biggest troubles. Need help!

[Zane]

i'm 17 years old and i broke up with my first love 3 months ago, she had to go abroad to study as her parents willing. The time she'll stay there is estimated as 6 years (she's now learning high school in Melbourne), and i've never been so sure for our relation. Then, after 3 weeks since she went away, i broke up with her, but we intended to be best friends, she got new guy, who has responsibility for taking care of her, which i can't do anymore. And whenever i talk to her, i just get sadness, she shares me about her new life, new guy, new friends, how she lives there, and without me! it seems that she doesn't care about me anymore, though we are friends, and i just share her as much as i can! i give her advices, i encourage her when she's lonely, i do everything i can! but i feel that she doesn't try to help me with my troubles, when i said to her " i don't know why, but i think you can't share me." and she said: " really? i don't know, i've got new life". She's a kind girl, the best one i've ever met, she's so innocent!
I keep chatting with her whenever i see her online, but i never feel happy, i once decided to cut off. I thought i could forget her if i don't see her anymore, but it's not, when i did so, she was shocked badly, disappointed, i said: "i don't wanna talk to you anymore, plz get out of my life."
and in the next few days, i just got nightmare every night! i think about her, about all our memories, regret doing that to her, anyway, she treats me like a friend, she basically don't understand me, not because she wants to hurt me. So, the result is worse, and i try to keep in touch with her again, i said i'm sorry, i really didn't wanna do it.....then, we chat again, and she's no more friendly like before, she said: " i can forgive you, but our relation can't be as good as before, i've never thought u would treat me like that." she wrote on her blog that everything's her fault, but i've changed a lot, so she doesn't care about me anymore, she has her new life, she's now having a perfectly life,....
And for some reason, she says she wanna stay there forever, change her nationality into Australian, and day by day, i realize that she's becoming Australian, i mean, from now, i've lost a friend, she's no more thinking about what happened in her life before being in Australia, she refuses her past. And, she does something that shows she's not as deep as she was, she follows the new life's style....i try to get rid of her, but i can't.

[DayInTheLife]

And for some reason, she says she wanna stay there forever, change her nationality into Australian, and day by day, i realize that she's becoming Australian, i mean, from now, i've lost a friend, she's no more thinking about what happened in her life before being in Australia, she refuses her past. And, she does something that shows she's not as deep as she was, she follows the new life's style....i try to get rid of her, but i can't.

It sounds like she's living in the present, and you're living in the past. If she's going to be gone for six years, you won't be able to maintain much of a friendship anyway. Let her go, focus more on your daily activities as you work towards your future. You are VERY young, and as you grow older you'll see how small a part of your life she really is. It takes a while to get over somebody, but the years you are in tend to fly by.

You'll be fine, just move forward, not backward.

[mintyway]

I'm going to be harsh but really, I think you should totally stop having any kind of interraction with her. Tell her it's too hard for you, that you've got to focus on your own future and find someone new too. As your first important break-up, it's going to take months before you get over her, but if you keep in touch it will take years. There's no point in making it last because in six years, believe me, you won't even be able to remember each other's faces. So, better stop it now than letting it go slowly and painfully.

Just my opinion.

[Zane]

much appreciated.
i know that,it's hard for me to forget. Because i stay, and she goes. I have to focus on my daily activities, but i keep wonder, so many of my friends are going abroad, and i think at this age, they'll turn into local people very quickly. It's much important, u know, to change nationality, means to change culture, i'm in Asia, so it's much different when u change ur nationality. And if they go, most of them will intend to stay there, work there, maybe go back when they are old. Not only her, my close guys are going abroad too! And they just think that, going abroad is probably better than staying.
I'm thier good friend, even the best of some guys, but when they leave here, they don't think about me, they are so excited with new life. I'm not sure if they succeed when going abroad or not, but all of them, refuse staying here! about me, i used to think about going abroad, but now i'm not anymore, at this age, my friends cannot hold their culture niether accepting the new.
for ex: if some go to Aus, then can they understand the Aus history? then what can stay in their mind about the old culture that they left? i'll finish my university here then go abroad for higher study, to keep my culture...

[JLCS]

Hey....Okay first off, I have been there! Maybe not that EXACT position, but I know that gut wrenching feeling that no matter how hard you try, you can't shake from missing and wanting someone. I spent 3 years of my life with that feeling. Without giving you all the details of my life, let me just say that it gets better. The only way you're going to be able to move on is to do a few VERY HARD things. It will suck, but this will never get better until it gets a little worse. Here is what I would do:

1. Tell her how you feel, explain you care and why you have to stop communicating for a while.

2. Cut all communication...no matter what! When you're over her, then you can be friends...for now, you can't.

3. Go out, be with family and friends, be open to meet new people, just fill all your time. You're young, have fun! The more you sit home in front of your computer, the more you'll think.

4. Allow yourself to be hurt. It will..BUT IT GOES AWAY.

You will most likely get over it with time. Maybe you will have a part of you that will always love her, but hopefully in time your mind will take over your heart and you will know what is best for YOU!. Remember YOU!

5. IF that girls doesn't react well and understand, she isn't a true friend. She seems to be stringing you to have the attention, and you don't deserve that.

Good luck!

[Williamjw]

Hi Zane,

You're at that age now or getting there where everything changes too quickly to comprehend.

Many people you've known for years will leave taking different path from the one you choose.

In relation to this girl it was your first major break up, if you don't learn from this how to get over someone and how to deal and cope with emotions you'll never move on.

From what i've experianced, seen, read and spoke about first loves rarely last forever as that is the first time you see what love is, i can guarente you that the next person you love everything will be better.

Look to the future and be as positive as you can for now, make youself busy to take your mind off things.

As i said at the beginning you're at the age where everything starts to change and if you don't accept this change and change with it you'll be stuck living in the past your whole life.

So if people move on go out and meet new people it's easily enough done if you're a good person which you seem to be.

[st33med]

This thread is three years old, people. The OP is long gone.