need a little advice pls

[akky]

alright letes get started. im a 16 year old guy..this is gna sound a little lame but im having problems with my social life. its a looong story so here goes.
in 10th grade i was pretty popular not the most but had 2 really close friends and between the three of us i was probably the most popular (pls dnt think im showing off or in denial about anything i write here..because im pretty sure im not and wouldnt be here if i was) and a lot of girls have crushes on me and stuff because well, the find me hot! and apart from those 2 guys i had loads of other friends (including girls of course) but who were never as close.
problem is one left town far far away and has become a jackass, then the other starts hanging out with other people and hell suddenly i find im nowhere.

after this i find that life went DOWN DOWN DOWN went through some pretty goddamn rough times found out about the law of attraction and things perked up. what im trying to get now is to form a close group of friends between my old friend who left me and one other guy who he became pretty good friends with. While this works i can never manage to keep them as friends for too long. sometimes we get pretty 'chummy' and then i screw it up with negative thoughts and then **** happens and i feel pretty bad and the vicious cycle starts all over again even though i know i created it all and i shouldnt clomplain. Whats messed up is im almost always fighting with something or the other about my social life. AND NOW TOO MANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE GIRLS! and less guys who are as close. so weird thats a bad thing.

Now i know im in a MUCH better position than a lot of the guys who post here i still need help and its my last year of school and i want it to be great. my whole last year went like this and im seriously sick and tired of this crap.

sorry if its confusing but please try to make sense of it and tell me what to do.

by the way does anyone have views on subjective reality..i think its true at least..pretty cool eh

and yes im hot...haha.

[JimOfferman]

It's a bit hard to find a real question among your ramblings (aside from 'tell me what to do', which I can obviously not answer for you), so I'm just going to ask you about the one thing that stood out to me:

What kind of negative thoughts are you having that are causing you to screw up?

[akky]

sorry about that i do ramble and get carried away. im not the best story teller. ill give u my situation again in short:
1) social life messed up
2) lost close friends
3) trying to get them back
4) manage it to a certain extent then drop back down agin becuase of worrying, letting myself think about the bad thoughts, too sensitive etc.

yesterday was a really bad day for me in terms of this so id really appreciate advice from anyone whose been through this sort of thing

thanks alot. hope its easier to get this time

[JimOfferman]

I got that already. You didn't answer my question, though: what kinds of negative thoughts are you having?

That appears to be the root of the issues you are dealing with, so let's just start there.

[akky]

well they pretty much include worrying about losing them when we are getting alone fine. come to think of it now, when we are getting alone fine i observe things in a biased manner against myself. Like if they dont want to go somewhere with me or something i can be pretty harsh on myself with the what ifs. that sort of thing. if they did the same thing with someone who i believe they like then i wouldnt give it a thought.
i guess i know all the reasons why its happening but its just getting more and more complicated when other people come and become better friends with these guys and helping to make it all the more difficult.

also slightly off topic and back to subjective reality, has anyone realised people do things that they dont normally do or have never done before when you remember or think about them in such situations. like if i think two people i know havent spoken for so long i soon find them in conversation. I think we control what people around us do and the way they act. i am experimenting with that and find i happen everytime.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by akky

well they pretty much include worrying about losing them when we are getting alone fine. come to think of it now, when we are getting alone fine i observe things in a biased manner against myself. Like if they dont want to go somewhere with me or something i can be pretty harsh on myself with the what ifs. that sort of thing. if they did the same thing with someone who i believe they like then i wouldnt give it a thought.
i guess i know all the reasons why its happening but its just getting more and more complicated when other people come and become better friends with these guys and helping to make it all the more difficult.

It sounds like you feel that you need these peole in your life and it scares you to think they might not include you. I would guess if you could feel that you don't really "need" them but enjoy them, then you'dfeel better.

also slightly off topic and back to subjective reality, has anyone realised people do things that they dont normally do or have never done before when you remember or think about them in such situations. like if i think two people i know havent spoken for so long i soon find them in conversation. I think we control what people around us do and the way they act. i am experimenting with that and find i happen everytime.

No one can control someone else (well people try to and it's not healthy usually). That is not good thinking to think we control what people around us do. It can be more that you pick up on situations and as an observer your thoughts of the situation is also part of that.

[akky]

yeah i know theyre not great thoughts but still i can think of something completely out of the blue and it will happen even when it includes other people and not me..

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by akky

yeah i know theyre not great thoughts but still i can think of something completely out of the blue and it will happen even when it includes other people and not me..

but it may not be that the will of your ego is able to control something- more that you are picking up on something or just seeing synchronicities.

[mncz]

Master your fear. Ask: what I am afraid of? why? where does it come from? remember that your fear usually signals you an opportunity of the opposite kind, like, if you are afraid of meeting new people, it signals that you should get out and meet more new people, that kind of thing.

Read the article about Soulful Relationships on this site. Once you understand that all people are intimately connected to begin with, all fear of losing them / building proper relationships and such completely lose any sense and if you shift to that paradigm, relating to other people gets infinitely easier.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by akky

well they pretty much include worrying about losing them when we are getting along fine.

You should try to work on letting go of the fear of losing friends and instead focus on the joy that they bring you now. You can worry about what might be later or, better still, not worry about that at all.

Maybe they will stop being your friends at some point, but then some new friends will surely take their place. Friends come and go. Some stay long, some stay short. That's how it goes in life.

Believe it or not, that is a good thing!

[akky]

tahnks but you see i have read soulful relationships a few times but though i understand people being projections of my consciousness i still find it difficult to see them as a part of 'me'

i have another problem. for the first time in my life people were making fun of me for calling me stuff like a pansy and im being made fun of for being non athletic which is kinda wrong. yeah im tall and thin but im working out alot and have become pretty strong. i have one medlas in sports day and stuff and am probably one of the best basket ball players. so i really have no idea where this crap is coming from except that i remember intending something like this accidentally so obviously thats it. what makes this worse is taht both the guys im trying to get to be friends with are the guys who also hit me. yeah they do it jokingly and stuff but still i dont like it. i get the feeling theyre putting me down subtly and all..

[JimOfferman]

I don't really subscribe to the subjective reality thing, so I can't be of much assistance with that.

As for jokes at your expense, we have some advice on that already here: A joke at my expense