Why do some guys just never give up?!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

Rose, have you read Pride and Prejudice? Elizabeth is YOU! (which is good news, because have you seen Mr. Darcy? Ai chihuahua!)

Not read, but seen the movie. Would you please elaborate? You don't mean that this guy wounds my pride and I'm full of prejudice against him because he's so cold, do you???

(First Scarlett, then Elizabeth... )

[PatriceA]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

hello, thanks for the wishes and a happy new year to you too. That's all.

What you just did will have a significant meaning for him. How nice of you !

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Not read, but seen the movie. Would you please elaborate? You don't mean that this guy wounds my pride and I'm full of prejudice against him because he's so cold, do you???

(First Scarlett, then Elizabeth... )

Hmmm, no I hadn't thought of that, but now that you mention it......

I meant: you are intelligent, witty, beautiful, and discerning. Mr. Maybestalker is Mr. Collins, who asks Elizabeth to marry him in the fervent belief that he is doing her a big favor. When she says no thanks, he tells her that he will indulge the feminine custom of coyly saying no to the first proposal with the surety of receiving another -- he believes it's elegance, beguiling modesty, not straight-shooting. Mr. Collins is unable to appropriately interpret social cues.

From the beginning to the end of the story, Elizabeth goes through a huge transformation, and so are you. (lolcat!)

By the way, that book has my very favorite line in fiction ever: Her sister asks Elizabeth when she thinks she actually fell in love with Mr. Darcy, and she responds something like, "I'm not sure, but I do believe I date my affection from the first moment I saw his house at Pemberly."

I found this quote, which is a great example of a quality No:

I do assure you, Sir, that I have no pretension whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant female, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.

okay, maybe a little wordy.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

"I'm not sure, but I do believe I date my affection from the first moment I saw his house at Pemberly."

His house?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

His house?

Maybe she said "grounds"; I can't remember. It's a joke. She realized she loved him when she figured out that she could be the mistress of this huge, beautiful estate with beautiful green acreage and a pond that her husband could come striding out of, his wet white shirt clinging to his manly great hairy chest, looking pretty damned hot.*

She was quite the wisecracker, that Elizabeth. I love her.

* artistic license on my part.

[yossarian]

I think you should just keep ignoring him/blocking his email

he's probably one of those guys who thinks that he has to be really really persistent all the time

imagine if you liked a guy who rejected you once, but it just made you like him more, and all your friends encouraged you over and over to "go charm him" or whatever

he probably doesn't see you as a human but as an attractive girl who he has to keep talking to "or he'll regret it forever"

you know how society is always telling people that? "Make sure you talk to the people you're attracted to, or you'll regret it forever!"

Well it results in a lot of annoyed people I think who stop being seen as human, and are instead seen as someone they "need to talk to, to prove something"

Every once in awhile some low self esteem girl will latch onto me like a lamprey and never leave me alone no matter how disinterested I act. I get the feeling my initial rejection changes their focus from me as a human being to me as some sort of object they now they need get validation from so they don't have a bruised ego.

[Mags]

Rose, at the risk of going all woo-woo on you, here's another take on the situation....

At an energy level, we tend to develop attachments (think of them as "cords" or "pipes") to people with whom we've had significant relationships or interactions (positive and negative), and these are not always broken when the relationship ends. It may be that there is still a link between you and this guy, especially if he is doing his darndest to keep it there! Some psychics recommend visualising cutting these cords as a way to break the energy attachment (eg imagining using a big ol' pair of scissors). I tried it once after I went round and round in circles with a relationship that I felt was unhealthy, and I did feel lighter and detached afterwards. If you're open to trying some energy type stuff in addition to working on boundaries and high quality no's, then maybe give it a go... who knows!

[Zane]

why not this guy? u said he's a fine one according to his acquaintances opinion, my parents say:"women should marry the one who loves her, man should marry who he loves" Maybe he found something special in you, or u must be a wonderful girl, outside also inside, anyway, u unintentionally stick him with ya, i also think this could happen for some more years, till u give up or he find out some body better than u
P/s: call the police or doctor for him.

[mej023]

Rose, I think you should imagine him falling in love with someone else.

Don't forget that what you push against persists.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by yossarian

I think you should just keep ignoring him/blocking his email (...) imagine if you liked a guy who rejected you once, but it just made you like him more, and all your friends encouraged you over and over to "go charm him" or whatever

Too late! But he hasn't answered (yet), so maybe he's going to let me in peace now. This time, after talking about it with you all (thank you!!!) I felt poised while writing to him. Maybe he feels it and that turns him off more than me being angry. His friends and family all tell him to give up, btw.

Originally Posted by Mags

Rose, at the risk of going all woo-woo on you, here's another take on the situation....

Hey Mags, you can't go too woo-woo on me, I love energy stuff. I can clearly feel these cords with the important people in my life, so I know what you're talking about. That's why I never feel lonely. That's also why I tend to call them less than they wish I would

Cutting the cord is a very good idea, I did that with an ex of mine I felt very attached too even after five years of zero contact. After that, I could move on at last. I never thought of doing it with that guy though, 'cause in my eyes we had no important relationship (just in his imagination...). But actually you're right, I did spend so much time wanting to kick his butt, I guess this creates a strong enough attachment.

Thank you very much for reminding me! I'll do that And with a couple other people too.

Originally Posted by Zane

why not this guy? u said he's a fine one according to his acquaintances opinion, my parents say:"women should marry the one who loves her, man should marry who he loves"

He's also a fine one according to me, absolutely. Great guy. But I disagree with your parents: I'd like to choose a guy I love.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by mej023

Don't forget that what you push against persists.

You're absolutely right! That's why I just sent him some wishes back. Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to just accept and let go...

[Brutha]

You're absolutely right! That's why I just sent him some wishes back. Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to just accept and let go...

The normal response that most new year email get, is no response.

I consider sending out new year emails to a lot of people in my email address book a normal process at the end of the year.
It could be very well that he sent out 50 emails. When you are one of the five people that write back, he will draw his conclusions.

[sumyoungguy]

Just read your post and I can definately relate!

I've gotta admit I'm guilty of being one of those guys sorry!

It's gonna be almost a year since I met this fine girl and got rejected, yet somehow I'm still not completely over her. Having her as a facebook friend really does nothing to help me get over her with my inquisitive stalking habits.

If you're a myspace friend/ whatever online social networking friend of him, you might want to remove friendship of him (at least temporarily) to wean him off the addiction of checking up on you every few days. (Just a tip.)

To be honest, you are probably the best girl that has come along so far in his life. Asking him to not like you is probably never going to happen, the best chance for him is to forget you. And this is easier to do if you are invisible. (no contact at all)


p.s. I almost had it down pat, this forgetting thing, however all it took was having her come over to my house with a group of friends (recent occurance) that has all my emotions flooding back! God help me.

[Peekaboo]

Hi Rose de Cairo

I'm just wondering whether this man is normal? I don't mean to sound critical but does he have any disorders or disabilities? Because years ago a woman approached me and being a woman myself I did not think it too strange, but as I got to know her better it became really difficult to know how to handle her. My sister even said that the lady could be a closet lesbian, but she was rather more asexual. She couldn't understand normal hints and verbal cues that other visitors understood and stayed until supper time and I've had to ask her to leave. After 8 years I found that my oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome and the more I discovered about this condition the more I realised that this friend of mine must be suffering from it as well.

She has since formally been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome. If it wasn't for me finding this out I might have behaved rather harshly towards her.

Just asking
Peekaboo

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Brutha

It could be very well that he sent out 50 emails. When you are one of the five people that write back, he will draw his conclusions.

Well, yes, Brutha, you're right. But that is really not how he is, it's not his style at all. Anyway, maybe it was a mistake to answer, I don't know. He just answered "Thank you " I hope this is the end now...

Originally Posted by sumyoungguy

I've gotta admit I'm guilty of being one of those guys sorry!

Hi sumyoungguy, first of all welcome to this forum! Hope you like it here.

I'm not forbidding him to like me, it's not about his feelings it's about his behavior. Fortunately I'm not into online social networking, I check facebook once a month and he's not there. I also don't have any contact with his family/friends anymore, I'm not at university anymore and in a few weeks I'll leave the country, so I think this will be enough...

But tell me, you seem to see your situation quite clearly. Why don't you remove friendship on her for a while on facebook and break off real life contact too, till you're over her? It's not doing you any good to see her all the time, even on facebook. It would help you to go invisible for a while, don't you think?

There are many many other girls out there who are just as great as this one. As long as you obsess over her, you make yourself blind to all others. Isn't that a pity?

Originally Posted by Peekaboo

I'm just wondering whether this man is normal?

Hi Peekaboo,

I don't know much about Asperger's, but people with AS have difficulties understanding verbal and non-verbal cues or knowing about other people's feelings, haven't they? That's not the case with this guy. He has an incredible talent for knowing what happens inside someone, guessing their psychology and feelings, and finding out other people's weaknesses. He's very gifted in that sense. Unfortunately he's not empathic in the sense that he feels with someone else. He's more observing and manipulating them, sometimes he makes cruel experiments with other people and sometimes he uses his knowledge to hurt them intentionally. But I don't know if that's pathological.

[sumyoungguy]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

But tell me, you seem to see your situation quite clearly. Why don't you remove friendship on her for a while on facebook and break off real life contact too, till you're over her? It's not doing you any good to see her all the time, even on facebook. It would help you to go invisible for a while, don't you think?

Thanks for the welcome, I've been trolling these forums for a while. Hehe. =)

Ans as to the invisible part, I've tried my best. We have friends in common, and as a result she kind of comes as part of the whole friendship package. Anyway I am keeping as much off the radar as possible, and I make a point to limit my social networking to 'my social network'.

I guess there is a difference in our situation though, this girl actually did date me for a period of time! In fact, she initiated the first contact.

Anyways, I think its hard for me to change my feelings for her... forget is the best option! And what better way than to find a different valentine for this year!!

Goodluck with ur issues though.

[Gozunn]

Rose of Cairo before you hear me out know that what I'm going to say will shock you and you will immediately reject the idea but please think about it more meticulously.

SO FAR...you've been doing your best to repel this person away and the more you do it; the more he's attracted to you. I think that sentence alone signifies what I'm going to say next

Do the old reverse-psychology (it works wonders!!!), I have a feeling he's more in love with the chase than anything. Give him what he wants!! If he wants you, then give him YOU. The worst you, you can find within yourself.

Hook up with him for a few days (hah! as if you will do that!! But I'm still going to post this even though this is already a lost cause) and make sure you explicitily disagree with him on everything he believes, purposely start getting short-tempered every time he so much glances at a girl. make him realize he's better off shooting himself into space rather than put up with the goddesses , earth can offer. Offend him in every way you can but you have to be HIS when you do it because the dunderhead won't think you mean it, he'll think you're just trying to drive him away because "you're in love with him but you're denying your feelings"

oh and you would have also proven that you're better than him at psychology!!

lol...anyways I'm sure you won't do it, because as you describe the situation now, it doesen't seem he's bothering you as much. I'm just giving in option for a permaneant removal, I'm sure you don't want to waste your time playing the hook-up and reverse psychology game. Its an entertaining one though and you are bound to have a few laughs in the future should you go ahead with this plan...it would also help you to be more daring in life.

Despite this, I somehow can speculate that you won't do it...still though my 2c are there

[hollowman]

Rose of Cairo,

I happen the have similar experience, just that i am the guy part.

Some years ago, i met this girl whom i think is really sweet and has a class of her own. I love to see her smile and that would almost make me melt. I dont stalk on her! I sent her flowers and tried asked here out for a drink but never succeeded. I never pushed her to go out with me or do anything against her will.

None of my friends find her interesting in any way. in fact some of my friends said she is a lesbian(???). I never buy that.

Recently i found her email adress and sent her a couple of mails, no replies till now. God, i hope she's not abhoring me like u do now!

The truth is i really dont mean her any harm and i never have the intention to cause her discomfort.

After reading your post and thread, i am really worried i've what i have been doing.

[Peekaboo]

Dear Rose de Cairo

This man does not sound Asperger's. People on the ASD spectrum (Autistic Spectrum Disorders) are not able to read body language, tone of voice or anything abstract. They do not understand proverbs, adages or sayings that are metaphorical.

This man sounds more like a stalker to me. I'm sorry that he has chosen you to prey on. If he was well-meaning and wanted to be your friend he would respect your wishes and stay away from you until you felt ready to have a friendship with him or if you never felt like it, he would still respect your wishes.

There have been quite a few suggestions made and I'm sorry that I cannot add to them as I'm not sure how you could handle this one. But I wish you all the best.

Peekaboo

[The Cloud]

One thing that I can think of that would alter your current situation is if you were genuinely suffering from his relationship with you, meager though it may be. If he saw that him continuing to obsess over you was causing you pain, he may finally realize that it's not going to happen and let go of you. Of course, in order for this to work, you have to be genuinely distressed, which it doesn't seem you are.

Otherwise, my advice would be to simply not consider him. If you don't consider him, then it won't matter how much he attempts to intrude on your life, because it will be below your notice. It's kind of like having stiff muscles after working out; if you think about it then it's painful and limiting, but if you forget about it and focus on other things it hardly seems to be there at all. So don't worry about how obsessed HE is over you, you have no control over that. Worry about how obsessed YOU are over his obsession, because that is something you have direct control over. I think you'll find that once you stop thinking about him, he will magically disappear.

[ken nubo]

Dear Rose of Cairo,

The guy is your soul mate.

On a more serious note, some guys just have a desperation mindset to the point of obession.

Beware, he might be a stalker.

[yorik]

What nobody seems to have mentioned is that this guy might very well have low self-esteem on top of his other problems. He can't visualize himself with another woman and therefore he stays with what he knows. In fact, he's probably so used to rejection, that is all he understands and stays with. He seems to thrive on your rejection, after all. Kinda sad, if true, but that's not your problem.

Another item not mentioned is that women tend to think they said "no" when in fact, that's not what was communicated. It's the sender's responsibility to make sure the message was received. I've known several women who think saying nothing is the same as saying "no". Sorry. Doesn't work that way.

I suspect you've said "no" perfectly, so this point is for any other woman reading this. Make sure your message is clear and gets across; don't assume it did just because you wanted it to.

In fact, if you see him and have to say "no" again, do it nicely, but have him repeat back to you what you said. This goes a long way to making sure the message is received, especially when he says it himself and installs that language in his own person language centers.

Something else to try is to think like a guy and try to be logical about things. In this case, the logic might go something like this...
1) If you want a relationship, and I've made it clear that I don't, then the time you waste admiring me is taking away from your ultimate happiness in a real relationship.

also try...
2) If you keep getting rejected by me, and you keep coming back, then it looks like you actually LIKE rejection, even if you think you don't, which is an indicator that you have some emotional problems you need to work on. You really need to get some counseling before those problems become severe.

and also...
3) I know you have feelings for me, and that's OK, but you'll never be successful in life if you don't know how to deal with your emotions, especially when they aren't reciprocated. It's OK to have feelings, but maybe you should get some advice on dealing with them.

Just my 2 cents, and worth every penny

[BettyBoo]

I have a guy too who is asking me out every now and then for more than 10 years now. And I always said no, and I never gave him any inducement or anything..
I joke with my friends that if I ever go out with him he will either ask me to marry him or kill me. :-)

[Brutha]

This man does not sound Asperger's. People on the ASD spectrum (Autistic Spectrum Disorders) are not able to read body language, tone of voice or anything abstract. They do not understand proverbs, adages or sayings that are metaphorical.

This man does not sound Asperger's. People on the ASD spectrum (Autistic Spectrum Disorders) are not able to read body language, tone of voice or anything abstract.

It isn't that black and white. They can't do it intuitivly like other people, but they can learn it.
But I don't think that we have any reason to believe that he is autistic.

What nobody seems to have mentioned is that this guy might very well have low self-esteem on top of his other problems. He can't visualize himself with another woman and therefore he stays with what he knows.

I don't think so. He didn't contacted her for a year.
Someone who chases one specific woman wouldn't do that.

Recently i found her email adress and sent her a couple of mails, no replies till now. God, i hope she's not abhoring me like u do now!

Just sending more email when she doesn't respond will simply annoy her.

[Rose of Cairo]

He just wrote me to tell me he would like to tell me about a dream he had about me. He described a part of the dream, interesting, but in which I don't appear. Then he said he would write the rest to me soon.

I guess those of you who told me to ignore his email were right. That's what I'll do this time. I bet he's trying to make me wait for his next email.

He's really crazy.

[Plato]

Rose why are you fighting what's MEANT TO BE!