Dare ya to comment!

[The Flannel Guy]

Try reading this to the band “moe.” That’s the band I was listening to when I wrote this.

Yeah, I dare you to give your real thoughts! Whether it be “shut up” or “I like what you said here….” Come on nobody learns ANYTHING from cutesy and/or nice comments! Give it to me! Ha ha ha!

Anyway, I have some thoughts and questions for you out there.

I think I am a normal guy (Erma Bombeck once said that normal is a setting on a washer not something that people are.) but I am off in a rather strange group. I am not the person that most people think I am, so it seems at least.

For instance I:
-Can speak to audiences without hesitation or problems. In fact I love to give presentations and answer the questions people put forth. I do not get "stage fright".

-enjoy drinking, but very moderately, and I prefer only really good wine or beer. No cheap drinker by any means, and I dislike the typical bars. A favorite place to go have a drink is something like a small quiet jazz club for a glass of wine or pool hall for a beer.

-like reading good literature and philosophy. I listen to all kinds of music from Mozart to Powerman 5000. I only play one instrument, a harmonica, and I am marginal at that! ha ha ha

-Smoke my camels, I love to smoke, I quit once but took it back up because I enjoy it so. Say what you will, I like to smoke!

-Ever wonder who can fix most anything, yeah that would be me. Cars, RV's, water heaters, roofs, plumbing, electrical, I can weld, solder, sew, cook, write (ha ha), and etc...

-I love to travel. I spent time in Belize last year and can not wait to visit another place! I love to see the cultures and meet the different people so that I can better understand the world. Also I majored in a foreign field so I better like to travel huh!

-I can enjoy sitting at home watching a movie as well as I can going out with friends.

-Gardening is something that I learned to do and enjoy a number of years ago and grew (bad pun huh) to love. Ever taken care of a Lily of the Nile? it aint easy! Besides plants help the place look less sterile.

-I prefer to carry conversations that aren’t about mindless, pointless things. You know the ones, “this person did this or that”. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

That kind of says it all for me. I just prefer to talk about things that have significance.

The outdoors, I love to be outside. I moved from Oregon recently. Its different here, to say the least. But I love to be outside, whether it be hiking, fishing, mtn climbing, biking, walking, yard work or just grilling dinner. I love to be outside.

I work very hard to be open-minded and to be a giving person. Not that I am all the time, but I try.

What I dont do:
-Yeah, not much of a people person. Though it may sound contrary to some of the thing I said early, I dont like large groups. They freak me out.
I can give a speech, but a large group of people for instance a wedding, freak me out. I dont know why. I just do not like those situations. I have kind of given up on talking to people at times.

-Also most people seem afraid of meeting new people. Like if they talk to someone new they will be embarrassed or “called out”. I really dont understand this! Women seem to do this more than men though. Women seem scared to talk to a guy most of the time. Are women taught to be especially timid creatures or what?

-On the subject of women, why is it that if I act like a jerk then women like me. When I am just decent and courteous I get ignored. If I make fun of (or act like an a**hle to) women, then they want me around more and wanna talk to me. If I dont then I am basically not even remembered. Why is this??????? I really cannot understand this phenomenon! It doesnt make sense to me.

-I cannot comprehend why on earth so many people do drugs, and yes I include pot in that classification. I have quite the hard time meeting anyone that doesnt "smoke". What is with everyone that they must do drugs today? I find this to be a MAJOR obstacle to meeting people, if you dont do then you arent accepted. In that case I would rather NOT be accepted.

-Maybe it is just the area I live in, or maybe the society we live in today. But I find it difficult to meet people that aren’t consumed by, stuff! Like they base who they are off what they have. I dated a woman for a very short time last year who was consumed by what she had or did not have. "I need that new phone, or shirt, or we have to go to that club...". Or they just have to be seen. Like they cant just do something, their ego has to be inflated when they do anything, there has to be people around when they do thing or go places so that they can feel important or special. Go fig...

-I dont think like many people, the way I base my life is quite different from what most people. I am not being elitist, I just base my life on ideas and philosophies that many other people do not. I came to what I think about the world in a very scientific-philosophical way. That creates a disparity between myself and other people because of values and the way the world is viewed. The way we view the world is so base to who we are, and I do not feel as though I fit in much of the time, It is an odd sensation to say the least. However, I dont say what I think about various things because it seems to foster animosity towards me.

As a final word, I wonder why it is so hard for me to mix and meet people and make friends or have a girlfriend. I guess it shouldn’t come as a shock. If I really am as unusual as I think then I know why I don’t mix in!

There is much more to me than I could ever even begin to write here. As it would be for anyone. But these seem to be some of the things I think about when I ponder such things. So, what do you think?

I would like to be a person with more friends. And I would really enjoy having a good woman in my life again. But I am not sure really how to approach these social issues. I don’t really know what to say at this point. Comment and let me know what you think about what I have said.

Thank you for your response:

The Flannel Guy

[JimOfferman]

Alright, so here goes: you have a whole lot of preconceptions on how people are and, as a result, the universe provides you with exactly that kind of people.

You get what you ask for!

Btw. I find it rather amusing that you disapprove of people who do drugs, but only after you've already admitted to being a habitual smoker and drinker. So you disapprove, but not when you do it yourself... classy!

[The Flannel Guy]

I don't consider cigarettes and alcohol to be drugs, call it societal conventions. I cant be jailed because I have an ounce of tobacco or a pint of beer on me.

And very true, the world is what you want it to be. no matter where you go there you are. Yes i understand that.
And I have been told that I am, pompous, jaded, angry, short-tempered, cocky, arrogant, but also, giving, kind, friendly, clean, calm. Jaded is one of the things that kind of gets in the way though. Life aint been easy (ha ha right?!) and it kindda created a sort of lens between me and others that makes it hard to deal with people at times. Eh?

[Parthon]

I have to back Jim up on this one.

But firstly: I'm impressed and even a little inspired by what you had to say. You've managed to get to your age without buying into the social conditioning of being attached to stuff and inflating the ego. The fact that you are interested in ideas, and have gone after what you want is awesome.

The only thing stopping you from sharing that with other people are the blocks you have in your way. You are an amazing person, but you don't see other people like that. You are scared of crowds because they represent a mass of boring people, rather than individuals. I can also see that these blocks also stop people from seeing the real you. I'm only guessing here, but I bet that people you only just meet don't find you interesting unless you are either making jokes or talking about ideas. Most of your friends you've known for ages, and you find it hard to make new ones easily.

The only way past all that is to find and remove those blocks. They are things you say to yourself about people, like "People are boring." or "People are too preoccupied with stuff." To get rid of them, you need to dig them out at the source. Find the root of the block, dig deep down and discover where it comes from. More often than not you will find it to be a fear about yourself that you subconsciously project onto other people. Once you start removing these blocks other people around you will become far more interesting.

On a side note, one of my blocks is that most people are quite ordinary, but I've found that if I ignore that then I find people who are real gems. There are plenty of people like yourself, they are just outweighed by the boring majority. You have to look hard to find these good people, but they are definately around. Often they are so much like you it's not funny.

As for people being scared of other people: A stranger who is a stranger still doesn't mean anything, but if you introduce yourself and look bad, then you've lost face. People are so scared of looking bad that they will avoid getting to know each other, to the very point of being antagonistic. This is tremendously stupid, because being that scared you straight away look bad, so in effect you've achieved nothing. The most fun you can have with these people is honestly greet them happily, and they will respond in kind. When people realise they cannot lose face in front of you, they blossom.

I hope you saw something for yourself in this, I definately did.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

Life aint been easy (ha ha right?!) and it kinda created a sort of lens between me and others that makes it hard to deal with people at times. Eh?

What I'm saying is that the lens is you. It's all about you, you, you! You make it hard for yourself to deal with other people. If you are okay with that, then that's perfectly fine...

...if it's not okay, then you will have to change.

Btw. that alcohol and cigarettes are legal doesn't change the fact that they are drugs.

[Lola]

Sh*t! You scared me! I thought you were my ex-husband for the first couple of paragraphs (down through the fixing stuff part). I really don't want to go back in the Witness Protection Program.

So, seriously? You want my real thoughts?

I've been on dates with variations of you. You're a painfully self-absorbed, insecure and (bordering on) arrogant man who believes he's surrounded by idiots and normally targets vapid, 20-something barbie dolls for dates.

When you and I went out you talked about yourself all night and I'm certain (five minutes after I walked away) you were unable to recall the color of my eyes. Or anything else, for that matter, that didn't have to do with whether or not I was impressed with you.

Here's the answer to all your questions: Expect that you are going to meet interesting, surprising, thoughtful people. (I run into them everyday). Expect that the good woman you're looking for is right there in front of you. Perhaps packaged a little differently than where you're casting your attention. Then when you do meet these fascinating folks, listen to them. Give them your attention. Look for what is interesting and unique about them rather than working your pitch so hard.

Good luck! And welcome to Texas.

[Freelancer]

Yeah, I dare you to give your real thoughts! Whether it be “shut up” or “I like what you said here….” Come on nobody learns ANYTHING from cutesy and/or nice comments! Give it to me! Ha ha ha!

I won't hold anything back.

-Can speak to audiences without hesitation or problems. In fact I love to give presentations and answer the questions people put forth. I do not get "stage fright".

-enjoy drinking, but very moderately, and I prefer only really good wine or beer. No cheap drinker by any means, and I dislike the typical bars. A favorite place to go have a drink is something like a small quiet jazz club for a glass of wine or pool hall for a beer.

-like reading good literature and philosophy. I listen to all kinds of music from Mozart to Powerman 5000. I only play one instrument, a harmonica, and I am marginal at that! ha ha ha

-Smoke my camels, I love to smoke, I quit once but took it back up because I enjoy it so. Say what you will, I like to smoke!

-Ever wonder who can fix most anything, yeah that would be me. Cars, RV's, water heaters, roofs, plumbing, electrical, I can weld, solder, sew, cook, write (ha ha), and etc...

-I love to travel. I spent time in Belize last year and can not wait to visit another place! I love to see the cultures and meet the different people so that I can better understand the world. Also I majored in a foreign field so I better like to travel huh!

-I can enjoy sitting at home watching a movie as well as I can going out with friends.

-Gardening is something that I learned to do and enjoy a number of years ago and grew (bad pun huh) to love. Ever taken care of a Lily of the Nile? it aint easy! Besides plants help the place look less sterile.

Are you telling us this to prove that you are in fact a person with depth and importance?
In that case, don't worry. The moment you made a post here is the moment I assumed you have depth of character.

That kind of says it all for me. I just prefer to talk about things that have significance.

The outdoors, I love to be outside. I moved from Oregon recently. Its different here, to say the least. But I love to be outside, whether it be hiking, fishing, mtn climbing, biking, walking, yard work or just grilling dinner. I love to be outside.

I work very hard to be open-minded and to be a giving person. Not that I am all the time, but I try.

So you are significant? And thus you prefer to only talk about thing that have significance. No wonder that;

And I have been told that I am, pompous, jaded, angry, short-tempered, cocky, arrogant, but also, giving, kind, friendly, clean, calm. Jaded is one of the things that kind of gets in the way though.

-Yeah, not much of a people person. Though it may sound contrary to some of the thing I said early, I dont like large groups. They freak me out.
I can give a speech, but a large group of people for instance a wedding, freak me out. I dont know why. I just do not like those situations. I have kind of given up on talking to people at times.

No wonder there's a small you in a vast sea of people, I'd feel self conscious and freak out as well.

-On the subject of women, why is it that if I act like a jerk then women like me. When I am just decent and courteous I get ignored. If I make fun of (or act like an a**hle to) women, then they want me around more and wanna talk to me. If I dont then I am basically not even remembered. Why is this??????? I really cannot understand this phenomenon! It doesnt make sense to me.

This one is easy to explain. Women are attracted to men who give them emotional spikes. When you are being decent and courteous they get bored, nobody remembers or wants to be around boring people. Acting like a ******* gives them a negative emotional spike hence attraction. You can also generate positive emotional spikes by being unpredictable and positive.
This is completely your choice.

-I cannot comprehend why on earth so many people do drugs, and yes I include pot in that classification. I have quite the hard time meeting anyone that doesnt "smoke". What is with everyone that they must do drugs today? I find this to be a MAJOR obstacle to meeting people, if you dont do then you arent accepted. In that case I would rather NOT be accepted.

For the same reason you freak out in crowds.
They are inside there mind and as a result they experience pain.
The only way to temporarily release pain is by using drugs.

I can completely understand why they do it.

-Maybe it is just the area I live in, or maybe the society we live in today. But I find it difficult to meet people that aren’t consumed by, stuff! Like they base who they are off what they have. I dated a woman for a very short time last year who was consumed by what she had or did not have. "I need that new phone, or shirt, or we have to go to that club...". Or they just have to be seen. Like they cant just do something, their ego has to be inflated when they do anything, there has to be people around when they do thing or go places so that they can feel important or special. Go fig...

Its great that your not consumed with stuff, be carefull though that its not your ego going 'Im so above that'.

-I dont think like many people, the way I base my life is quite different from what most people. I am not being elitist, I just base my life on ideas and philosophies that many other people do not. I came to what I think about the world in a very scientific-philosophical way. That creates a disparity between myself and other people because of values and the way the world is viewed. The way we view the world is so base to who we are, and I do not feel as though I fit in much of the time, It is an odd sensation to say the least. However, I dont say what I think about various things because it seems to foster animosity towards me.

How do you know?
Did you ask people about there dreams?
Did you ask people about there ambitions? There passions?
Did you try to find depth beyond the superficial?

Or are you just assuming that you know somebody by looking at the outside?

As a final word, I wonder why it is so hard for me to mix and meet people and make friends or have a girlfriend. I guess it shouldn’t come as a shock. If I really am as unusual as I think then I know why I don’t mix in!

There is much more to me than I could ever even begin to write here. As it would be for anyone. But these seem to be some of the things I think about when I ponder such things. So, what do you think?

I would like to be a person with more friends. And I would really enjoy having a good woman in my life again. But I am not sure really how to approach these social issues. I don’t really know what to say at this point. Comment and let me know what you think about what I have said.

Thank you for your response:

The Flannel Guy

You appear to be very self absorbed in your life, if this is true then no wonder you have few friends.

A self absorbed person drains the life out of his surroundings.

They absorb the energy of everyone around them.

They spread negativity into the world.

And they are alone.

First of all you need to start trying to understand the world in which other people life.

Try to understand there motivations.

Try to understand there dreams.

Ask them questions about there life.

Figure out what makes them human.


Then when your ready. Start reading and listening to Tolle.

You'll most likely reject it. Based on its not scientific, or its to much hocus pocus, or its just new agey stuff.

Stick with it.

This won't be easy in the beginning.

Your mind will scream that this is boring, not usefull and deceitfull.

If you can stick with it long enough then you'll start seeing the value of this.


When your ready take the challenge;
The Tolle Challenge

[The Flannel Guy]

First of all, wow, I liked your reply. Its unusual to say the least.

1. I gave tat info so that people could et a better picture of me.
2. Ego, no the stuff thing is definitely not that. I just dont feel the need for things. Call it life experience and have lost all my stuff from over 15 moves in the past 8 years. Yeah I dont value stuff. Besides, its just stuff, stuff can be replaced or done without.
3. I asked them about themselves. And the standard reply is "I love Jesus!". Any other questions dont get answered by them, even very basic ones to their beliefs, because they simply do know the answer. They have allowed a generic religion to infiltrate their life and control them. When asked what I think about certain things that I base my life on people get REALLY DEFENSIVE! Righly so for various reasons, I dont need clarification on this.

And Tolle. Yeah he seems really out there. I dont know. I am into philosophy, Nietzsche mainly, and it makes other things that people think and believe look ridiculous. I dont subscribe to any higher power, no spirits, none of that.

But that is a whole other field entirely. A post that I will be releasing soon. So lets not go there now.

I really like what you said though. And I will be giving it serious consideration. Thank you.

[The Flannel Guy]

You have been on dates with people like me? You havent the faintest. I rarely ever talk about myself, people tell me I am a great listener, and vapid 20 year olds??? Wow you are so far off the mark its not even funny, kind of insulting actually. I showed what you said to my brother, he started laughin.

Sorry, your wrong about that.

But you are right about the "insecure and (bordering on) arrogant man who believes he's surrounded by idiots" I am insecure at times. and I am arrogant, make no mistake, I am arrogant. I know that I am REALLY good at somethings like welding and auto repair. And I do tend to think that people are idiots, I get that mindset reinforced every day.

I dont talk about myself on dates because I like to listen to the person I am with to know them better. If I am on a date with someone then they are someone I want to be around and respect. The majority of the women I have dated in the past are VERY intelligent. Smarter than me, by far! That is what makes them so interesting, they can carry a great conversation about art, theatre, poetry, or philosophy. They can examine the things they see and come to a understanding that isn't based on surface information.

And I feel like I do give people the benefit of the doubt when I meet them. But most people seem to be IDIOTS. I did learn something from an old friend of mine. Its "listen to everyone, think about what they say, and you will learn who is intelligent and worth listening to. But even stupid people have their moments."

But yeah I should work on being more accepting, (and friendly and nice, ugh), but it isnt easy! But I try,

I'm here tryin to learn aren't I?! ha ha ha

Thank you.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

But most people seem to be IDIOTS.

This is your perception of the world. Where you see only idiots, I only see people who are kind and intelligent. They are everywhere! All you have to do is open your eyes to them.

Or you can keep walking among the blind.

Your choice.

[The Flannel Guy]

Well fine, I tried it today when I went golfing. AND I will continue to. I am willing to try almost anything at least once.

Tell me this, how do you see people? And do you just see kind intelligent people everywhere? And dont most people seem to act like blind children, with no real thoughts as to why they do things? That is how I see most people.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

You have been on dates with people like me? You havent the faintest.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely have. Guys who think they know everything and I'm an idiot before they know jack about me? Yep.

As long as you see yourself completely surrounded by idiots, you will continue to live a life surrounded by idiots.

[The Flannel Guy]

You dont seem to have read what I wrote, and you seem to be splitting hairs.

Believe me in that I am not one of those types. I am not the type to suck my own D---. I know the type, I wont act like one of those jerks because I wouldnt meet you (you being a stranger to me) and talk to you in the first place.

I just prefer to not be around anyone, men and women both. I find most people to be living way too religious, pointless lives and do not put any thought to their life or intellectual consciousness in general. They dont seem to display any more understanding of the world than where they are plannin to go drinkin tonight or what "Bob" said the other day and why he is wrong.

Pointless meaningless conversations. The TV mindset of the culture of the developed nations. There isnt any ability to really think any more. It seems to be more of a quick reaction in people today becasue they see/hear something and want to make a big deal about things even if they dont understand what is happening. They seem to do these things so that they can get "the look" Which of course gets them seen and helps them feel a "high" from being noticed.

This is the type you might see on those tv court shows. The people have no clue what they should say. They just stand there constantly trying to accuse, interrupting and yelling. They are trying to make a bigger show than the other side. But they arent saying anything!Its just a round-a-bout of people just wanting to be seen. Ever notice what those cases are about? Pointless things! Shows with points/plots like this are kept on tv because people are simple.

Its the court tv mentality that I dislike in the public, and it seems quite pervasive.

[PatriceA]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

And dont most people seem to act like blind children, with no real thoughts as to why they do things? That is how I see most people.

Hey, I think kids are really wonderful to watch and listen to. kids have this way to see the world - without all the deforming lenses we put before our "adult" eyes.
I love seeing people as children. It explains so much of our behaviors to just imagine we are a bunch of 8-year-olds. That analogy is splendid in an episode of the Ally mc Beal show called "over the rainbow" where we can see all of these lawyers pictured as a gang of disillusioned kids. Worth watching.

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

I listen to all kinds of music from Mozart to Powerman 5000.

That's one of the most common self-delusions in the world. You do NOT listen to all kinds of music, sorry. I've met Caribbean people who listened to "all kinds of music" (zouk, hip hop, r&b, dancehall, calysto), French people who listened to "all kinds of music" (rock, slows, salsa, electronic, tango, mozart), and so on...
People only listen to the music they've been exposed to... a field which can be pretty narrow.
I'd bet $100 (that's about 1€ now ) that your "all kinds" don't include much of these aforementioned kinds ?

Smoke my camels, I love to smoke, I quit once but took it back up because I enjoy it so. Say what you will, I like to smoke!

As someone said, that's also "doing drugs". And there actually are a bunch of countries where you'll be fined if found smoking in a bar.

-Ever wonder who can fix most anything, yeah that would be me. Cars, RV's, water heaters, roofs, plumbing, electrical, I can weld, solder, sew, cook, write (ha ha), and etc...

That's a skill i'd love to have.

I prefer to carry conversations that aren’t about mindless, pointless things. You know the ones, “this person did this or that”. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

Well... this conversation is about you (that's people !!)

And last but not least :

I work very hard to be open-minded

What do you mean by "working to be open minded" ? I must confess I can't think of ways to work your way to an open-mind. That's a serious question.

Patrice

[SuperStar]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

-Yeah, not much of a people person. Though it may sound contrary to some of the thing I said early, I dont like large groups. They freak me out.
I can give a speech, but a large group of people for instance a wedding, freak me out. I dont know why. I just do not like those situations. I have kind of given up on talking to people at times.

-Also most people seem afraid of meeting new people. Like if they talk to someone new they will be embarrassed or “called out”. I really dont understand this! Women seem to do this more than men though. Women seem scared to talk to a guy most of the time. Are women taught to be especially timid creatures or what?

Dude, read the two things you just wrote. Basically: "I get nervous in social situations." and then: "Why the **** are all the women nervous in social situations?" You're projecting "they will be embarrassed or 'called out'", meaning, it's really you that is afraid of being embarrassed or 'called out'. That is probably why you are fine giving a speech - you just get to run your mouth without worrying what people will say in response, since in that setting they don't respond.

In this case, apply the famous maxim: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Especially in this specific case - I can speak from experience when I say that as a man, if you act calm and cool and relaxed, the women you are with will respond to that energy and be calm and relaxed as well.

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

However, I dont say what I think about various things because it seems to foster animosity towards me.

Here, you foster animosity towards others who offend you by being materialistic and superficial. So when you do open your mouth about the things you think, you probably emit a subtle level of this animosity, which, as above, people respond to in kind with the same energy except in retaliation. This is the cycle of violence.

So the prescription here is to contemplate your feelings towards these "other people" who you think you're so different from, and to realize (now, later, or never... because it is the truth) that what you really feel animosity towards is that part of yourself that is materialistic and shallow. You've wanted a new toy. Don't pretend you haven't. Did you berate yourself on the inside when you realized you might be becoming *gasp* one of "them"!?

All anger is self-anger. If you accept yourself fully, you can walk into a party full of college students getting trashed on alcohol and pot, and have a deep conversation. The trick is to accept them fully for who they are, and to celebrate their differences from you.

[The Flannel Guy]

Well, its kind of hard to describe. I do well in speeches. I love it when people DO ask questions and can answer them. Its the best part of the speech because there is feedback and discussion and it adds something to the topic.

But at the same time when I go places or am around people I get a feeling of being out of place. Other people seem SO much better at social things. I learned a lot about body language a bit back and I pick up on things that others tend to not see. One thing I pick up on a lot is a general dislike for me, even when others are just talking to me. Crossed arms and turned away feet, for instance. Maybe I am putting out a vibe, but if I am then I am completely oblivious to it.

The things that foster animosity towards me are things like religion, when it comes up, which is rare. But when it does people practically run from me because of my different views. My ex wife for instance was wiccan. When she whould get asked about things relating to what she believed she would skirt the issue. People would get mad or defensive to what she thought. The same seems to happen when I talk about my thoughts/beliefs. Though in a different kind of way.

Like I said, its kind of hard to describe it.

The wanting things is kind of a hard topic to discuss as I did not really go into it in the original topic and it would require more time to explain than I am willing to devote to a reply. Sorry!

As to the "Be the change..."
- Yeah but at the same time doesn't that leave you open to problems? I mean I could have rose colored glasses but then I would get worked over by the cold, hard, world we live in.

So what do you mean? Just be relaxed and calm all the time? I don't think I have EVER been that.

But as far as being "really friendly and nice" I just dont see that happening.

Anyway, I know that there is probably another way to be than how I am, but I dont see it. And the other ways I do see dont seem practical. I could stand to be more "chill", but I've never been like that. And nobody can really change their personality. You can change the other things about yourself, but not your personality. So I've been told...

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy

Tell me this, how do you see people? And do you just see kind intelligent people everywhere? And dont most people seem to act like blind children, with no real thoughts as to why they do things? That is how I see most people.

That's because you're expecting to see dumb people. You have to change your focus.

Have you ever had this experience: you buy a car of a make and model you feel is uncommon and then suddenly you see the exact make and model everywhere! So much for standing out.

There aren't suddenly more cars of that particular make and model, but you are suddenly more invested in that particular type of car (because you own one) and thus you are more focused on it.

It is the same with people. I expect to meet smart people, so I'm focused on that. In a crowd, I tend to notice the smart people first. When someone does something that appears really stupid to me, I'll be thinking: maybe I just don't understand why that person does this thing yet.

What also helps, of course, is that I think most people are in fact pretty smart. By that I mean smart as in 'doing the best they can with their abilities' rather than 'high IQ' (intelligent). A high IQ is no guard against stupidity.