I could use your support and encouragement right now.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hey, everybody. I am going through a tough time right now. My boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday. I have been dealing somewhat well considering it is not what I want and even though we were going through a tough patch I wasn't expecting it. Things felt different this time despite us dealing with some of the same old issues. I've gotten excellent advice and support privately from our own lovely Angela and I don't downgrade that at all I hope by posting it wide as well. I would have done so sooner, but part of me thought that the break up wouldn't last. And still a part of me hopes it won't. Anyone who's followed my threads in the past knows we've gone through this before. Maybe that should be some kind of sign, I don't know.

I think what has hit me right now that's tough is that the other day I went to take some clothes to him and his brother who had been staying with us. We talked a little, but that ended fairly abruptly with him saying he didn't want to talk and me leaving feeling like there was more to say. I understand and respect his desire to stay away right now. Still I just got a call from his brother which felt like a knife twisting in my heart. I mentioned how the dogs are very forlorn without their men around and asked if he thought they would like to come by to see the dogs. He said he would, but that he didn't think my ex bf would be coming at all (as in ever, from the sound of it).

The thing is, I understand this and wouldn't want some kind of forced visit anyway. And I know the way he feels right now is not how he will feel forever. It's not final. But it still hurts like hell to think he can't stand to be in my presence. I am even pretty sure that it's more so he won't have to deal with the pain of the break up than that he doesn't want to see me, but still.

I love him very much regardless of whether we get back together or never see each other again. And I am willing and trying to release him with love. I am grateful for the time we did have together and for the great deal this relationship has taught me and for the path it led me down (which I am still on) toward becoming a person who takes responsibility for my life and creates a life I love.

I guess I actually already have the tools and knowledge to deal with this thanks to my time here on this forum and the generous help of Angela and others. Even if you don't take time to respond to my little rant, I appreciate any and all kind thoughts sent my way. I really just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening!

[frajilthunder]

{{{{{{{CLARITY_VIBES}}}}}}}

No matter how this turns out, know that you have the strength to deal with it and the support of others.

[Lola]

Oh, aspiring, I hate that you're hurting.

I don't even know what to say right now, because everything I think of sounds rather trite. And you're right. You have the tools and the knowledge.

Let yourself grieve. Remember you are loved, whole, perfect and beautiful and none of that can be diminished by another person.

Lots of love,
Lola

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thank you. Even though I know what to do and know all is well, it's still nice just to have other people for support. I truly appreciate it.

And, Lola, your amazing post this morning was already a great encouragement to me. I am reminded to create joy regardless of circumstance. Not the easiest task at a time like this, but I am managing. Forgetting to be a creator rather than a reactor is a big part of why this break up happened.

We both love each other, but things were getting tense. That's why it's hard. I don't think either of us wants to be apart, but it was also getting hard being together.

frajilthunder, I appreciate the clarity vibes. Things get muddled at times like these.

[dancer]

I've been staring at an empty dialogue box wanting to find words that will embrace you with warmth, love, support and encouragement. Suddenly, an old song, not sure who sang it, came into my head. I'm not sure I even have the words right, but my message to you is:

Loving you is beautiful

[NotesMaeve]

(((Miss J))))

It'll work out with the dude, or it won't. I love you! I don't know the best thing to say, but you'll work it out. This is going to hurt like a bitch for awhile. I'm in a fun, great relationship, and my ex insinuated in our old social circle I had vaginal odor. (Which is like the most random damn thing ever... Dude's 31. Not 15.) Still, crap pops up and it's irksome, and you might get hurt, but you'll deal! I promise. Plus you can PM me and get my number and call whenever you need someone to hear you!

[Angela]

NotesMaeve, I realize that must have hurt, but it is very funny to read about! Way to distract our girl with laughter!

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Angela

NotesMaeve, I realize that must have hurt, but it is very funny to read about! Way to distract our girl with laughter!

Oh God! It made me laugh!

The conversation that followed got terribly bawdy.

[Rose of Cairo]

Aspiring, yes, Angela is an angel And the best coach in the world. Still, it doesn't hurt if we all hug you in addition.

<<<HUG>>>

I'm sorry you have to go through that. You're doing so well. I'm feeling a bit awkward now, not really knowing how to comfort you. In real life, I would just hug you and say nothing at all.

Take care of the dogs. They need you now...

Head up! You're creating a life you love. Maybe without him. It hurts now, but you'll be happy in the end. We all love you, I love you, and I'll send lots of warm thoughts to you.

x

[JimOfferman]

Aspiring,

Since the others have already responded with plenty of wise words, I'm just going to give you this:

*hug*

love,
Jim.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

First I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support, hugs (love those), humor (Notes! luckily, this guy is no angel, but he wouldn't stoop that low!) and wise words.

I got home from work and got the dogs fed, played with them for a while. Then I got supper started on the stove (sadly I don't lose my appetite when I'm down) and started the washer. I was sorting some other laundry when I noticed it seemed to be filling for an unusually long time ...yup, my washer overflowed all over the floor! I turned off the water and unplugged it, but not before a large chunk of the room was covered in water. I threw some towels down and started moving stuff so it wouldn't get ruined and in the process dropped something off a shelf shattering my cat's food plate. I used a pitcher to remove some of the water and then ran the spin cycle to get the rest out.

The moral of this story: Be thankful you didn't start the washer before you left for work in the morning. It may be tough, but it could be worse!

I am sure with time he and I will be friends if nothing else. The love is there regardless of our ability to actually live together. That is a comfort. It's just the transition that "hurts like a bitch" (well put Notes).

And just so you guys know, the actual words are nowhere near as comforting as just knowing I have you all supporting me. So thanks a million!

I am now going to very carefully eat my supper and ponder how blessed I am to have friends like you guys!

[astra]

Not that it's got much to do with a breakup, but it is good for a laugh! I accidentally flooded my unit once by leaving my freezer to defrost overnight with a couple of towels under it. It looked pretty small, so I thought I'd be right. Opened my door the next morning and stepped into an inch of water. Luckily my apartment was tiled with no carpet. Unluckily, I was a very messy person and had a lot of clothes to clean and books ruined. There was still ice in the freezer!

Well, I hope you got a laugh out of that anyway. On the breakup note, *hugs* and I think you'll be fine, I can see you're strong and you're already finding ways to laugh and be positive. I know it still hurts, and judging by how much you loved this person, it will hurt for a long time, but if you 'fake it til you make it', hopefully you can manage to forget how much it hurts here and there. I wish you all the best.

[Lola]

Oh, baby, are you an Aquarius? Cuz if you are, our horoscope today says we're likely to be impractical, clumsy, and should use caution in dealing with mechanical stuff.

[uberinquisitive]

ATC - I really empathize. I'm going through a transition phase myself, as you know. It's been about a week for me.

What has helped tremendously: all the time I used to spend hanging out with the bf, I spend doing stuff for me.

I go to the movies myself, and watch what I want to see. I go to Indian restaurants (he hates Indian, and I love it) and totally enjoy my lamb biryani. I was asked to finish my screenplay in 2 weeks - now I have time, so yipee! And my online business is being designed AS WE SPEAK!

So the romance department is doing poorly. However, a lot of other departments are doing well. It helps to compartmentalize, and realize that just because once area sucks, doesn't mean my life in general sucks.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Astra, that sounds like something I would do! Luckily, nothing got ruined, but I am just so thankful I was there or it could have been a disaster!

Lola, I'm a Cancer...what should I be looking out for?!

Thanks, uber. I am trying to keep in mind to be thankful for all the areas of my life that are going well and also for even what isn't because there is something there to learn or cherish (we had some really wonderful times!).

I am so happy for you that the other areas are going well. From that state of mind it seems like only a matter of time that it will all come together.

[Honeywith4bees]

Aspiring~

It's time's like these that I wished either we all lived closer, or else teletransportation had already been invented, because then I'd go pick up all your supporters/friends and we'd pile on over to your place with chocolate and wine and lots of hugs and we'd stay up way to late laughing and talking and crying sometimes too.
You have been such a beacon of light to me when I've been down, Clarity, that I truly wish that I could shine back some of that light to you.

With love and hugs, Honey

[Bliss Sage]

Hi aspiring,

I'm sorry I'm so late posting here, but anyway I wanted to contribute too, even though I also don't know what to say. I know you love your boyfriend a lot and I know the hurt that comes with a break-up. Thanks for listening to me when I needed help and I'm sorry I don't know what to say beyond what everyone else has said. I hope some day I could be like you in how you deal with relationships. I feel that you will feel good and you will be happy too.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

I truly wish that I could shine back some of that light to you.

You just did . Thank you.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Bliss, thanks so much for your support. Everything helps!

[Dan.Linehan]

Hey Aspiring, hugs {{{}}}

Hope all goes well! Let me know if theres anything I can do to help.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks Dan. I always appreciate hugs!

[Lola]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Lola, I'm a Cancer...what should I be looking out for?!

Cancer Woman 2008

You have a fabulous year ahead of you filled with nourishing and harmonious relationships. You are showered with well-deserved recognition for your thoughtful, happy attitude and the good energy you bring to your world.

Fabulous new opportunities await you in love, business and creativity! Be true to yourself and sensitive to caring as deeply for yourself as you do for others in your life.

---exerpt from Lola's Predict Your Own Future

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I'll take that!!!

Thanks, Lola!

[Pegasus]

Hey {a_t_c},

I am so sorry to hear about your break-up. We’re all rooting for you! Take good care of yourself, especially now and in the next few weeks...

[NotesMaeve]

Aspiring, I don't know if this is "you" at all, but it did help me to throw myself back out in the dating pool.

I remember thinking to myself, "OOOOH! I'll never find another man who doesn't drink or smoke and doesn't do anything wild."

In LOLCAT speak... I were right.

And damn glad of it. Even the best people, in retrospect, can later show you ways they were perhaps not "the best" for you, even if they were just super for you at the time.

[Angela]

You can haz lltmbr!!

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Angela

You can haz lltmbr!!

YES!

Everyone can. Just a matter of choosing, and the selections are pretty awesome.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Thanks everybody. I am having good moments and bad moments. I had a chance to speak to his mom last night and she gets the impression from him that it's not really the end but that he needs this time to get things straight for himself. She thinks my feeling that he wants nothing to do with me is ridiculous. Maybe or maybe not. She said he's been wanting to talk to me, but so far I haven't heard anything. In any case, I guess I will see with time what happens. I am taking care of myself. No one seems to think that this is the end for us. And honestly my hope is that it's not. But if it really is, I know I will be okay. And I wish him all happiness.

One day I will date again (assuming he and I are not together) but probably not really soon.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I am quite frustrated right now. I am in a situation where the house I am living in will be sold soon. I knew it would be, but now it's actually become imminent. I feel like I am not sure which move to make next until we have at least talked and finalized things, but although his mom said he has been saying how much he needs to talk to me I still have not heard from him. So I called, but got no answer. I am trying really hard to be patient, but it's very difficult for me to be in this state of limbo with yet another stressful element added to my plate. I know that I will not base my decision on where to move solely on him, but I feel like I need his input because we have these pets together and most of his stuff is still at the house. I said this in the message and now I guess I just wait. It's just so difficult not knowing what is going to happen next. I am not sure what I should do or how long I should wait for a response before I try to contact him again. If anyone has any advice for me I am all ears. I think I am too entrenched in the situation to see clearly.

I am feeling very sad right now and very unsure of how to proceed.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Well, I've gotten the call. And it's not happy news for me at least. He has no plans to try to work things out. I am happy for him in that he intends to work out some things for himself and stand on his own two feet. He wants to work on his anger. He claims he was just bringing me down and while he's very sorry he can't be in a relationship now. He said not to ever think he doesn't miss me. He said I was the only person who ever loved him and believed in him and that I should find someone better for me. I don't even know why I am writing all this now. I know it's possible to care for someone yet not want to be with them. I just can't imagine not sharing my life with him. I want him to do what is best for him and this is it. That I fully support and understand, but it still sucks! I just miss him so much right now and even with our problems I just really thought we would last. I guess that's how everyone feels...nothing new...

I still know I will be okay. I still know that I want what is best for him. I love him and that doesn't change. But I guess I am just grieving right now. And wishing there was some way to make it all work out so we could still be together. I know I am just rambling. In my head I know, but my heart is broken. Before I had hope and now I have the reality of the situation. It just hurts like hell. I know he has the right idea...cutting off all contact, but to go from talking and touching someone everyday to nothing, especially when you both still love each other seems almost unbearable. I guess that sounds dramatic, but the one person who I turn to for real comfort is now unavailable to me. I am so thankful to have all of you and my local friends and my family, but it is not the same. With everything going on I feel I've lost my footing, my stability. Not just with him, but in every area. I am really not sure what to do right now. It's all uncertainty. I am sure there is some big lesson in this for me, but right now I just want to sleep until this pain is over.

Goodnight. Thanks for everything.