Disagreeing with a Roommate

[samuelpauls]

I came home from the university, wanting to takle a specific area that had yet to be organized from our rearranging of the house. Some of the things lying on the floor were mine, some were my roommates. Looking at everything, I began thinking of how I could organize it in the best possible way. I had only put two things away, when my roommate came up to me and told me to put them back on the floor so that we could put them away with everything else as we became more organized. Indicating various things on the living room floor, he explained how we may find it more appropriate to put some of those things were I had set the two items moments ago. I assured him that we could always rearrange what I was intending to put away if he found a better way to organize everything later and that I wanted to tackle an area of the house on my own for now so that I had something to show for it. I offered to compromise and not put the smaller things away quite yet, but that I would still prefer to put the larger things away. My roommate, stated how that wasn't good enough for him. Trying to remain as calm as possible, I explained that I felt that we should treat this as peers, not as me being managed by a roommate. My roommate then said that because he initiated the cleaning yesterday, he was in charge. I disagreed. He stated that the only reason I wasn't giving up on putting things away for now was just because I wanted to have my way and that I really knew his way of organizing was better. (To be fair, I would have appreciated some confirmation that he wasn't absolutely trying to run the show himself, but I seriously just wanted to help get the place clean while having some freedom to make my own decisions too without having to report every single suggestion to him.) My roommate continued by asking our other roommates to vote to put him in charge, to which each refused to respond. Still doing my best to remain calm, I pointed out that he shouldn't judge my intentions in the matter because that would only make it easier for me to point fingers back at him, especially after asking for a vote. Having talked about this for some time now, another roommate told us to both stop arguing with each other already. I must say that I found his statement rather humiliating and humbling but I wasn't quite ready to give up yet. Again, I offered to make a compromise as a peer with my roommate and he refused. While he was still with me talking, I picked up one of the larger items to put away and he said he'd keep taking it down again after I attempted to put it away. That would be quite the infinite loop and my roommate is very persistent so I said I had to take a break because I didn't know what I could in the situation presently. I still don't know what to do? I know I can't change anyone else, but I would at least like to think of my roommates as peers instead of managers. The best idea I have right now is to just withdraw from the organizing altogether. This gives my roommate his preference in where things go without any disagreement from me and it gives me the self respect of knowing that the projects I am still involved in, I have the ability to contribute some of the decisions, especially when they involve my own attempt at improving things. What would you do? Are there any more things you would need to know in order to understand the situation and come up with any ideas? Thank you for any advice you can provide to help me learn how to disagree in a healthy way with others, especially those I live with.

Samuel

[JimOfferman]

I have never understood why people can argue about something as unimportant as cleaning up. If the room is clean afterwards, does it really matter where you've put what in the cupboards?

Let it slide. Let him have his Feng Shui cupboard arrangements, or whatever makes this so important to him.

Save your arguments and your energy for things that do matter.

[Dan.Linehan]

It doesn't sound like anyone is too keen on working together.

But, working together is a two way street. Maybe you can just organize your own things for the time being?