Sense of Entitlement

[Honeywith4bees]

Hello Friends ~

It's me again, and I'm right back to where I always seem to end up at, feeling somehow, worthless and worth less than other women. This time, at least, I know that it is not true, however, I still get stuck, over and over again, wondering why on earth certain people I know, women mostly, who don't work as hard I do, or be as nice and giving as I am, or look as attractive as I do, or take care of them themselves so that they can be fit and healthy like I do, why do these people feel ENTITLED to be treated like queens, and I don't??

I know. The sense of deserving comes from within.

I try to look beyond other people and what I perceive them to be or have.
I try to focus on loving myself for what I am.
I try to take care of myself.
I try to focus on my artistic talents, things with real substance, rather than fleeting attributes like physical characteristics.
I journal.
I read.
I practice giving myself love.

Yet still, here I am once again, feeling like I'll never quite measure up . . .

Any one with some concrete ideas for me to try next??

[Angela]

Hey, HB4, the difference between you and these other women is that you have a thought that you habitually believe: "I am worthless." (They have their own thoughts that they habitually believe, you can count on that!). And you are responsible only for yours, not theirs. When you're over there in the business of other women, there's nobody present to take care of your business.

So, here you are, being "I am worthless" -- it's all over your OP -- looking outside yourself, to us, to figure out what you can do to try to overcome "I am worthless", even though whatever you try is doomed to failure because nothing can compete with that belief. The impact is that you are hopeless, stuck, and jealous, and what else? The impact on us is that we're also hopeless and stuck. We can't make you not believe the thought "I am worthless."

All that hopelessness, stuckness, jealousy, and other impacts are present because you are believing a thought in the head of a four year old girl. A ghost is running your life!

So: who would you be right now if you were not believing that thought, "I am worthless"? What would be possible for you if you were to practice letting go of that thought and being a possibility that has inspired you: Being Bold, Beautiful, and Free? (or something new that inspires you now.)

I'm not asking you to stop being "I am worthless" or to start being Bold, Beautiful, and Free. I am asking you to speculate about what would be possible in your life if you chose to practice.

(You don't just do it once and you're done, remember? It's a lifelong practice, letting go of what doesn't work in creating a life you love, and generating something new that makes a difference in creating a life you love.)

Ready to practice?

lotsoflove
angela

[DayInTheLife]

Yet still, here I am once again, feeling like I'll never quite measure up . . .

What specifically are you trying to measure up to?

Their apparent sense of entitlement? Their apparent level of happiness?

Don't forget you can only see the exterior of other people. 90% of what comprises another person is unknowable to anybody else. Those you envy could be miserable inside, perhaps posting a similar thread on another forum. On top of that, our conclusions about other people are heavily distorted by our emotions and assumptions. These impressions are not to be trusted.

But say you are correct in your appraisals... If others act as if they deserve to be treated well, but you don't, I would guess the difference is the level self-esteem you possess.

I've discovered the reason for my own self-esteem issues is that I am constantly seeking the approval of others. I care what they think. My image in their minds is more important than anything. As a child prodigy, I grew up on praise and reverence, and now I'm an approval junkie.

My concrete idea as for what to try next:

Whenever you have an impulse to do or say something, ask yourself why you have the urge to do it. You might find these impulses often stem from a desire to garner some sort of approval from others. You tell a joke so they find you amusing. You offer interesting facts so they find you interesting. Every time they laugh, every time they respond with interest, you find it gratifying. If you don't have a good self-image, these bits of external approval might comprise your entire sense of pride. It is possible to have low self-esteem and not even know it.

Really think about this: do you seek these scraps of approval to build your own sense of worth?

I sure do, and realizing that broke down walls for me.

[Old Soul]

Yet still, here I am once again, feeling like I'll never quite measure up . . .

but why measure yourself against another person in the first place? I don't understand why you would do that ... your sense of self and worth, and identity does not come from comparriing yourself to anyone to begin with, when you look at others they are on the same playing field as you, they have the same exact worth as you do...... there is no graduating levels, or scale that says this is better than that,

I think the problem lies with the above stated... throw away the measuring stick!!! see yourself as my equal not above me or below me

but side by side me....

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Hello Friends ~

It's me again, and I'm right back to where I always seem to end up at, feeling somehow, worthless and worth less than other women. This time, at least, I know that it is not true, however, I still get stuck, over and over again, wondering why on earth certain people I know, women mostly, who don't work as hard I do, or be as nice and giving as I am, or look as attractive as I do, or take care of them themselves so that they can be fit and healthy like I do, why do these people feel ENTITLED to be treated like queens, and I don't??

I'm confused...and it is quite easy to do!

Treated like queens by whom?

What women? Family members? Co-workers? Strangers?


For the longest time, I felt that way about my sister. I wondered, why she had everything and I had nothing. Then, one day I decided that it wasn't that she felt like she was better than I was. It was that I felt like she was better than I was. So...I stopped comparing myself to her. I realized that she wasn't as perfect as I thought...she was human, like me.

All of the resentment that I felt towards my sister was really directed at myself. I was angry at myself for not accomplishing things in my life, and directing my anger at her. This may not be what you are going through, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't the first person to look at someone and say, "Why her and not me?"

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Angela

I am asking you to speculate about what would be possible in your life if you chose to practice.

When I speculate about what I could be doing differently, I imagine that I would feel much happier, I would have more room and freedom to love myself and others instead of judging all the time. I would be bold enough to accept the love into my life that is being offered to me without thinking that I'm not good enough to deserve it, or that it may be taken away from me by other people that deserve it more than I do. I would quit spending so much of my energy trying to live up to an imagined standard that if I could just reach, I would finally be considered "worthy".

I do recognize these things.
I recognize how "I am worthless" is running my life.
I can see when "I am worthless" has stolen control.

I just can't seem to make the step away from that control.

[Angela]

So let me get this straight: you could choose to:

a) believe a four year old's thought, and be "I can't!" and "I'm trapped, worthless, stuck, jealous, and I'll never measure up!" and stinginess, exhaustion, and frustration;

or

b) practice acknowledging "I am worthless" and letting it go, and practice bringing in front of you being bold, beautiful, and free -- and have available to you freedom, room, love, boldness, and value.

HB4, remember the impact on yourself and on others of believing that thought, "I am worthless." Remember and be with the price you and your kids and everyone around you pays when you believe that thought. It's a little thought in a little kid's head, and because you're choosing to allow it to run unexamined through your head now, it's causing all kinds of pain and mayhem.

Remember that if you don't choose to practice deliberately thinking thoughts that feel good when you think them, the old pain is going to see its chance and move right in! Right now, you're inviting your old pain in for coffee and homemade muffins. "Oh, Old Pain, are you comfy? Can I get you a blanky?"

Let me know if you need a refresher in generating a thought that works better in creating a life you're in love with, my little honeybee.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

For me, honey, the more I recognize and let go, the easier it gets. If you are just starting out on this journey to letting go of "I am worthless" and being "I am bold, beautiful and free" there are going to be times where it still seems to get the best of you. It takes a lot of practice to not just hear that old thought and accept it as fact.

Practice listening to the thoughts swirling in your head and stepping back mentally for a moment. When those feelings come up for you listen to them as if one of your kids were talking to you when they were very young. Does that change the way you look at them?

I want to encourage you that it gets much easier as you keep working at it. There have been times I felt that my transformation "didn't take" and I was doomed. But guess what, that was "I am nothing" talking and it's a lie. I am freedom and light. And when the pain comes back, I start to ask myself, what would someone who is free and light do? How would she think about herself, how would she treat the people around her, who would she BE? Then I be it.

You can do this. You are lovely and powerful and full of life. Everything you need is there for the taking. Grab hold of it!

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

It's me again, and I'm right back to where I always seem to end up at, feeling somehow, worthless and worth less than other women.

Silly you!

I believe I've told you quite some time ago that you are the very definition of worthwhile. Don't make me tell you again!

(whoops, think you just did...)

[Angela]

The funny thing about these decisions we made ourselves when we were children, Jim.... no one else's assurances really penetrate, because we've got years and years of habitually thinking "I'm worthless" (or nothing, or unloveable, or etc.) acting as a barrier. It just feels so shocking, doesn't it, that someone as incredibly lovely and loving and fabulous as Honeywith4bees could believe that she is worthless.

I mean, it's always really great and helpful to offer support and affirmation, of course. You are such a love bomb, generating good feelings everywhere you go.

And it's up to each of us to dismantle these old pain beliefs that keep us separate and in pain. Unfortunately, nobody else can do it for you!

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

You can do this. You are lovely and powerful and full of life. Everything you need is there for the taking. Grab hold of it!

Originally Posted by Angela

Remember that if you don't choose to practice deliberately thinking thoughts that feel good when you think them, the old pain is going to see its chance and move right in! Right now, you're inviting your old pain in for coffee and homemade muffins. "Oh, Old Pain, are you comfy? Can I get you a blanky?"

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I believe I've told you quite some time ago that you are the very definition of worthwhile. Don't make me tell you again!

It's no wonder I love you guys ! Thanks, everyone. This has really helped.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Angela

And it's up to each of us to dismantle these old pain beliefs that keep us separate and in pain. Unfortunately, nobody else can do it for you!

I agree. I just wanted to give her another handle to help her do that, since you had already explained how this works so poignantly

[Ree]

Honey, I read your original post yesterday morning and had to take off out the door for my first day back at work since the holidays began. Your words were running through my head all day, I think because I identify with them SO!

Let me say that I was a little surprised to hear such thoughts coming from you! From your participation in this forum, I see you as a strong and sensitive woman raising her children and cruising from one level of PD to the next, with one foot in the ethereal and the other firmly planted on solid ground When I saw your name on a post, I made SURE to read it!!

Your doubts and insecurities are incredibly familiar to me. Your feelings about others who seem so entitled are also feelings I can relate to. I used to feel like a total outsider, like there was a huge secret about life and being happy and being confident that everyone knew except for me. Not anymore.

As Clarity said, you have started the journey and it takes a lot of practice. For me it was a very very gradual process with a lot of missteps. For years it seemed as if I took three steps forward and two steps back!!

But I got there! You'll get there! And the journey is rewarding and eye-opening and I'm a stronger person for it. You will be, too.

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Old Soul

I think the problem lies with the above stated... throw away the measuring stick!!! see yourself as my equal not above me or below me

but side by side me....

That is a lovely way to look at it, Old Soul, thank you for that!

Originally Posted by Ree

For years it seemed as if I took three steps forward and two steps back!!

But I got there! You'll get there! And the journey is rewarding and eye-opening and I'm a stronger person for it. You will be, too.

Thanks for the response, Ree. I am taking the two steps forward, three steps back trip right now, but I guess I need to just recognize that it will happen, and be prepared to deal with it when it does. I think that one of the things that happened is that I am really, really busy at work, so I don't have any time to relax or unwind and I am overtired. Being stressed like that seems to be an invitation for relapse. So I have to just guard myself against that in the future.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Thanks for the response, Ree. I am taking the two steps forward, three steps back trip right now, but I guess I need to just recognize that it will happen, and be prepared to deal with it when it does. I think that one of the things that happened is that I am really, really busy at work, so I don't have any time to relax or unwind and I am overtired. Being stressed like that seems to be an invitation for relapse. So I have to just guard myself against that in the future.

Yes! Don't forget how important it is to take care of yourself. It's hard for us as women and moms and nurturers and caregivers to take care of ourselves, but it's most important.

Taking time for yourself is definitely a way in which you acknowledge and declare to the world your own value and your own importance........ even if it's just 20 minutes for a cup of hot tea and a few pages of poetry Start out with baby steps and before you'll know it, you'll be doing a half-day at the spa!