me and my boyfrind have split after 3 n half yrs

[xxxdawniexxx]

im really down with the split of my boyfriend we split up new year because of me we have a kid together and one on the way and i dont know what to do hes moved out of my house im taking it really badly i love him so much n its hurtin knowing we arent together he said i need to sort myself out and i said if i do sort myself out will you come back to me and he said i'll think about it hes my first love to i dont want anyone but him what if he dont take me back its messin me up i cant eat or sleep i cant hardly look after my 19 month old son coz im in a bad way. my boyfriend said he'd always be there for me and the kids and i said it arent the same the house is so empty i broke down in tears when he picked his stuff up n he held me n it made it worse, if he finds someone else i cant accept that coz i love him i feel like my whole world as just calapst in front of me like ive lost everything

[Johblogs]

There is a great book that has helped me called Girlosophy Breakup Survival Kit by Anthea Paul.
If you can get hold of that, it is well worth reading.
One of the things she suggests which I found to be true, after you have had your good cry and debrief (go easy on that though, in view of future), is to look after yourself. It is difficult with small children, however, if you take good care of yourself by eating, sleeping, drinking plenty of water, you will begin to feel better.
Sorry that's all I got for now, that and my hope for you that life will become wonderful again.

[Terumoto]

How old are you anyway?

And why did you and your boyfriend split up?

If I were you, I'd probably look into reading some books on parenting or something. Raising two children isn't a walk in the park; you've got two people's lives in your hands. It's a situation far more complex than basic grammar and you don't even have that down pat. Good luck. -_-

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Terumoto

If I were you, I'd probably look into reading some books on parenting or something. Raising two children isn't a walk in the park; you've got two people's lives in your hands. It's a situation far more complex than basic grammar and you don't even have that down pat. Good luck. -_-

Terumoto, perhaps you should start another thread and tell us what is troubling you in your life instead of casting toxic judgemental comments.

Dawnie, breaking up is tough. I know you are hurting, but you will get through this. Do you have anyone in your support group who can help you? Collapsing into your emotions is not the answer, your son needs you, so does the baby growing inside you. Take the steps needed in caring for them and decide what steps you need to make to get the life you want. For the moment plan your life without your bf. He has decided to leave and I doubt begging will bring him back. Who knows what will happen in the future, but right now you have an opportunity to make the future you dream of. I support you in this.

Love

[Terumoto]

So you don't agree that parenting is more difficult than basic grammar, and that it should be taken seriously?

I doubt it... Maybe I was a little more blunt than I needed to be, but I meant what I said.

[xxxdawniexxx]

im 20 21 next month... i seen him today and asked him to marry me and he went no so i thought fine then and hes been an idiot saying that his son is not his responsibility coz i rang his mate saying that i found a cigarette burn on his back and my ex werent there he goes im not passing messages on, i said well j as a burn on his back he goes are you saying richard did it i said no im not blaming him i think he as the right to know that his son got burnt... later on richard my ex partner texted me saying ring me now so i did and he said why arte you ringing pete again i said coz your f***** son as a burn mark from a fag on his back and thats when he said about the responsibility. I did say to him though that he as responsibilities to his child to it cant be all one sided i said i want child maintanence off him if you dont pay it you arent seeing jacob he goes i arent bothered... some kind of father eh he doesnt deserve these kids and when he does find someone else they'll soon find out what he's actually like. i got a feeling i'll get over sooner than i expected after treating me like dirt today and taking me for a mug with money.

my future plans now are to, get my own place (again) and do it up nice... get my kids sorted and enjoy myself being single i think i deserve it after nearly 4 years of grief. and as for richard jacob can call him rick instead of dad i know its evil but richard will soon realise hes lost everything even his kids hes no father.

richard used to batter me, smoke alot of cannibis he did cocaine afew times he lied to me he used to treat me as a fool and im glad ive got rid of him no woman whos pregnant deserves that he even treated jacob like crap i had to do everything i even had to buy his drugs.

[Terumoto]

Well, it sounds like you had a rough time in the past few years... Now that he's out of your life and you have a plan for the future, things aren't looking so grim.

[dancer]

Dawnie,

If you think someone has burnt your child with a cigarette, then you need to take action to prevent it from happening again. This action could be making your home a non-smoking area. If friends come around and want to smoke, ask them to go outside to smoke as you do not want your children to be passive smokers.

I'm sorry that you have had it tough, Dawnie. You are right, you do deserve better, but it is up to you to make that happen. What attracted you to this site? I'm glad you found it as there is lots of information here to help you feel better about yourself and work towards getting the life you want and deserve.

It's great that you have started planning what your next steps are and want to give your children a nice place to live. What are your dreams? What do you love doing? What would you like to do with your life?

[xxxdawniexxx]

ive actually give my home up and living with my sister and her bf and her daughter they smoke and i cant exactly say stop smoking can i, when i was in my own house i told everyone to stop smoking in the house and they didnt listen its like it went through one ear and out the other.

Its definetaly over between me and richard end of the day hes put me through hell and ive told him im moving to manchester he said go then so i am and i arent telling him were i am going because i dont think he deserves to see his beautiful son and hopefully daughter who im gunna call either sky mackenzie or summer mackenzie if its a boy im going to crap myself lol havent thought of any names itll be good to have one of each

my plans for the future are to move away and start a brand new life and live my life to the max coz you only got 1 life to live and i certainly arent old enough to settle down just yet and i wish i saw that when i was 17 before i got myself into this situation. my dreams are to be a singer but that will never happen coz i cant afford a demo because my income is under a grand a month id like to get a good paid job in the manchester city then maybe start a life in london. i looked this site up on google i really needed someone to talk to which ive also contacted jeremy kyle show and im going to see where it goes from there

I have a date this thursday with the same guy richard gave abuse to hes going to take me to the cinema i started crying because i havent had that in years go to the cinema with a different guy richard only took me for meals at the same resturants which was disapointing i wanted to try new places.

[Spiritual]

Wow, reading through this topic I just felt like being in the Hood! Amazing....

[dancer]

Dawnie, congratualtions, it really sounds like you are taking charge of your life. I feel really happy for you reading about your plans.

You could always suggest to your sister and brother-in-law about smoking outside. Obviously, the main benefit is giving the children a smoke free environment, but there are many others as well. Who knows, they may even agree with you. I smoke sometimes, but keep it to outside, even if it is blowing a snow blizzard.

Keep your dream of singing in your focus. Do you write your own songs? Life is funny, sometimes you mention a dream to someone and before you know it, they have a contact and the next thing you know things start happening and one day you find yourself living your dream. There are many on this site who are interested in music and working towards their goals. Perhaps, they will inspire you and you will inspire them. Believe it is possible.

Love is wonderful, Dawnie. It is one thing that everyone on the planet wants to experience. But, there is an important factor to love that some of us are unaware of and that is: that we love ourselves first. I've heard this a million times in my life and thought, yeah yeah and then some guy came a long and I fell in love, but the hole inside of me never felt filled and the relationship died. It is now, I understand that until I love myself I will not meet real love. Do you love yourself, Dawnie?

[xxxdawniexxx]

ive got a solicitor against my ex because i dont want him seeing my son or daughter he as found someone else and started ringing me up last night giving me abuse for no reason at all and he as a lot to hide which im telling my social worker because he doesnt deserve kids hes really upset me and i feel like an idiot when i see his girlfriend im gunna break her neck because she is a slut, she was threatening me down the phone so i told her to get to my house well i beat her up shes 9 months pregnant and my ex would rather look after her kids then his own and hes welcome to her because they'll have enough of one an other and she sleeps around and hes a druggy he as noone anyway not even his parents, their on my side and they know that i have a solicitor and they know what im doing and they are happy with it all.

anyway my life is getting better im having a girl im calling her scarlett may howarth i cant wait and im also getting my house back im doing it up nice and as for richard he can drop dead.

[Parthon]

This is going to sound really weird, but the only thing you can do right now is raise your level of consciousness.

I'm hearing a lot of attachment and grief over those attachments, both from yourself and from your ex. There's a lot of egotistical actions going on, you are trying to hurt each other, and I see hate, violence, shame, anger and fear. A nice concoction of negative mental-emotional expressions all over the place.

Right now though I think anger probably is the right way to go, followed by pride. He f'ed you over, did some horrible things and you should be pissed off at him. You deserve better than that, and your son does too.

After that is courage, being brave and facing your fears. Avoid anger, hate and fear, then break down those fears that keep you back. Look at what's happening right now, and look at what you can do to make you life better. Use making your life better as a sign post for what to do next. If you want to do something like hurt someone, think how it will make your life better. You will find many hateful things, even though they will make you feel better will actually make it worse, as people try and get revenge or you get into trouble with the law or other people still.

I think the only thing for you to do is take those choices that make your life better, and avoid those that make it worse. Just use your courage to uncover the truth and use that as a basis for your decisions. It's hard work but it's worth it.

[dancer]

You sound pretty fired up, Dawnie. I think the harassing telephone calls are to provoke you into doing something you’ll regret. I suggest you take a few deep breaths and think about what you have to lose by retaliating with violence. My guess is you’ll end up being charged with assault. Would the satisfaction of hitting her be worth running the risk of ending up in jail and Children Services taking your children? If they call you, refer them to your solicitor. I’m sure he/she can advise you how to handle them.

You don’t want the guy anyway. Let him go and focus on building a safe environment for you and your children away from drugs and violence. Anger is a great energy to make changes in your life. Don’t waste it by thumping someone or have screaming matches, use the energy to make a better life for you and your children. How are things going with your singing?

Play smart and be cool,

[VetTechJess]

don't forget, most importantly those children... If you have one already and another on the way then he has a responsibility to those children, and it could come in the form of child support taken out of his paycheck every pay period. I would talk to your local child support offices to see what they can do to help you. In the meantime, see if you can get your mother or another relative to watch your child. Youre going thru a hard time right now, and need some time alone to gather yourself together.