I only attract women ... !

[dmobfuscation]

I’ve run into a problem. I only seem to have the ability to attract women; which is great because I want a woman (read: wife). I have my goals in life set out, a career, a steady place to live and a newer car. I pay my own bills; and otherwise do all the “adult” things that most people my age don’t do. (like hold a job).

Problem is, while the 27 – 39 year olds that I attract are more-or-less what I’m looking for I’m only 19. Leaving both of us saying, WTF? (usually we get closer and closer until the "how come you can't goto the bar" question comes up >.>)I don’t attract girls my age; and so I ask; how can I attract these irresponsible; naughty; young-ladies?

It’s not that I don’t go out and have fun, from what my female friends have told me I am attractive, smart, have some cash, but otherwise because I don’t live my life based on things like strife and envy I just don’t pull.

Aside from being a superficial ******* (read: I'm a "nice guy")... what can I do?


[edit] Basically, what I'm saying is why are girls my age afraid of a relationship with me? They will sleep with me, be my best friend, try out new and crazy things with me, but can't commit.


-dm

[Rose of Cairo]

Who says they are afraid and can't commit? Maybe they just don't feel like doing it.

I can remember that at age 18, I would never have wanted a guy who has his goals in life set out, a career, a steady place to live and a newer car, and who's looking for a wife. What I wanted was: discover new things and try them out, see the world, have adventures, migrate every year... Certainly not find a husband and settle down.

If those older women are what you're looking for, why don't you choose one of them? Are ten years of age difference such a catastrophe?

Btw, older women can be naughty too

[m18pak]

Originally Posted by dmobfuscation

Basically, what I'm saying is why are girls my age afraid of a relationship with me? They will sleep with me, be my best friend, try out new and crazy things with me, but can't commit.

If you have sex and friendship then doesn't that essentially constitute a relationship?

What more do you need?

Or is it that they're polyamorous and you want someone to be just with you?

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by dmobfuscation

I’ve run into a problem. I only seem to have the ability to attract women; which is great because I want a woman (read: wife). I have my goals in life set out, a career, a steady place to live and a newer car. I pay my own bills; and otherwise do all the “adult” things that most people my age don’t do. (like hold a job).

Problem is, while the 27 – 39 year olds that I attract are more-or-less what I’m looking for I’m only 19. Leaving both of us saying, WTF? (usually we get closer and closer until the "how come you can't goto the bar" question comes up >.>)I don’t attract girls my age; and so I ask; how can I attract these irresponsible; naughty; young-ladies?

It’s not that I don’t go out and have fun, from what my female friends have told me I am attractive, smart, have some cash, but otherwise because I don’t live my life based on things like strife and envy I just don’t pull.

Aside from being a superficial ******* (read: I'm a "nice guy")... what can I do?


[edit] Basically, what I'm saying is why are girls my age afraid of a relationship with me? They will sleep with me, be my best friend, try out new and crazy things with me, but can't commit.


-dm

I'm 22 and marrying a dude in his late 30's. Works for me. I don't question why the universe gave me a sexy beast that happens to be more than 15 years my senior for the same reason I don't question why his hair is curly. If you're enjoying life, why does it matter?

[Terumoto]

So, according to you, your problem is that you are young, intelligent, attractive, you have a steady job, a decent income, a lot of friends, and you get a fair amount of sex.

What?

You talk about girls as if they are a single entity. As if the millions upon millions of girls your age are all exactly the same, can't give you what you want, and don't want a committed relationship with you. Well, unless you've met every single one of them, I think you should be spending less time on the internet complaining about non-existent problems and more time proactively looking for whatever it is you seek in a partner.

[dmobfuscation]

Rose: good obvious point (as far as what the girls want). I know older women can be fun; and I know that the age difference isn’t that great of a deal. (All of my sisters have husbands 5-10 years older than them). Maybe we (me and woman involved) perceive the age difference to be a hindering block because of my starting age. Oh, and some of them told me straight out that they were afraid. I guess I just don’t know how to handle other people’s fears; to help them step out of that mindset. I don’t care if the girl comes to me and just says she don’t want anything serious; it’s the ones who say they want it, for the most part give it, but won’t admit to it. I.E. the girl who checks up on me, sleeps with me, cries on my shoulder, goes out with me and yet won’t admit I’m anything but a friend. Maybe our definition of friend is different, because I don’t usually sleep with friends (see below)

M18pak: Essentially, yes; that’s all I need, but casual sex with a friend is something I’m not fond of (I don’t enjoy being promiscuous (born and bred with traditional beliefs)). I want a girl that I’m going to date; not just for (her/my) booty calls.

NotesMaeve: I’m not really enjoying this aspect of my life. I’m attempting to understand why I don’t enjoy it and what it is that I can do to help change it.

Terumoto: Yeah, let me re-read that 8 or 9 more times. As far as the time I spend on the internet; well I develop web-sites for a living it only makes sense I surf when I’m bored. (I.e. I’m at work now; I don’t really use the computer at home except for movies and music)

I guess, from these responses, and mostly from just asking and venting my thoughts that I’m starting to see some steps to take. Someone told me a couple years ago that 18-22 would be the hardest part of my life, internally. I see that I’m not yet a man, and I think that’s where the problem with trying to date a women comes in. But I’m not a boy either; leaving me unsure how to act around my female peers; and perhaps that’s it: that I just don’t know how to act around any of my peers. But when searching for good friends I easily look outside of that group of people, however I feel an intense desire to be with a girl my own age. so what's next?


-dm

[m18pak]

So you're saying that the young women you meet all want to have no-strings-attached fun and sample different guys, but you want somebody who will commit to you.

Is that right? I'm not sure I fully understand what your problem is.

If I did get it right, have you tried asking these women why they want to "party" so much?

[Lauxa]

When I was 18 I resolved that I wanted to explore the field and would not date a guy for more than 3 months. I saw my friends getting into year or two or three relationships and then splitting up and thought what a waste. Turns out the first guy I started dating I ended up marrying. And the main thing that convinced me to stick with him was a random comment from a friend about how well he treated me.

So from my limited experience, I would recommend that you treat the ladies super well and they will respond. I am not talking about showering her with gifts, but just things like paying attention to her at parties and including her when you are hanging out with your friends, listening to her and sharing with her and making her feel special. And especially being on your very best manners whenever you are around her friends and family, because you never know who will put in a good word for you.