dont care what others think

[sonicpunk32]

what does it mean when people dont care what others think?

what does it mean if your friends dont care what you think or believe in? does it mean they respect you? or...?

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

what does it mean when people dont care what others think?

Depends. I don't care too much about what others think (about me), but I am not indifferent to their thoughts either. What I mean by that is that I make my own choices, based on what I think is good for me. If my friends disagree, I'll listen to their comments (or perhaps interpret their lack thereof) and then adjust my course only if I think they are right.

what does it mean if your friends dont care what you think or believe in? does it mean they respect you? or...?

Does it really matter if they care? Does it really say anything about you? (Other than that you apparently care very much about what others think of you)

[Rose of Cairo]

Hiya sonicpunk

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

what does it mean when people dont care what others think?

It depends... Do you mean when people don't care about what other's thoughts about all kind of subjects are, or don't care about other people's judgements about them? That's two different situations.

Maybe they just don't care about others. Maybe they do care about others, but not about how others do judge them. I guess when someone doesn't care about what others might think about them, that shows they are independent and have self-confidence.

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

what does it mean if your friends dont care what you think or believe in? does it mean they respect you? or...?

You think your friends aren't interested in your thoughts and beliefs? I don't know if that has something to do with respect. But maybe you should choose friends who are interested in the same kind of friendship you would like to have?

[Fullcrum]

I'm with stupid ^^^.

Haha, I only kid.

I do not care at all, 0% about what anyone thinks of me. Reputation. Status. That said, now that I don't care, I'm 100% free to go for these things without attachment. Not directly of course, but they're there to be enjoyed.

When your friends do not care what anyone thinks of them I find we have a better time. We're outside our heads. Not worried. Just enjoying the time.

It really seems like a more authentic way to communicate, like our cores are speaking without being filtered through social expectation. That's what it feels like, being unfiltered and unstifled.

[sonicpunk32]

Hi, Rose of Cairo.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

You think your friends aren't interested in your thoughts and beliefs? I don't know if that has something to do with respect. But maybe you should choose friends who are interested in the same kind of friendship you would like to have?

I think that's more on the lines of what I meant.

But, if someone doesnt care what you think, or what you believe in, is it even worth it to express yourself to them? I got into a disagreement with my friend about something and she sounded frustrated. In the end she concluded this "I dont really care what you believe in" then went on to other things. I mean those words, they sound so cold. Wouldnt it be better to say "I agree to disagree, and I respect your opinion" ?

Cause I've been noticing over the past years people saying they dont care about things, dont care about others or what they think. To me, it's all fear based. "If I dont care what you think, then you cant hurt me," so they project that out and say it to everyone. They reject others before others reject them. It just sounds very cold.

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

When your friends do not care what anyone thinks of them I find we have a better time. We're outside our heads. Not worried. Just enjoying the time.

It really seems like a more authentic way to communicate, like our cores are speaking without being filtered through social expectation. That's what it feels like, being unfiltered and unstifled.

If that's what it means, then this is very new to me. So not caring what a person thinks of you, means you appreciate them? Or does it just mean you have removed any influence they have over you?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Hi, Rose of Cairo.

You may call me Rose

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

But, if someone doesnt care what you think, or what you believe in, is it even worth it to express yourself to them? I got into a disagreement with my friend about something and she sounded frustrated. In the end she concluded this "I dont really care what you believe in" then went on to other things. I mean those words, they sound so cold. Wouldnt it be better to say "I agree to disagree, and I respect your opinion" ?

I've been thinking about that. I can understand that you're frustrated if they don't care about your thoughts. Of course it doesn't make much sense to talk about it then. So you'd rather look for friends who want to share their thoughts with you too.

Now, in that situation you're describing, I'm asking myself if she really didn't care. It sounds more like she got frustrated and defensive. Did you agree to disagree? Did you respect her opinion? Or did you push her a bit? Maybe she said she doesn't care only to close the conversation, so that you would stop arguing already. Could that be? Or she wanted to be right badly. Or you wanted to be right badly. Was this conversation more like sharing ideas, or more like a battle of two egos?

[sonicpunk32]

Well, Rose. She told me in the end that she was just randomly venting some anger (she does that alot). She got into (well it was mostly) a one-sided argument with me for no reason. She apologized in the end and was kinda embarrassed about it. She didnt even know she was doing it. We smiled and moved on after that.

[Rose of Cairo]

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...tor-or-a-cage/

[sonicpunk32]

you think that she is a cage?

[Fullcrum]

Yes, exactly, you appreciate them for who they really are. You feel their presence, enjoy your time with them, and generally have a blast without caring what they think of you. So if they move away from you...it's fine. You realize that no one's opinions of you truly affect you. It's not who you are, you're uncategorizable by default, so why should their judgements ever affect you?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

you think that she is a cage?

That's not what I wanted to say. I just wanted to give you an interesting little input since you seem to have general problems with your friends. Deliberately choose a few elevators!

Best wishes to you. Lots of love,

Rose.

[sonicpunk32]

I will, and thank you rose.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Yes, exactly, you appreciate them for who they really are. You feel their presence, enjoy your time with them, and generally have a blast without caring what they think of you. So if they move away from you...it's fine. You realize that no one's opinions of you truly affect you. It's not who you are, you're uncategorizable by default, so why should their judgements ever affect you?

What if I were to one day want something, and that something happened to be in the power of these people but they do not have a good opinon of me.

[Rose of Cairo]

You're welcome, sonicpunk

[sonicpunk32]

what if, not just one person, but an entire group of people (perhaps everyone) dont respect you or like you? what if you had to live with these people? what if these are the only people there is to talk to, but they dont like you and they ignore you making it impossible to talk to them? what if? They talk to themselves, blissfully ignoring your existence.

I know many (if not all) people have never experienced having everyone hate them, but please just entertain my idea. what if? what would you do? what kind of self esteem would one have? what would it say about that person? how is the Law of Attraction working in that everywhere you go there are people who have no respect and not even a shred of a desire to talk to you. what can be in a person's aura that makes everyone stay away from them?

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

what would you do?

Find another group of people to be around.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Find another group of people to be around.

you misunderstood. i meant *everyone*.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

you misunderstood. i meant *everyone*.

Dude, there are six billion people on this earth. They can't possibly all dislike you!

I understood you perfectly. You may feel like everybody hates you, but that is simply not true. It's a figment of your imagination. A construct in your mind. A self fulfilling prophecy (because it blinds you to those people who do care). An idea that you don't seem to want to let go of, because apparently you like being miserable.

It's your choice really. Be miserable or be happy.

Sounds like a rather easy one to me.

Do you want to hear the big secret to being happy? Here goes: plant a single seed of happiness in your heart and water it with lots of tender loving care. Protect it while it is small against every storm that rages inside and outside and then watch it grow into a big and strong tree that eats hurricanes for breakfast. It takes a good time to grow such strong a tree...

...but it all starts with that single seed.

edit: Sorry if the above comes across a little as me shouting "be happy, damnit!" to you. Your current state of mind touches a nerve with me, because I've walked in those shoes for waaaaaay to long. I'm not trying to be hard on you, just hoping you'll wake up a little quicker than I.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

how is the Law of Attraction working in that everywhere you go there are people who have no respect and not even a shred of a desire to talk to you. what can be in a person's aura that makes everyone stay away from them?

Self-hate.

If everybody hates you, has no respect for you and not even a shred of a desire to talk to you, that means that you hate yourself, have no respect for yourself and not even a shred of a desire to talk to yourself.

Love yourself. Respect yourself. Talk to yourself, which means listen to yourself and be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself.

The others will follow

Besides, we love you here. See, it's not everybody

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

edit: Sorry if the above comes across a little as me shouting "be happy, damnit!" to you. Your current state of mind touches a nerve with me, because I've walked in those shoes for waaaaaay to long. I'm not trying to be hard on you, just hoping you'll wake up a little quicker than I.

Oh this just makes me happier to get some help and advice a bit. I mean I'm glad that you can sympathize with my situation. I'm just happier that I'm getting some replies. Thanks, and you too Rose of Cairo.

I mean this, just gives me hope for a better future for me:

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Dude, there are six billion people on this earth. They can't possibly all dislike you!

[sonicpunk32]

It's just very dehumanizing to be ignored and I'm sick of it happening everytime. I'm looking for ways to stop it.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

It's just very dehumanizing to be ignored and I'm sick of it happening everytime. I'm looking for ways to stop it.

I'm not surprised you are experienceing what you're experiencing. You get what you expect. Experiment with the thought you are interesting and people like you. Open up to the idea that you are likeable. Stressing over it isn't going to help and could lead to you sending out uptight vibes. Relax and plant some happiness seeds like Jim suggested.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

It's just very dehumanizing to be ignored

Being ignored is not what dehumanizes you. For example if I get ignored, I could think something like "Oh cool, they let me in peace!". What determines how you feel is never the situation itself (or else we would all react the same way when in the same situation). It's your thoughts about that situation. You're dehumanizing yourself by deciding that being ignored is dehumanizing.

How about deciding something else?

I like using following image: their ignoring you is like throwing an old, stinky sneaker at your feet. You can put on the old shoe (yuck!) and feel crappy (feel dehumanized). Or else you can choose not to put that old shoe on, and just keep on feeling good. Next time they ignore you, imagine this old sneaker, and imagine letting it where it is, or kicking it back to them, and smile.

You're free to choose how you feel, in any given situation. It has nothing to do with the situation itself. You just have to make this choice conscious.

Lots of love to you

[Parthon]

Rose is spot on again.

It's like the saying from Bhudda: If someone gives you a gift and you refuse to take it, to whom does the gift belong?

If you refuse to "be ignored" by other people, then you just let them have their way and you go on yours.

One thing I see missing though for you is self worth. I see that you are unsure of yourself, or what you have to offer other people. Do you tend to hang around others to gain friends and hope they don't uncover the real you at all?

The next step is building self worth, finding things that are already there in you that are worth something, and uncovering them. If you don't find anything, invent something and build it. Popular people are only so because they have worth. Confident people more so, because they have self worth. All the great charismatic leaders believed in themselves formost, allowing them to believe in other people.

As for caring what others think, you can never know the mind of another, only your own. When you worry about people ignoring you, or what they think of you, *you* are the one thinking about them thinking. It's all in your head. There does exist in reality actions of people and outcomes, but the intepretation and the thoughts about the whole thing are all yours. In fact, people are too busy worrying about what people think of them to actually think of you at all. 95% of the time, those that actively don't care what you think use it as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from any ideas that might unhinge the way they think about themselves. You can never get someone to do respect you, or even stop ignoring you. You can only make yourself a worthy person, and become someone who deserves to be listened to and respected.

[Fullcrum]

I've changed countless people's opinions of me who thought I was a dork. And I made them respect me. In an instant. It wasn't even some giant situation. I just started treating myself better and they followed suit. In that moment. Change is always possible. People like to be followers. Most won't over-impose some negative opinion of you. And if they do, you're more important anyway. You are the hero!

I bet you're in one of three situations:

1. High school

2. College

3. Dead end job

Cause that's the only thing that comes to mind when I hear someone ask a question like this. I've asked these kinds of questions before. Go in and fully expect a positive outcome.

Have you been around the world? Do you honestly think your North American pseudo-problems make any difference what so ever?

Be here now. Be nice to yourself . And have a LOT OF FUN!