Lying........

[mycophile8835]

makes me so angry. It's the worst insult you can possibly give someone. When you lie to someone you're telling them silently that you think they're too weak to take the truth. It's inexcusable and i'm seriously pissed off that it's considered okay in society. Just because its commonly done doesn't mean its right. And for the people that claim they have to lie to protect people, save it. You're not helping the person. Just because the truth is not nice and complementary doesn't mean it shouldn't be spoken. As a matter of fact the fact that it is ugly and messy probably mean its way more important than the pretty truth. sorry i'm ranting but lying is wrong. Trust is the hardest thing to build and in one lie its all gone. Isn't that sad?

[JimOfferman]

I agree, but I think you are preaching to the choir here. Most here will agree that truth is better than a lie.

Not all lies are bad, though. I don't think the kids mind we don't tell them the truth about Santa until after they've reached a certain age.

[Angela]

Happy New Year, mycophile, and welcome to the forums! I hope you have a wonderful time here.

Maybe you've read me say this before: a complaint is a gift from the Universe, a valuable opportunity for you to have a breakthrough in living a life you love.

You are bothered enough by lying liars to create a thread about them. Are you fresh off of a particular encounter with a lying liar? Here's the million dollar question: What are you lying about? Who are you lying to, and what about? Were you dishonest, with another person or perhaps with yourself, in a recent relationship?

Take a look, and see what it is you are mirroring.

[cdn2wheeler]

I don't know, Angela, if mycophile is necessarily mirroring anything. Possible, certainly, but just as possible that mycophile got blind-sided by someone he trusted.

I've personally just recently - VERY recently - had to deal with someone who has continually lied and manipulated me for her own selfish aims and the hurt and anguish it caused was off the scale. What she was trying to hide, oddly, would have been less difficult to manage than the sum of her extra-curricular activities PLUS the avalanche of lies that went along with it.

(That's one of a number of reasons I've been off the boards for a while.)

If I had been told the truth, then I would have been able to make an informed decision about what to do next. But I was denied that because - silly me! - I actually believed that she was being honest. My intuition, my instinct, never hinted that anything was amiss until I quite accidentally discovered the truth.

The last chapter in that particular episode has yet to be written, but I'll be keeping that to myself.

What's the lesson? I don't know. Trust your instinct, your feelings, your intuition? Uh... no. Obviously not. When a woman says she cares about you and will be truthful, should you believe her? (Goes for men too, obviously.) Maybe... but then again, maybe not.

The exhortations, though, like, "What is it mirroring?" sound an awful lot like a finger-wagging, "What did you do to deserve it?" And, personally, I don't really see anything positive coming out of some well-meaning but misplaced guilt induction.

[Angela]

cdn (and mycophile): no, I'm not talking about guilt. I'm talking about seeing what you see, and noticing that whatever you are complaining about contains the seed of personal development for you.

Whether it's true or not that you're mirroring, I think it's very valuable to take a bold look at what is there in yourself, such that what you're complaining about shows up in your life. It has nothing to do with blame or shame or guilt; it has everything to do with taking 100% responsibility in your life, and I believe that is one of the most important things we can do in generating a life we love.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by mycophile8835

Trust is the hardest thing to build and in one lie its all gone. Isn't that sad?

I think that's the real problem. Trust isn't the hardest thing to build, at least not for me. Actually, trust is my default mode, and it's not even all gone in one lie. There are so many reasons why someone lies, most of which I can forgive. Maybe I'm saying that because I lie sometimes too

Still, maybe it would be worthwhile for you to examine why trust is such a difficult thing to build for you.

edit: oh, and welcome to the forum

[eblight]

Lying always indicates that someone is afraid and separate. Lying is a form of manipulation. It certainly does break down trust.

[Pegasus]

Lies fall along a continuum, everything from innocent white lies to big whoppers. I would be most concerned about the circumstances and the intent. My least favorite form of dishonesty is when someone purposely withholds information, claiming that they were being truthful.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by mycophile8835

makes me so angry. It's the worst insult you can possibly give someone. When you lie to someone you're telling them silently that you think they're too weak to take the truth.

People lie because the prospect of telling the truth in that situation is scary. I think it has more to do with their own insecurities than it does about their perception of the person to whom they are lying. It's hard not to take it personally when we are lied to, but rest assured they are only betraying their own faults, not necessarily trying to exploit yours.