why wont people open up and be intimate with me

[Rose of Cairo]

I don't know, since I haven't seen the secret or LoA sites. But I would recommend you read that book. It explains very well how focusing on what you don't want (shallow relationships) you get exactly these. You attract what you focus on, even if it's something you do not want. So if you're angry at your friends for being so shallow, you'll attract more of them.

To attract deep and meaningful friendships, the technique is to focus on that. Learn to see intimacy and deepness in every circumstance of your life. When someone says something to you, try to connect deeply with that person and give them a part of yourself as a gift. Try to understand how they think, to feel how they feel. Say hello to strangers on the street. Write about how you feel on a blog. Whatever.

And be happy about every wee bit of intimacy you get, instead of angry about what you do not get. See what I mean? But that's more of a LoA thing...

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

You can imagine how such a situation destroyed the huge PRIDE I had before all that That's what saved me, really. It forced me to change. I got in touch with my feelings: I had no choice, they just overwhelmed me. When I was walking on the streets, obese, depressive and ugly, and someone smiled at me, or a dog was friendly to me... I was so happy. I learned to talk to others with my heart. When you have nothing to lose, fear and pride are irrelevant. And that's how I began building intimate relationships

Wow, your story. You hated people so much that it drove you to have that meltdown. I think if i continue like this, in 10 years I'll have something like what you had. I would have probably gone insane.

I dont know what I'll do, but for now, I'll stop blaming people and forcing them to give what they cant give. That's how I'll change my view about society, I guess. I'll just stop complaining and resisting. Then I'll put my desires forth and let the universe give me what I want when it wants to. Do you think this would work?

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

And be happy about every wee bit of intimacy you get, instead of angry about what you do not get. See what I mean? But that's more of a LoA thing...

You know I cant belive I've watched and believed in the LoA, yet I failed to do that very simple thing. I have been focusing on the negative and I didnt even know it. I see what you mean.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

I'll just stop complaining and resisting. Then I'll put my desires forth and let the universe give me what I want when it wants to. Do you think this would work?

yes I do

It's already working btw, don't you think we're having a quite intimate conversation?

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

I have been focusing on the negative and I didnt even know it. I see what you mean.

that's great! I'm sooo happy to read that

Keep us posted!

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

It's already working btw, don't you think we're having a quite intimate conversation?

Yes. This is the best conversation I've had in a long time.

[responsibility]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

I was waiting for an answer like yours. Heh, good ol' you-create-it-all. Well, Angela, I've looked, I dont see it. Unless my subconscious was traumatized as an infant and forever cast people away. Actually I've been told this was the case by many of the psychics I've talked to. They all tell me to mediate and "go within." Well, I've tried that, and funny thing is, my subconscious doesnt want me to go "within." It's keeping me out! Can you believe this? Nothing I've tried has gotten my subconscious to open up to me. No one has been able to help. I'm my own worst enemy.

I dont understand this. How do you connect to your own innerself if it doesnt want you to? Yeah, I'm pretty sure of it now. My subconscious prevents me from entering elevated states of consciousness. So when I try to meditate, it blocks. Even my dreams are cut off and weak. I think it's protecting me from something that I'll see. So what's the result of all this? Fatigue from lack of a complete sleep, poor visualization and concentration skills from an inabiliy to reach those alpha brain states. The list just goes on and on. Weak intuitive and imaginative skills because my subconscious has turned off these parts of my brain. And for what.... protection from some horrible thing that happened to me when I was a baby? I'm my own worst enemy. It radiates a signal to everyone I come in contact with to stay away from me. This explains alot, about why the people in my life are this way, but what it doesnt explain is how to get my subconscious to open up again when it doesnt even want ME (the conscious mind) from contacting it.

The subconscious mind does not have opinions or beliefs, nor does it reason or argue, it's like a sheep. It can only obey and follow your conscious mind, Saying that your subconscious is controlling you is like saying that a sheep can control a shepherd. It doesn't happen (unless its a mutant alien sheep).

[sonicpunk32]

I'll control my sheep, responsibility. From this day onward.

[Kaprese408]

Hi Sonic,

Believe it or not, but i'm in your same shoes. I just recently connected a word to define how i see people...cyanical. I did not know i was that way and currently am trying to accept that most people are not so bad. I also am working on getting to know myself GREATLY. I have just started and have experienced a short set back, but am working on climbing back up.

I found a organization recently: CoDa (Codependents annoymous) that has really helped me see life differently. I'm learning a new way and it deals with my spirituality side. The only requirement to join is to have a desire for healthy and loving relationships. I'm not sure where you are located, but the organization is all over the United States. Can be easily googled.

Let me know what you think.

Kaprese

[sonicpunk32]

Kaprese408, I havent started getting to know myself, but I will. I'll have to reporgram myself to stop thinking people are bad. I dont really need to join a group right now, I'm not into those kinds of things.

[Brutha]

It seems to as if your intimite thoughts that you want to share are primarly negative thoughts.
You want people to ask why you had a bad day, instead of people asking you why you had a good day.

Have you tried to share postive deep thoughts with your friends?

[sonicpunk32]

Of course, Brutha. I was just using that as an example. Everything I have to share is mostly positive. It's just I was wanting to share personal revelations about my spiritual life that I found interesting, but my friends werent interested.

[teatree]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Yes, I do need a mate, very much so. I probably need to learn how to gossip and chit-chat too, cause all I've ever known how to do is talk about my deep thoughts, which nobody cared for. Well.. maybe not gossip, but other social talk like cars, news.

Why don't you focus your energies on dating instead? That way, you WILL eventually find a mate with whom you can share everything, but in the meantime you'll have plenty of interesting experiences and will have plenty of material to chat with friends about too. People love chatting about other people's dates! At least us women love discussing dates, but I think men chat about girls too.

With the deep thoughts stuff, perhaps start keeping a diary? That way you can ruminate about all sorts of things, and I find that writing helps clarify my thoughts.

You are right about learning to do the social chit-chat thing. It's the thing that makes society flow, it eases silences and awkwardness in the workplace and elsewhere, it's a means of being friendly with the world without too much seriousness. Practice chatting about something inocuous with people waiting at bus-stops or chat about the weather with someone at the supermarket till or something. It's the sort of small interaction that cheers everyone up. Pick a non-controvertial topic like talking about a movie or laughing at some celebrity's latest idiocy. Avoid politics and religion (the best place to discus those is on internet forums with others who are equally serious about those two topics).

Social chit-chat is the oil of society. It just eases the way the world works and is a very useful skill to have. I'd rather live in a society where people made friendly chit-chat everywhere than a society where everyone simply ignored everyone else.

[blinglover]

All it takes is 1 big success to reverse the wave of losses. Similarly, it takes 1 relationship to change the way you look at the world.

[Spartan]

Sounds to me like you're expecting too much from people. Why do you crave intimacy from your friends so much? Are you trying to compensate for a bad relationship with your parents? Perhaps you should try and become more intimate with the people who love you most and actually want to be intimate with you, i.e. your family.

Also, most people don't want to hear about someone's deepest desires, fears and life struggles - these kind of conversations are too emotionally draining. They just want someone to hang out and have fun with. Sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted, but from my experience this is the reality.

[Rockchick26]

wow,i dont even know where to start with this one. First of all,when i read the original post,i felt 'finally,someone else has the same craving i do'. Because i,too,am sick of people not willing to be close with me. I DO have close friendships,but theyre all with people online,not in person. Some people on here have said "well look at this forum,some of us are close" well of course,because its 1000 times easier to be close to someone online. Nowadays everyone is on myspace,everyone goes into chat rooms,forums,etc. and so,we lose people skills.
The one thing i dont have in common with you though is your lack of being able to connect to yourself. I have,in the last 3 years,connected more with myself than anyone i know. I've learned how to meditate and go inside,to interpret my dreams,and to awaken who i really am inside. And i am STILL having this problem of not finding people willing to be intimate. Well i should clarify that,i DO have close friendships like i said,but they're all online. My real life friends,when i try to talk about an important issue,they either change the subject or ridiule me for how i think. Most people are just too selfish to CARE. I care about them but its like they eat it up,and the more i ask about their lives,the more they go on and on about it without asking me about mine! Again,this is not everyone,this is just most of my real life friends. So the law of attraction i dont think fully works as far as what kind of friends you will attract,otherwise i wouldn't have some of both.
And to the person who said nobody wants to hear about why your day was bad...i dont get that,because who else are we supposed to vent to if we dont have friends who will listen? Thats what friends are for,to listen to the good and the bad. Its all a part of life and i think people are horrible if they turn a deaf ear to someone who is feeling lonely or depressed or angry. Thats why these kids end up taking a gun into a school or a mall and letting it all out because nobody listened to them. So bottom line is,i agree that most people are too selfish and unloving to make emotional connections with others,it isnt YOU,it's just a result of this shallow materialistic world,and most people dont know how to dig out from under that and find their true selves. I feel alone because i am not shallow and materialistic and selfish so you cant really fit in where you don't belong. Good luck to you!

[sonicpunk32]

I agree completely with what you said, Rockchick26. Well, almost. I think we're getting mixed results, because we have mixed beliefs. There we were thinking that we cant have intimate relationships, and we were getting nothing but shallow relationships. Now here we are thinknig that intimate relationships are only possible once in a while, or it's rare, cause we still have that belief in the back of our mind that the world is shallow and materialistic, as you've said.

Now I'm striving to shed myself of these beliefs to a shift that the world is caring and loving, period, no exceptions. It's hard for me to do, but I believe it can be done. I've been focusing too much on the bad all these years, and it's no surprise that what I've gotten is more of the bad. More situations where I'm ignored, more people that treat me like I'm nobody, more relationships that seem caring on the outside but lack that connection I'm looking for on the inside. I've been trapped into hating these situations. And that's why I kept getting more and more of them.

[Rose of Cairo]

Oh wow, sonicpunk, I love what you just said! I was wondering how you are doing, glad to see you're still around Stay with us!

Lots and lots of caring love to you

[The Cloud]

Yes, people almost universally put up a front. They do this because they are afraid, afraid that they will be thought weak or insensitive or whiny or annoying or any other of a plethora of negative things. My question to you is this; what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of being alone, of not being understood? Or are you just angry because they aren't responsive to your emotions? Ah, but anger and fear are just 2 sides of the same coin, anger simply being a response to that which makes you afraid. And if you are afraid, how is it that you can fault them for being afraid as well? Perhaps, instead of worrying about everybody else being afraid to be themselves, perhaps you should worry about your own fear first. You can yell at the world, but as you said, it will fall on deaf ears. But just whisper to yourself, and you know that you will be heard.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Oh wow, sonicpunk, I love what you just said! I was wondering how you are doing, glad to see you're still around Stay with us!

Lots and lots of caring love to you

You remember me? Wow, I thought I'd be forgotten by now. Thanks for wondering about me.

The Cloud: I'm actually afraid of all that. I'm insecure with myself and confused. And I dont want people to find out that I'm confused, but I know they can easily see it, so It's a cycle.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

You remember me?

Of course I remember you, what a question.

I can relate to your fear very well, I had that when I started socializing too. What helped me was to openly say how I felt. Like "I'm totally scared of talking to you know, and I'm not sure how to do that. I'm so confused" Turned out that they didn't bite me And I got more and more confident.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Of course I remember you, what a question.

It's a fear based question.

[Rose of Cairo]

so true, so true...!

But I'm not worried about you. You're obviously intelligent, and on your best way to a life without fear

Hang in there. You're not alone.

Much love and tenderness to you