Can you talk with the same clarity that you write with?

[PokerEnthusiast]

I can't - not yet at least. But I would like to.... if it is even possible.

When I'm having a conversation with someone (it doesn't matter who it is) I can never seem to think of what to say before it's too late. When someone says something to me or asks me about something I feel pressured because they are waiting for me to reply but I haven't had the time to think of how to respond. In situations like these I usually just end up responding with short/one-word answers. I hate this because it makes me feel like I'm stupid and some people won't feel like talking to me anymore. They think that I'm either stuck up and don't feel like talking to them, or that I'm just not an interesting person to talk to.

With writing it is different. If you don't like what you said you can go back and edit it. You don't have somebody standing in front of you or on the other end of the phone waiting for you to respond. You have all the time in the world to express yourself to people in the best possible way. btw, its taken me 20 minutes to write this so far - and I'm a fast typer . But at least I know that everything that I wanted to say is here and I said it the way I wanted to say it. Now, if was were talking to you about this instead of writing it I wouldn't have been able to say half the things I said here and the stuff I managed to say most likely wouldn't have came out with the same clarity as in my writing.

To the people that reply to this thread: After you write your post; read it and then tell me if you could have given me the same answer with the same degree of clarity had I asked you about this in a real conversation.

If your answer is yes.... I would really like your help. How do you do it? How do you immediately think of what to say and put it into clear and concise words?

[Parthon]

Answer? Stop thinking.

Counter intuitive hey?

Most of my answers come from being interested and listening, really listening. It took practice to stop thinking and get the answers right all the time. I still sometimes have to pause just to phrase something the right way, but it's getting less and less often. When you have to think about what to say, you are actually filtering the content of your speech through your opinions and thoughts, which pollutes it greatly with lots of garbage that doesn't need to be said.

I've found that it's better impact to say what needs to be said without all the guff of making sure it's the right thing to be said. You come across to people as more honest and forthright, and you become a really good conversationalist. The only downside is that you will have a really good conversation with someone and not remember a word about it because you weren't thinking the whole time. The upside, you will remember the important bits and leave a lasting impact on the other person. Your conversations will also revolve around causing things to happen rather than just talking about stuff.

Once you stop thinking while talking, you become a natural talker. From then it's just like your mind trains itself, while silent, to be better at talking without thinking. What you really want to say comes out instead, and it's far better than the thought created garbage from before. You will however have to stop bending the truth(ieg: lying), as that is purely thought and has no place in honest communication.

There may be some awkward time when you put your foot in your mouth, but actually, you are training yourself to do this less often. In fact, less thinking about what I'm saying means I do this less than before.

The only way to train yourself in not thinking is to listen intently to what the other person is saying. Try and listen also, not just to their words, but also their meaning and intent behind them. There are so many hidden secrets in the way people communicate that are missed when we are busy thinking about what to say, and it's almost like finding gold when you can honestly listen to someone and have a real conversation. Thought conversations aren't real, and after you have the first real connecting talk with someone, you won't want to go back.

So Poker, does this help?

ps. This post took me 9 minutes to write. I only corrected mistakes.

[Terumoto]

Originally Posted by PokerEnthusiast

I can't - not yet at least. But I would like to.... if it is even possible.

When I'm having a conversation with someone (it doesn't matter who it is) I can never seem to think of what to say before it's too late. When someone says something to me or asks me about something I feel pressured because they are waiting for me to reply but I haven't had the time to think of how to respond. In situations like these I usually just end up responding with short/one-word answers. I hate this because it makes me feel like I'm stupid and some people won't feel like talking to me anymore. They think that I'm either stuck up and don't feel like talking to them, or that I'm just not an interesting person to talk to.

With writing it is different. If you don't like what you said you can go back and edit it. You don't have somebody standing in front of you or on the other end of the phone waiting for you to respond. You have all the time in the world to express yourself to people in the best possible way. btw, its taken me 20 minutes to write this so far - and I'm a fast typer . But at least I know that everything that I wanted to say is here and I said it the way I wanted to say it. Now, if was were talking to you about this instead of writing it I wouldn't have been able to say half the things I said here and the stuff I managed to say most likely wouldn't have came out with the same clarity as in my writing.

To the people that reply to this thread: After you write your post; read it and then tell me if you could have given me the same answer with the same degree of clarity had I asked you about this in a real conversation.

If your answer is yes.... I would really like your help. How do you do it? How do you immediately think of what to say and put it into clear and concise words?

I definitely do not.

When I write, my words carry the most unnatural tone for speech. My attempts at communication by speaking are indirect, ineffective, and clumsy at best.

I don't really mind it though. I like sounding like an idiot.

[Rose of Cairo]

I can't.

The reason for me is not too much thinking, it's too much feeling. when I talk with someone, there are sooo many informations and impressions overwhelming me! I can't process them and talk at the same time, so I stutter or get really awkward, like closing my eyes and stopping in the middle of a word for ten seconds till the storm has calmed down.

I almost never make corrections to what I write, but am able to express myself better. When I write I'm alone, no impressions overwhelm me, so I can just let the words flow out of me. That's like switching modes. I love the writing mode

For sure some people think I'm a complete idiot after talking to me. That's funny.

[Honeywith4bees]

I can convey my feelings and relay information better when writing but only if I can get in "the flow". (BTW ~ right now, as I write this, since I am at work, I am not in "the flow".) But when for example, I am writing in my journal I can be so clear and expressive that when I go back to read something later, I often surprise myself!

As far as talking goes, it usually depends on who I am talking too. Whenever I speak to my Father, I get absolutely tongue tied. I forget words, go blank, even stutter!! I am 38 years old and still feel like a little kid around him! And the same goes for other older, men who are in authoritative positions

Sorry I have nothing to offer for advice, I can only commiserate!

Good luck!

[Lola]

I commiserate as well, PokerEnthusiast. That witty comeback always pops into my head an hour, day or week later!

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

The reason for me is not too much thinking, it's too much feeling. when I talk with someone, there are sooo many informations and impressions overwhelming me! I can't process them and talk at the same time, so I stutter or get really awkward, like closing my eyes and stopping in the middle of a word for ten seconds till the storm has calmed down.

I think that's what's going on with me, too, Rose. I'm bombarded with so much input it's hard to process it all at once. It's not just trying to listen to and process the words someone is saying, it's their energy as well, besides whatever else may be going on at the time - other conversations, distractions. It IS overwhelming.

[munish]

Originally Posted by PokerEnthusiast

I can't - not yet at least. But I would like to.... if it is even possible.

When I'm having a conversation with someone (it doesn't matter who it is) I can never seem to think of what to say before it's too late. When someone says something to me or asks me about something I feel pressured because they are waiting for me to reply but I haven't had the time to think of how to respond. In situations like these I usually just end up responding with short/one-word answers. I hate this because it makes me feel like I'm stupid and some people won't feel like talking to me anymore. They think that I'm either stuck up and don't feel like talking to them, or that I'm just not an interesting person to talk to.

Join Toastmasters International.

Originally Posted by PokerEnthusiast

With writing it is different. If you don't like what you said you can go back and edit it. You don't have somebody standing in front of you or on the other end of the phone waiting for you to respond. You have all the time in the world to express yourself to people in the best possible way. btw, its taken me 20 minutes to write this so far - and I'm a fast typer . But at least I know that everything that I wanted to say is here and I said it the way I wanted to say it. Now, if was were talking to you about this instead of writing it I wouldn't have been able to say half the things I said here and the stuff I managed to say most likely wouldn't have came out with the same clarity as in my writing.

To the people that reply to this thread: After you write your post; read it and then tell me if you could have given me the same answer with the same degree of clarity had I asked you about this in a real conversation.

If your answer is yes.... I would really like your help. How do you do it? How do you immediately think of what to say and put it into clear and concise words?

Yes,Do impromptu speaking at Toastmasters International.

Find a Club - Toastmasters International

[ladybug]

To the people that reply to this thread: After you write your post; read it and then tell me if you could have given me the same answer with the same degree of clarity had I asked you about this in a real conversation.

If your answer is yes.... I would really like your help. How do you do it? How do you immediately think of what to say and put it into clear and concise words?

PokerEnthusiast,

This is my first post on this forum, but I wanted to reply to this thread because I run into this a lot with myself.

It does depend on who I'm talking with most of the time, but I agree with Parthon in that the more I am calm and listen to the other person, the better I am to say exactly what is on my mind without getting tongue tied. I think the key word here is calm because when you are calm you can focus on what someone else is saying. In turn then have your conversion flow with ease.

I however, some of the time, write very differently than I speak, especially if my words are coming from the heart with feeling, emotion. I can write a several paragraphed message to a dear friend in under twenty minutes and make very few corrections to the actual dialog. Thank God for spell check though. The words just seem to flow out with ease and I am often impressed by the outcome, like someone else has written it. I also think a bit of self confidence in your speech or writing is key to getting your point accross with clarity without it seeming arrogant in any way. The same when you are face to face with someone. Sitting or standing up straight and with your head held high can make all the difference.

I hope that helped a bit.

[JimOfferman]

I'd have to say it's reversed for me: I can speak with more clarity because then I can use fewer words and rely more non-verbal communication.

Speaking is just so much more precise. Tone, infliction, speed, to name a few factors. In speech, I can make you understand when something is urgent, without ever using the word urgent. The same feat is considerably harder in written language.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by munish

Join Toastmasters International.


Yes,Do impromptu speaking at Toastmasters International.

Find a Club - Toastmasters International

I think he wants you to join Toastmasters.