Why it does not pay to be Shy

[Bliss Sage]

Ah, here you are, good morning .

Originally Posted by Angela

Bliss Sage, I think I understand what you want -- to write here in the forums as a way of working out your thoughts in writing, to share with others, to be part of the community, and not to get advice unless you request it. Am I understanding you correctly?

Yes, I think so. I think if I have an issue I need or want advice about, I'll start a thread on it. Otherwise, to me, the threads are for other people to work out their issues or discuss their issues, even if it seems often that mine or others' issues get taken up.

Originally Posted by Angela

Again, just to be clear, at no time did I say "you are wrong, you should do or think x, it's your fault." (I'm not a believer in fault, shame, or blame at all, no how.) For some reason, you hear me saying that even when I specifically say otherwise. (must be the law of attraction -- you get what you focus on! )

I think I got this misunderstanding cleared up with Jim and Yossarian. You'd have a lot of reading to do to find it, but to summarize, I understood that you were saying and he was saying I was responsible and it was my fault that my brother etc. always gets angry at me, that I am difficult to live with and for how people treat me. When that came to light, Jim told me it is responsibility for my own happiness and not for my brother's or anyone else's behavior. It's very different than what I thought.

One step that improves my life extremely is getting and staying away from family people.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Bliss Sage

One step that improves my life extremely is getting and staying away from family people.

You mean your immediate blood family, right? Cuz we're your family, too. (I guess that would make me your annoying bossy sister ).

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Angela

You mean your immediate blood family, right? Cuz we're your family, too. (I guess that would make me your annoying bossy sister ).

Ah, so this is what it's like to have a sister .

I always thought I was really adopted anyway .

[RichGrad]

Originally Posted by Bliss Sage

Ah, so this is what it's like to have a sister .

I always thought I was really adopted anyway .

OT... Have you read the book called sperm wars? Very interesting.. apparently 10% of the population are not fathered by the man of the family.

[NubianPrincess718]

Originally Posted by Angela

As we've talked about before in other threads, there's a world of difference between reacting and responding. When a person is shy, she's in reactive mode; that is, she isn't free to choose a conscious response, because the habitual reaction takes over before she ever gets to make a choice. Remaining quiet, letting the other person do most of the talking, not saying what's really on your mind, editing what you say before you say it.... those are the reactions, or habitual ways of being, of a shy person.

I wasn't quite accurate earlier when I said that "you're completely at the effect of other people." What I should have said is: you're completely at the effect of the habitual thoughts that get triggered by other people. 100% of the responsibility for your way of being is yours. So, to say, "I can't be free around some personality types" or "some people make me really nervous or self-conscious" is really just a mask for "my habitual thought or way of being is activated." Your lack of freedom, or your nervousness or self-consciousness, has absolutely nothing to do with the other person or his personality type; it has everything to do with your way of being.

That may sound really scary or confronting, but what it can mean is that the power to be free is entirely, 100% in your hands. That is like having a superpower, isn't it? Being free, as a matter of choice and being the cause, isn't that infinitely more inspiring than having your freedom lay in the actions or thoughts of other people?

I never read past this post and Angela u hit the nail on the head and also made me understand what was happening to me! By the way I am shy too, but I actually like being shy. Its just the excessive shyness that kills me sometimes, but ITA with your post. Great RESPONSE!

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Spiritual

You talk about the common "what if's", but to be honest I almost never have these moments. Also you are making the assumption (like 99% of humanity does) that you know what would have been best, or what would probably have happened.

I agree with you -- it's hard to tell what is optimal, and who's to say there's an "optimal" anyway? -- but whenever you're at one of those crossroad junctions, it's always more satisfying to go after what you wanted, even if it doesn't work out. You may be a little disappointed if it isn't what you expected, but you can proceed knowing that you went after your desires, which builds self-trust (a powerful thing, in my opinion).

Whenever I'm at one of those crossroads, if I'm honest with myself, I clearly know what I want to do, but my resistance or doubt is holding me back. Often the logic behind the resistance is warranted, but it's the resistance itself that shouldn't be present. Come into alignment with the decisions you make, or make other decisions.

Living any other way will only cause suffering, which, while often educational, is never pleasant. The bitterness of suffering does make the good experiences that much sweeter, though.