A joke at my expense

[caesar8181]

I will do my best to explain this problem as it has me really stumped how I can fix this.

I am starting to notice some people making small jokes at my expense for the amusement of others, nothing huge just little comments now and then when others are around. These little jokes are over nothing in particular, it just feels like I have become an easy target recently and I’m not quite sure how this has happened.
This is not just a work related problem this is starting to happen in my living arrangement also.
I’m a pretty relaxed easy going person in appearance perhaps this may be a contributing factor.

Perhaps the problem has always been there but I am really only starting to pick up on this now.

What could it be with my personality that gives people the impression that I am an easy target? Now none of you know me or could make a judgement on my personality, but has anyone had a similar problem? Perhaps some advice on how to respond to this.
It’s not like I can isolate myself from these people as I work very closely with many of them.

In my opinion not to be taken seriously is a huge annoyance.

[4Mind4Life]

It may have something to do with your personality or how you respond to others. I suggest the following:

A) Be strong and let the people know that you will not tolerate their jokes

B) Joke around back at them OR with them (in an unaggressive way)

Do not avoid the jokes, just be willing to take a stand for yourself so that the jokes stop.

[Spiritual]

The very relaxed and easygoing attitude you have can contribute indeed. People rather see you as a friendly guy then the professional.

Now I must tell you I'm the same, Im also very relaxed, calmed down and easygoing. But I have my boundaries, and I think you should put them up for yourself aswell.

People tease me quite regularly as well, and I do it back with friends and people I like aswell. I also make a lot of fun of myself, because I am confident enough to do so, and I don't like hurting others through such "jokes".

But the fact that I make fun of myself doesn't mean others can do the same! I have my personal boundaries to which people can go, they can kid around with me, but when they crossed the line I tell them or show them some other way. Also I'm quite witty and I can take my discussions and "joke fights" quite well.

So it depends on you, what your humor is like. If you have the capability of putting others straight with returning their jokes, do it. But don't make it something negative, that's not the way to go. You can return the joke and still keep a big smile. The other will feel what you mean, but they won't be able to say you are dissing them.

If you are not that witty, don't try to solve it this way, will cause you a lot frustration. Instead try to show it with your body language, when someone jokes at your cost just look them firmly in the eyes so they know it's enough.
Or when they joke, just stay complete neutral and in your power, what they are saying has NOTHING to do with you. They are projecting and you shouldn't care less. They are a mere annoyance, so don't give any reponse to it, just look at them saying nothing. Don't fall in the trap of just looking at your screen or whatever, since that shows weakness in my opinion.

And my last solution would be to just tell them up straight "I don't appreciate what you are doing right now". This verbal solution is ofcourse the most clear way, but it can also cause some frustration and tension between you and the co-workers.

Try to find a way that is congruent with yourself, but which shows your power and that you don't appreciate what they are doing. People often avoid telling others that they don't like a certain thing, but that is not needed. Ofcourse you have to weigh for yourself whether it's worth to say something. But if you really get annoyed and feeling disrespected by something, make it clear to the other!

Good luck!

[PokerEnthusiast]

Hey caesar,

at my summer/part-time job I work with a guy who is exactly how you described yourself as - an easy target that a lot of people at work make jokes about and poke fun at. The reason why he was such an easy target was because he was the type of person that everyone felt comfortable around. He always looked friendly, good natured, easy going, approachable, and non-threatening. Everyone liked this guy for who he was because he had a very warm personality and when you were around him you just felt like you could be yourself because you knew that he wasn't going to judge you or make you feel inferior in any way. So I guess this is why people like this are always the easy targets............................. But in a case like this; is that such a bad thing? I mean; sure, the guy was an easy to pick on, but everyone liked him and he had a lot of friends. The people that hardly ever get picked on are people who don't look approachable and people that others have a hard time feeling comfortable and being themselves around. I am kinda like the type of person I just described but I think that if I were the opposite, like the guy at my work, I would be happier and enjoy life more. People like him who have the same friendly/approachable personality are the people who are able to make friends easily. They never seem to be left out because people enjoy their company.

You didn't really explain too much about your social life so I don't know if this relates to your life or not. But what I'm trying to get at is that it may seem annoying when you are the person that everyone likes to joke about, but most of the time people are doing it, not because they think they are better than you, but because they really like you and you make them feel comfortable. They probably aren't being serious with the things they say about you so you shouldn't take it seriously either. Overall, just learn to laugh along with them and poke fun back at them.

I hope that helps.

[rrandolph]

The response here have some really good advice. I look at situations like these as chances to grow. The universe will keep sending us certain people or situations until we learn the lessons involved. What is this situation telling you?

With people that make jokes, I look at the underlying energy. Is it playful and fun like a friend, or is it a subtle putdown and slightly disrespectful. If it's the first, then I just shoot a few jokes back their way. If it's the second I call them out on it and don't accept it, though I rarely encounter this anymore now that I am more playful myself.

[Amadeus]

Ok, here is what you do. Just ignore it. Don't participate in it at all. Don't get mad, just be indifferent to the comments. The other people who would otherwise participate in the joking would start reading YOUR lack of participation. Eventually the fire will run out on the instigator.
A lot of times what happens in this situation, is that you try to be a good sport and participate in your own ackwardness. Don't. Just ignore it and they will stop poking fun of you.

[Sam988]

caesar, just follow Amadeus advice, really. That's exactly what i was going to tell you to do.

I also had this problem in the past, people would joke at my expense sometimes and i would laugh too, or just "contribute" and try to make the joke even funnier because i thought that was displaying "cool" attitude.


Now when someone does a joke about me and i don't like it, i do as Amadeus said; i either ignore it, or i respond seriously to it as if it was not funny at all and as if i didn't even know that was supposed to be a joke. And some other times my reaction will be just and uninterested and bored "shut up", displaying an attitude of "whatever, man...", followed by me changing the subject or looking around as if i barely heard his "joke".

These attitudes will probably help you.




But there are times when there is this guy, the leader of the group, which is the one making the joke at your expense, and even if you don't give a damn, he won't give a damn about you not giving a damn, because everybody else laughs at his joke. And he will keep on joking at your expense. In these kinds of situations, i suppose the only thing to do is push him to a corner and explain that you do not like when he jokes about you. If after that he doesn't stop, you may have sgo to a physical fight with him in front of everyone else, so they realize that it is not ok to joke at someone's expense when the person being joked at doesn't want it.

[caesar8181]

Thanks people I do appreciate your responses on this, you have given me something to think about.

[Ree]

Caeser, i'm coming in a little late on this thread, but I may have something that will help you. I tried this and it worked like a charm: The next time someone does this to you, look that person straight in the eyes and calmly say, "I can't believe you just said that!" Then just as calmly continue to look straight at the person.

It will make the individual extremely uncomfortable and that person and everyone in the immediate area will get the message loud and clear.

Good luck!

Ree

[Flash1988]

I've not read all of the replies but

You teach people how to treat you.

A dude used to pick me up and swing me around in highschool. It was embarrassing forme, he did it several times. I just ended up punching him once in the face. He was embarrassed and said "that was feeble" and walked off. He didn't do it again. I don't like fighting. I did feel great about myself after because I'd set a boundary.

You have to show your boundaries right off the bat. The first time something happens. It's harder after because it's happened for so long it becomes normal.

For the jokes, just dish it back to them as hard as they do it to you. Use common sense and judgment. So if he's a crazy drug dealer, be careful.

This is why it's so funny if a guy who never swears tells a bully to '**** off' and says it loud so everyone can hear it. It's unexpected. Maybe not wise but certainly lowers his percieved value.

GL

[eali]

I have the same problem, I'm easy going and friendly, but I feel I'm an easy target for jokes. I also get very annoyed about it and I feel powerless to change or respond. It's like I just want punch the guy right in the face, and beat him to the ground!

Damn, it irritates me that I also tend to act silly and stumble on talking in their presence (maybe because I'm not relaxed), that I end up becoming more of a target.

I hate also that I FEEL like I'm singled out, as if people respect each other and just pick on me.

Now, since only a few people mainly make fun of me, I sometimes rationalize that it must a flaw in their character, and that I should let go, but I just CAN'T! This is very annoying to me!

Or I could just ignore them, but that's not a solution, IMO. Also, the "moves" (for lack of a better term) seem subtle enough that I can't just blow up. And I feel if I respond firmly, that people will pick one me more, just to irritate me. I don't know what to do. Very frustrating...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by caesar8181

In my opinion not to be taken seriously is a huge annoyance.

That's probably why it's happening!

In comedy, the big laugh comes when the guy who takes himself seriously and is hugely annoyed when others don't -- gets a pie in the face. Same thing in life!

[JimOfferman]

Whenever someone makes a joke at my expensive (hard to imagine, I know, but it does happen), I always opt for either defensive strategy A or B!

Defensive Strategy A
Offense is the best defense! Whenever someone makes a joke at your expense, make a joke at their expense. Don't worry if your sense of wit is better than theirs or not, they'll either admire your for playing along or stop making jokes at your expense for a looooooong time when you've finally beat them at their own game. Ha!

Defensive Strategy B
Be the maker of the best jokes at your expense. This one's even easier. I'm sure that by now you've heard every bad joke that one can make about you and you know them all by heart. All you need here is the cream of the crop. Maybe even improve a little. Next time someone cracks a lame joke at you, take the wind out of their sales by coming back with a better joke about you. Mu Ha Ha!

'Nuff said!

And now stop laughing already!