caring to much about what others think of my in regards to relationships

[coLLege kid07]

Currently I find myself caring too much about what others think in regards to being friends with with people considered to be somewhat "uncool". How would I reframe this thought so it doesn't effect me anymore?

Any suggestions/thoughts?



sorry for the huge typo in the title =)

[charlottecharade]

Well one question to ask yourself would be, is being successful in the eyes of others synonymous with your personal success? Ultimately it bubbles down to the point of who would you rather please, others or yourself.

Would you rather "feel" cool (personally) or "be" cool (in the eyes of others).

[coLLege kid07]

That makes alot of sense. I just realized that I'm been doing this for a long time and now better understand why I do some of the things I do.

So if I were to replace this thought would I say......I would rather please myself than please others to be successful?

[Ak47]

I've struggled with this some myself. I'm no genius, but i can be clever from time to time, and believe it or not... i used to pretend to be more of a fool than i am to make friends (in high school).

and.. it worked! magnificently. when i moved away from my hometown i deleted 130 phone numbers out of my phone (long story as to why i didn't want to contact them anymore).

now, i've spent a lot of time alone and have been finding myself. i'm very much who and what i want to be. other people don't tend to like this, and i do have trouble making friends now that i am that way.

i wouldn't trade it though. every day my ability to think for myself, etc expands and leaves me all the more capable in the long run... while everyone else is busy talking on their cell phone or listening to their ipod i just sit around and think; and i love it.

also, depending on your college, as i am in college too...

it's likely you can be yourself and find people who like you for who you really are. those are the best friends you could ever ask for (i have a few of them myself). it makes you feel much better about yourself as well. but beware, it takes time and effort to find those people- actually i have a lot of difficulty finding them. BUT, i'm a very 'strange' fellow to many. maybe you are fortunate enough not to be.

btw, the 'uncool' kids are just as cool as the cool kids, imo. cliche means nothing. what's cool now will be lame in 10 years, or maybe even 6 months.