Psychological effect of too many children

[Bliss Sage]

I recently have been involved with a guy who is child #8 out of 11 children. I have also spoken with his brother, child #3. I have often wondered about the psychological repercussions that having too many children has on the children. Does anyone know? Has there been any studies done on this?

I asked child #3 in this family if he didn't feel like a number and he answered yes. I said to him that it must hurt the children to have so many, to take your love and divide it by 11 - what love is there left then? Does it become like breeding cattle? You just make sure they all eat, drink and stay alive? (And, if so, to what end?) Child #3 agreed with me. Child # 8 has cut himself with razors and completely alienated himself from all people, starting with and not the least of which, the other 12 members of his family. Moreover, I also wonder if the children born first are psychologically better off than the ones born later...or does the individual's personality play a greater role in how well the children fare?

I only have one brother, I'm shy and quiet and I'm shy or too polite about taking food at dinner and I eat really slowly (apparently). I went to my friend's (child #8) family's for dinner and I realize if I had been born to a family with so many, I would have died of starvation at a young age. I can imagine, grabbing enough food is the least of your problems when you are only one child among 11 on the "map" of your mother's "woman's intuition".

If anyone has had the experience of being part of a family atmosphere like this, I'm curious to know what it could be like.

[cdn2wheeler]

You might try looking at the following links:
How Birth Order affects Children's behavior & personality
Birth order and love
Birth Order

[seeker5]

All the problems you listed about having so many kids - I've seen them with family that only have 1 or 2 kids. Kids can feel loved and unloved, no matter the size of the family. It depends on the parents doing the raising.

I've also seen big family where people are doing well. For example, I know of a self-made billionaire who was the 11th of 11 children raised in a poor family. Benjamin Franklin was the 10th of 10 kids too.

[ChangeYourTree]

Birth order doesn't affect children's behavior. It's the way parents interact with children because of their birth order.

And yes, it does have huge effects if not managed properly.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by ChangeYourTree

Birth order doesn't affect children's behavior.

I've heard that birth order in some ways affect the personality of a child. First born tend to be more bossy, middle born tend to aim to please people and last born tend to want to change the world. Not sure how that would apply to a big family though.

[ixmatus]

I come from a family of five (two siblings), and that motif you just described Seeker5 sounds exactly like the pecking order my siblings and I once had when we were younger.

I was the bossy one.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by ixmatus

I was the bossy one.

I'm the first born of two kids...and I'm the bossy one too.

[carenkh]

My mother is one of 15 (!) siblings, and all of the kids knew they were loved and cherished. My grandmother was an amazing woman - my grandfather was mostly gone (he was a hunter & trapper), so she relied on the older kids to take care of the younger. Despite being raised in extreme poverty, no one was ever made to feel there wasn't enough (love or food) for each. It does depend on the parents, not the number of kids.

[Jennihul]

People who feel that ANYTHING outside of them has limited them in anyway, have dysfunctions that they alone own.

If you think your problems come from the world around you, you are your own worst problem. No matter what the situation.

Jennifer

[lifequest]

On my father's side, they were 10 children. All my uncles and aunts are sane people, who grew up loved even though they lived in rough times (1940's and 1950's in the country). Plus, their mother died from a liver infection not long after the last child was born, so times were really rough.

Nobody turned out f**ked up in my family. Yes some are weird and have problems, but not more than any other family. They all care for one another, and look out for each other. I think the key here is how the parents love the childen that makes the difference. I have 2 sisters, and I have always felt that my parents loved us all equally, and they have said to us many times that you can't love one of your child more than the other, and I believe them. Love is an endless ressource when it comes to children, so they've told me. Parents that love a child more than another have issues as far as I'm concerned.

[ixmatus]

The larger the family, usually, the healthier the psychology, I would think. Big families are more like clans, where the bonding nature of 'family' exists but it is also big enough to provide a diverse number of siblings to interact with...

I'm glad I am the bossy one, because both my sisters really know how to stand up for themselves now that they are growing up (19 and 17 respectively).

[ChangeYourTree]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I've heard that birth order in some ways affect the personality of a child. First born tend to be more bossy, middle born tend to aim to please people and last born tend to want to change the world. Not sure how that would apply to a big family though.

You didn't read my entire post.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by ChangeYourTree

You didn't read my entire post.

[exotika]

Im the only child and growing up I wish I had siblings. I am now a mother to 5. My husband is the youngest of 6. Our oldest is 9 and he is the m ost kindest, empathetic, sweetest child I know ( the school staff also says that as well as others ) My second oldest is a girl age 7 and well she wont take anything from anybody, she isnt rude or anything and though thoughtful she isnt foolish. My third who is 5 is the clown..mr cutesy wootsy. My fourth who is 3 well he is my daredevil and is very quite. the baby who is 1 is very independent ( capricorn child) she doesnt seem to need much parenting, its weird she seems to know. As for them as a group they work well together, they share and always think of one another. Im not saying it is all smooth but If I had a choice I would never change iot for the world.

[Grophrane]

The very idea of breeding like crazy to get kids, is an obvious flaw that shows the insanity of the parents. Wether these parents had one or eleven children wouldn't matter all that much. There would be differences because the children would influence eachother and reinforce the insanity that their parents have given to them. What madness it is to create so many children into the world. When it is overpopulated. And also, when you yourself is not capable of loving them. It seems they are just a thing, they are just a reassurance that when the mother and father grows old. They have help and they also have family expansion. So their blood line won't die. This is the basic psychological phenomena behind the reason for just keeping on breeding. The children get the effect that they are valueless possesions, one in a million. They never attain to individuality, because they get severely punished for going against the flock. Like the sheep that runs loose. Certainly i can see insanity being passed down from parents to children. Looking at my own blood-brothers, as the first child. I look at the second, he is quite crazy, has taken drugs etc. Then there's 2 twins. The youngest twin is absolutely mad. He must have been sensitive to receive so much madness. They are only 9, but they are absolutely mad. You might find much saner people in the mad asylum. The most sane person besides myself, seems to be the eldest twin which has ADHD. What kind of unhearty parents can pass down all their sicknesses to their children. They are dominating them, like they were cattle.
Now i am aware this is not the case with all. But the psychological dangers behind being a child of a parent with no awareness and no brains himself. Just pseudo intelligent persons. Gathered knowledge, which is acually also called intellect. Intelligence is your own brain. Intellect is created by schools and books and knowledge. They know nothing. They are just passing down beliefs to their children, how to behave, what god to believe in, what kind of social opinion he should have... The parents like that, are trying to deceive the children to make them carbon copies. They appear to allow you Freedom but really it's not freedom. It's just an advanced form of domination. Just like auto hypnotic suggestions, slowly what the parents are screaming and shouting about gets planted into the child. And his life is ruined.

Certainly something is wrong.