Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

RUNE · 11-26-2007, 04:51 PM

i have just begun dating and i'm in my late 20's. i was married already and it didn't last long, from that i have a son. i am just about over my ex. i gave myself 2 yrs before giving anyone attention. i am learning about myself and learing about my insecurities. i have learned that i lack social skill which i am trying to improve by reading more, going out more and interacting etc. i also have major issues with opening up to anyone. i have yet to meet someone i can completly disclose personal, private issues to without my heart racing. i totally hate direct attention, i freeze and feel as though everyone can see right through me. in a nut shell, i would like to become comfortable with myself in ALL aspects. i would like to accomplish this sooner than later. That's how i came about this website. i googled improve social skills. any tips, refrences or similiar stories would be appreciated

JimOfferman · 11-26-2007, 05:22 PM

Hey RUNE!

First of all: welcome to the forum! We're all students and teachers here, so welcome to the group!

I think you have already made great strides by coming here and posting a list of issues that concern you. A good next step would be to start investigating where these issues stem from. Try to find out why you are insecure about certain aspects of you... is it repressed fear? bad memories? inexperience? Once you have identified the root of each issue, overcoming it may be a lot of hard work or it may be as easy as laughing it off ("silly me, still worried about THAT after all these years"). At any case, start at the source and work your way up!

If you need help finding the source of things, there's plenty of folk here who can help you with that

Good luck!
Jim.

RUNE · 11-27-2007, 01:04 AM

Hi Jim. thanks for the encouragement. I have identified a source. i'm not sure if it's the main one, if there are any more etc, but i realize that as a child growing up, my parents weren't really interested in what i had to say. Rather than being heard, i was only seen and told what was the "right" thing to do. having a child now i have come to realize that the reason i used to go from not saying a word to shouting to the top of my lungs is because that is the only way i was listened to. Even today, my parents display no confidence in me what so ever. they even ask me questions and in the middle of my answer, would walk away as if i'm some sort of deliquent. because of that, i tend not to rely on anyone, so there is the "not being able to open" up issue. I think due to this, i have a lack of experience interacting and so when i'm actually being listened to, i fumble and get nervous and it's much easier to stay quiet. I HATE THAT ABOUT ME. i never like to sound like anyone else. but reading my post, i realize i sound like most people, who want to blame it on someone. the truth, in my parents era, the focus was different from what it is today and i can give my son the attention he deserves rather than having to worry about if we will have enough food next month. i am taking the necessary steps to improve myself and i plan on overcoming this eventually. i'm sure my son will blame me for something he is lacking in his life in years to come

JimOfferman · 11-27-2007, 05:03 AM

Good! Great, actually!

Now, do you think you can forgive your parents for who they are and realize that their faults are not yours? Next time when you get the urge to shout at the top of your lungs, count to ten in your head to cool off a little and then speak the words you were going to say at a normal volume. You'll find that the majority of people does listen when spoken to. When you have to deal with your parents again, keep that same low tone in your voice. If they won't listen to you when you speak normally or if they cannot be bothered to hear everything you say, then that is their loss. If they are unwilling to listen to what their great magnificent person that is their child has to say, then they are the ones who are missing out on all of your gifts. Hard not to feel sorry for them, innit?

Just speak to the people who will listen for now and allow your parents to come around and see their mistake in their own good time.

hope this helps,
Jim.

11-26-2007, 04:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
RUNE Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2	Just getting my feet wet. i have just begun dating and i'm in my late 20's. i was married already and it didn't last long, from that i have a son. i am just about over my ex. i gave myself 2 yrs before giving anyone attention. i am learning about myself and learing about my insecurities. i have learned that i lack social skill which i am trying to improve by reading more, going out more and interacting etc. i also have major issues with opening up to anyone. i have yet to meet someone i can completly disclose personal, private issues to without my heart racing. i totally hate direct attention, i freeze and feel as though everyone can see right through me. in a nut shell, i would like to become comfortable with myself in ALL aspects. i would like to accomplish this sooner than later. That's how i came about this website. i googled improve social skills. any tips, refrences or similiar stories would be appreciated

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Feet Go Up.	Max Power	Intention-Manifestation	10	08-06-2007 07:28 PM
When I'm back on my feet again	Cantando	Emotional Mastery	2	07-04-2007 12:41 PM
The Daily Workout Thread :D	Hsiang-Lin	Health & Fitness	266	02-01-2007 05:20 PM
Anthony Robbins Seminars	Lonewolf	Personal Effectiveness	18	11-10-2006 12:40 AM

11-26-2007, 05:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
JimOfferman Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,823	Hey RUNE! First of all: welcome to the forum! We're all students and teachers here, so welcome to the group! I think you have already made great strides by coming here and posting a list of issues that concern you. A good next step would be to start investigating where these issues stem from. Try to find out why you are insecure about certain aspects of you... is it repressed fear? bad memories? inexperience? Once you have identified the root of each issue, overcoming it may be a lot of hard work or it may be as easy as laughing it off ("silly me, still worried about THAT after all these years"). At any case, start at the source and work your way up! If you need help finding the source of things, there's plenty of folk here who can help you with that Good luck! Jim.

11-27-2007, 01:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
RUNE Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2	Hi Jim. thanks for the encouragement. I have identified a source. i'm not sure if it's the main one, if there are any more etc, but i realize that as a child growing up, my parents weren't really interested in what i had to say. Rather than being heard, i was only seen and told what was the "right" thing to do. having a child now i have come to realize that the reason i used to go from not saying a word to shouting to the top of my lungs is because that is the only way i was listened to. Even today, my parents display no confidence in me what so ever. they even ask me questions and in the middle of my answer, would walk away as if i'm some sort of deliquent. because of that, i tend not to rely on anyone, so there is the "not being able to open" up issue. I think due to this, i have a lack of experience interacting and so when i'm actually being listened to, i fumble and get nervous and it's much easier to stay quiet. I HATE THAT ABOUT ME. i never like to sound like anyone else. but reading my post, i realize i sound like most people, who want to blame it on someone. the truth, in my parents era, the focus was different from what it is today and i can give my son the attention he deserves rather than having to worry about if we will have enough food next month. i am taking the necessary steps to improve myself and i plan on overcoming this eventually. i'm sure my son will blame me for something he is lacking in his life in years to come

11-27-2007, 05:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
JimOfferman Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,823	Good! Great, actually! Now, do you think you can forgive your parents for who they are and realize that their faults are not yours? Next time when you get the urge to shout at the top of your lungs, count to ten in your head to cool off a little and then speak the words you were going to say at a normal volume. You'll find that the majority of people does listen when spoken to. When you have to deal with your parents again, keep that same low tone in your voice. If they won't listen to you when you speak normally or if they cannot be bothered to hear everything you say, then that is their loss. If they are unwilling to listen to what their great magnificent person that is their child has to say, then they are the ones who are missing out on all of your gifts. Hard not to feel sorry for them, innit? Just speak to the people who will listen for now and allow your parents to come around and see their mistake in their own good time. hope this helps, Jim.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums