How do you get rid of a bad first-impression?

[jsot]

Or is it even possible?
I'm specifically wondering about first-impressions with the opposite sex.
Thanks.

[JimOfferman]

There is no such thing as a second chance to make a first impression, so just don't screw up the first time.

I'm assuming that there is a specific bad first impression that you'd like to see erased? You can't undo what is done, but if you give us some specifics, we might be able to give you some hints for making your second impression with this person of the opposite sex a little better...

[DarkSociologist]

brainwashing

but seriously, people tend to put the most weight to their first impressions and then will seek evidence to support that thought and ignore evidence that disproves it. Your only hope is to provide overwhelming evidence against the initial impression and provide no further evidence that supports it. This will take time

[jsot]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

There is no such thing as a second chance to make a first impression, so just don't screw up the first time.

I'm assuming that there is a specific bad first impression that you'd like to see erased? You can't undo what is done, but if you give us some specifics, we might be able to give you some hints for making your second impression with this person of the opposite sex a little better...

There's this girl at school that I sort of like that I only talked to once, and that was one time at lunch where I was feeling sort of depressed. I was just sitting at a table by myself thinking when she came over with this other guy and asked if they could sit down. I said yes and sat and started talking to me for about 5 minutes until the end of lunch.
Now, I've seen her around a lot after that. At least, I think it's her. But I've always been afraid to talk to her because she's a grade above me and I'm afraid she might recognize me and just remember me as that depressed kid she felt sorry for one day; which I can't imagine is very attractive.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by jsot

I'm afraid she might recognize me and just remember me as that depressed kid she felt sorry for one day; which I can't imagine is very attractive.

You may be right.

Then again, maybe not. She may not even have picked up on the sense that you were feeling down. Or if she did, she might have thought it was somewhat sweet and endearing.

Thing is, you don't really know; you're building assumptions in your head that may have nothing at all to do with reality.

So go say hello. Look her in the eye. Smile. Let the rest follow as it should.

[Angela]

Yeah, I wouldn't buy into that old saw about "you can't undo a first impression." I think that's bunk. Of course you can make a new impression with a new encounter! Especially if you are being dynamic, and being the quality that will make a difference. What would that be for your and this girl? How about: Being Present, or Being Engaging.

Of course if you go into a new encounter Being Fearful or Being Depressed, you'll just reinforce that about you for her. But if she spoke to you for 5 minutes, breaking it off only because lunch ended, odds are that she saw something in you that she found appealing, despite your being Gloomy Gus (it's also possible she saw your gloom as James Dean-style glamorous, or maybe she's a fixer. You just can't know, so why bother worrying?)

Are you in high school? You can count on the fact that everybody else you encounter at school has had episodes of feeling down, so it's not like you're an oddball for having had a glum moment. Just generate what will make a difference, be bold, be present, and have fun interacting with her! My guess is that she's wondering what's stopped you from doing that (and maybe she's even wondering what SHE did wrong!)

Good luck.

[votoshka]

I also disagree that you can't change a bad first impression of someone. Looking back on it, I know that my impressions of people have changed from when I've first met them!

I think the only time it really counts is for something like a job interview or an audition...simply because you don't often get the chance to make a second impression at all!!

[jsot]

Thanks.

Another question: how should I approach talking to her? Because she may or may not remember who I am. I would start out introducing myself but if she remembers me she'll be mad because I forgot about her, but it'll just be weird if I start talking to her knowing her name and acting like we met before. Am I over-thinking this?

[DarkSociologist]

If she doesn't remember who you are, then it just means you didn't make a strong impressions (and not a bad impression)

[Rose of Cairo]

How about "Hi! Do your remember me? We talked at lunch some time ago" Then you tell her your name and shake hands. (or whatever)

[Brutha]

Yeah, I wouldn't buy into that old saw about "you can't undo a first impression." I think that's bunk.

Well, if you change the impression afterwards, the new expression is by definition not the first impression?

Another question: how should I approach talking to her? Because she may or may not remember who I am. I would start out introducing myself but if she remembers me she'll be mad because I forgot about her, but it'll just be weird if I start talking to her knowing her name and acting like we met before. Am I over-thinking this?

Just have a nice discussion with her.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Well, if you change the impression afterwards, the new expression is by definition no the first impression?

Exactly!

[PokerEnthusiast]

Whenever you feel that you have made a bad first impression with someone - just stop worrying about it. When you meet this person again, pretend as if the first impression you made with them was a good one.