Changed relationship with parents

[prats]

Hi ,

I wanted to discuss this issue for a long time but i dont know who would offer me a unbiased opinion ,Once I found this site, I realized this is the correct forum so here I am opening my heart and please try to guide me unbiased.

I am 26 yr old female(NOW) . I entered into this country when I was 22.We are a upper middle class family with both my parents drawing a decent salary.My brother had done his bachelors and came to usa when I was working back in my country. My Brother got depressed here and returned to my country leaving his education half way. My parents got a financial blow and tried to pay all his debts they took from our relatives for his eduction abroad.That was the same period I came to usa. I earned for about 2 years and wanted my then idle brother to come back to this country which costed me about 3000$ for visa and other purposes.I was single and okay then.

My marriage got fixed and I had the pressure of brining my brother to attend my marriage as he is my only sibling.so that costed me again(1500$) .He was on his H1 then and was on bench. Meanwhile in these 2 years I accumilated around 10k $ and sent to my parents to put in my bank account. When my marriage got settled, even with out asking me they just decided to spend my savings for my marriage, I least expected them to ask me, as we were in difficulties we want you to contribute to your marriage.or something like that. Even though it was my marriage I expected them to take my consent or discuss with me.They havent spent a single pie from their pocket,giving the excuse of my brothers finanical drench. That hurted me.They bought me minimal gold and were very conjuce.

My brother after returning to usa from my marriage,worked for 3 months and went back again because of the same issue, his instability.

They retired about 6 months after my marriage. I cant blame anyone here, My brother who was behaving irresponisble, my parents who were concerend abt my brother..I was left all alone and left a hugeeeeeeeeeee gap and a deep hurt ,that no matter how much they tried to repair it ,is still hurting me.

Recently i delivered a baby here and they came here with their own expenses .
Am I worrying for nothing? My husband says you are a good daughter and now be careful with your money.He asked my parents to bear their own expense. and he is sponsoring for his mother for her next visit.

[DarkSociologist]

Hi Prats,

It seems like you are going through a tough time dealing with your family right now. Can you please list some of the concerns that you are feeling?

Are you worried that your parents are making excuses not to spend their money?
Are you worried about your brother?

Please keep in mind that we are all from different countries, which means that we aren't going to have an unbiased opinion. For example, I don't know if it's customary for your parents to pay for a wedding.

I hope you don't worry too much though.

[prats]

1)Yes its customary in our tradition,for parents to contribute to the daughters marriage
2) Yes I am worried about my elder brother being irresponsible towards me
3) I guess I am not realising the fact that I have grown up and that I am responsible.

I am confused.

[DarkSociologist]

Hi Prats,

Thanks for answering my question. It's difficult to give an opinion only hearing your perspective on the story. From what you describe it seems that you are a little disappointed that your family is not living up to your expectations.

The best thing that you can do (or at leas the best I can think of) is discussing your expectations of your family with your family and hear what they think you should expect from them. That way you both have an understanding of what each other should be doing.

I know it's frustrating when others fail to meet your expectations. It's usually a communication problem when this happens and it's not them intentionally trying to hurt you.

I hope this helps at least somewhat and I hope that you can mend things with you and your family.

[prats]

ya, thanks for sharing your opinion, its encouraging.Sometimes one fails to put in words what they are feeling esp when the feeling is against the people one loves the most, emotion comes in between .

Yes as you said, may be I have high expectations and there is mismatch between what I think and what I should expect.

Anyways Thanks !