What do you think about when you meet new people?

[Radical]

I'm just curious what people think about when they meet someone for the first time. Some people really enjoy socializing and meeting new people, while others find the experience uncomfortable. Perhaps this difference is due to certain personality traits, or learned patterns of thinking. When you meet someone new what is your thought process?

Are you preoccupied about what the person is thinking of you? Or are you instead judging them in someway?

Do you consider yourself inferior for some reason? Or do you view yourself as superior?

[gui]

I am one of those guys who is afraid of talking to new people.
If I say hello to them what if they don't reply. I would be very shy to repeat. I think they delibrately ignored me.

[Theobinomy]

I've always viewed a stranger as a friend I haven't made yet. So when I meet them I try to figure out the best way for us to be friends, that was we get to spend the few seconds we are together as happy as possible.

[Erin Pavlina]

I love meeting new people. First I reserve myself and try to get to know them. When they are comfortable, they will then usually ask about me. I just wait until they are interested before volunteering too much about myself. Mostly that's because I enjoy learning about new people. I am never worried that they are judging me. I see a new meeting as a chance to meet a part of myself walking down a different road than I am. It's a joy.

[Radical]

I've always wondered whether someone's confidence around people they don't know depends on their physiology or simply their thought processes.

In her book "Molecules of Emotion" Candace Pert Ph.D claims people can become addicted to their emotional states. Therefore, is being introverted for example merely an addiction to the emotional state of anxiety?

This quote from the film "What the Bleep Do We Know?" explains how people can create links between specific emotional states and external situations:

"The brain is made up of tiny nerve cells called 'neurons'. These neurons have tiny branches that reach out and connect to other neurons to form a neural net. Each place where they connect is incubated into a thought or a memory. Now, the brain builds up all its concepts by the law of associative memory. For example, ideas, thoughts and feelings are all constructed and interconnected in this neural net and all have a possible relationship with one another. The concept and the feeling of love, for instance is stored in this vast neural net. But we build the concept of love from many other different ideas. Some people have love connected to disappointment. When they think about love, they experience the memory of pain, sorrow, anger and even rage. Rage may be linked to hurt, which may be linked to a person, which then is connected back to love."

So you can see how an introvert may have spent a lifetime creating a strong link between the feeling of anxiety and social interactions. This quote from the same film explains the complicated biological process of emotions:

"There's a chemical that matches every emotional state that we experience. And the moment that we experience that emotional state in our body or in our brain that hypothalamus will immediately assemble the peptide and then releases it through the pituitary into the bloodstream. The moment it makes it into the bloodstream it finds its way to different centers or different parts of the body.

Now, every single cell in the body has these receptors on the outside. One cell can have thousands of receptors studding its surface, kind of opening up to the outside world. And when a peptide docks on a cell it literally, like a key going into a lock, sits on the receptor surface and attaches to it, and kind of moves the receptor. And kind of like a doorbell buzzing, sends a signal into the cell."

The film also purports that an addiction to an emotion, is in fact, not much different to a heroin addiction!

"When they understand that they are addicted to emotions–it’s not just psychological. It’s biochemical. Think about this: heroin uses the same receptor mechanisms on the cells that our emotional chemicals use. It’s easy to see then that if we can be addicted to heroin… then we can be addicted to any neural peptide, any emotion."

So you see, is being more extroverted as simple as changing your thought processes? Or is it made more complicated by addictions to emotional states?

[jruckman]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

I see a new meeting as a chance to meet a part of myself walking down a different road than I am. It's a joy.

That's beautiful.

[yasi_joy]

im definitly not afraid if i get alonge with everyone buT i usually prejudge like i tell my self "o he/she's so nice' and later i find out he is not and vis versa

[sadavis00]

meeting a person for the FIRST time, my mind goes blank, as in I have no emotions. I smile and joke and try to test the social skills of the other person with small talk. I can be very forward. It's almost like a preset routine. If I don't get a chance to say something, and seem funny and interesting, only then do I start feeling bad. Probably because at the back of mind I think that the other person, like me, is judging me and testing out my social skills too.

[Erock]

For me, when I am with people, I'm completely out of my head, as in I am not thinking about anything. I'm good with people, so if you have trouble meeting new people, try to completely clear your mind.

Good luck
Erock

[wadoo]

When I meet new people, I feel stressed. I'm afraid of them, because I think I'll say something uncertain, something silly. But later, when our relations goes further, I can realise myself in this communication, I can feel free and so on.

What should I do if I want to do no worry, when I'm meeting new people? I want to do that meeting new people would be my favourite thing...

Any suggestions?

[joelyle]

I try to determine what their god/driving force in life is; I have noticed this can be determined in a matter of minutes; as a side-note: I do have a negative habit of passing judgement.

[mattsonn]

I have mixed feelings about it. As a general rule, I would say yes, but I can think of so many times (more often than not) where I'm just not that interested in meeting someone.

I completely agree with what Richard said about feelings being addictive chemicals. Intellectually, you'd think that it would make most sense to just be 'at peace' and 'content' most of the time. But in the real world, those strong feelings are what help me focus.

[yacapo]

This topic is very much related to my website so I thought I should mention it. My wife and I started a website for couples to find other couples in their area that they can hang out with. Basically, you search for other couples that you share similar interests with, contact them and arrange a meeting where you can get to know each other and maybe become good friends.

We felt a lot of couples have the same problem we do, which is not having enough couple-friends to hang out with. Once you're married, it's hard hanging out with your single friends like you did before.

I imagine it is very awkward for my members at first when they first meet another couple. It's kind of like a blind date except you are meeting a couple and it's just for friendship.

If anyone is interested in the website for finding couple-friends, it is free and you can find it at HangBase.com

[Ann]

I feel the same way as Erin.

Since I am very outgoing and sociable, I love meeting new people. I'm always curious about them so I always ask loads of questions about them because I am interested in where they are coming from, especially if they have a different nationality than me.

Like Erin says, once they are comfortable, they will ask questions about me.

If I can connect with them, I can become easily friends with them in less than 10 minutes and I do not worry at all about what they think about me.

In my mind, I am the best person he/she will meet in his/her life and following the law of attraction, likes attract likes

[Radical]

Originally Posted by Ann

I feel the same way as Erin.

Since I am very outgoing and sociable, I love meeting new people. I'm always curious about them so I always ask loads of questions about them because I am interested in where they are coming from, especially if they have a different nationality than me.

Like Erin says, once they are comfortable, they will ask questions about me.

If I can connect with them, I can become easily friends with them in less than 10 minutes and I do not worry at all about what they think about me.

In my mind, I am the best person he/she will meet in his/her life and following the law of attraction, likes attract likes

Oh god, not the overly zealous can't wipe that smile off my stupid face type.

[A.K.Light]

I just take my time getting to know them. No reason to rush things. If there's a connection, it will get deeper. I'm not really that distant but I certainly don't pry or try to force things.

[Jerklaren]

Originally Posted by Radical

I've always wondered whether someone's confidence around people they don't know depends on their physiology or simply their thought processes.

In her book "Molecules of Emotion" Candace Pert Ph.D claims people can become addicted to their emotional states. Therefore, is being introverted for example merely an addiction to the emotional state of anxiety?

This quote from the film "What the Bleep Do We Know?" explains how people can create links between specific emotional states and external situations:



So you can see how an introvert may have spent a lifetime creating a strong link between the feeling of anxiety and social interactions. This quote from the same film explains the complicated biological process of emotions:



The film also purports that an addiction to an emotion, is in fact, not much different to a heroin addiction!



So you see, is being more extroverted as simple as changing your thought processes? Or is it made more complicated by addictions to emotional states?

Interesting. I wonder if there is much research in the area. The problem with psychology is that everyone has an idea they are convinced is true. :-)


About the question whether it's psychology or neurobiology. The question itself is grounded in old dualistic thinking. There is no such thing as pure psychology. If changes in neurobiology affect thinking, affects, behavior or something else psychological, it's not just neurobiology either. The thing is, you can change your neurobiology through psychological means, as well as the opposite - you can change your psychology with medication.