Can May/December relationships work?

[Bradshaw]

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

My wife is 18 years older than I am, we've been together more than 7 years, and our relationship gets better every year. I think the important thing is communication and commonality.

The assumption that an age gap automatically means you have less in common (other than your age) is wrong in my case.

Wow. My experience exactly!

My girlfriend is also 18 years older than me and we've been together for more than 6 months.

Age gap and having have less in common really doesn't jive with my experience. The opposite, in fact, is my experience.

[VanillaGorilla]

Originally Posted by ivorytickler

the adoration a young girl has for her older man early on fading away. By the time I was 30, I wanted a true partner. He still wanted that girl who looked up to him.

It's been a rough ride. While I"m in this relationship for the long haul, I wouldn't do it over. There are just too many problems due to the age gap. And some of them, we're just starting to see with him entering his senior years and me still rooted in middle adulthood. I feel like I sold my youth and got gyped in the deal but it's the deal I made.

WOW. I know this thread is old but I just had to come on and comment... I hope you're still around, ivorytickler!

I have been in a May/December relationship for the past 7 years. We started dating when I was 21 and he was 38 (now 28 and 46).

As much as I love him, I often feel exactly as you do.

The adoration I once had for him has faded considerably. Not in a bad way, I have just become my own person and one who likes to make my own decisions rather than go to him for advice on them as I have for many years. He still very much still wants that girl who looked up to him – if I show any signs of confidence or control he takes it badly, asking me what is with my “attitude”.

I feel like I sold my youth as well…

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by VanillaGorilla

WOW. I know this thread is old but I just had to come on and comment... I hope you're still around, ivorytickler!

I have been in a May/December relationship for the past 7 years. We started dating when I was 21 and he was 38 (now 28 and 46).

As much as I love him, I often feel exactly as you do.

The adoration I once had for him has faded considerably. Not in a bad way, I have just become my own person and one who likes to make my own decisions rather than go to him for advice on them as I have for many years. He still very much still wants that girl who looked up to him – if I show any signs of confidence or control he takes it badly, asking me what is with my “attitude”.

I feel like I sold my youth as well…

I see no problem with May December relationships, but hearing things like this makes me think that some really aren't based on equality... I couldn't give a crap how old someone is, for the most part, but if I was in a relationship I'd need to be an "equal partner" (whether I was the younger or the older...and to be honest, I'm more likely to be the older than the younger cause that's just the way I roll).

I'd advise any younger woman who's with an older man to really consider how much input he gives her into the relationship, and whether or not he sees her as an equal, because it seems that often such relationships are quite imbalanced (often but evidently not always).

[bluebmr]

Originally Posted by votoshka

I see no problem with May December relationships, but hearing things like this makes me think that some really aren't based on equality... I couldn't give a crap how old someone is, for the most part, but if I was in a relationship I'd need to be an "equal partner" (whether I was the younger or the older...and to be honest, I'm more likely to be the older than the younger cause that's just the way I roll).

I'd advise any younger woman who's with an older man to really consider how much input he gives her into the relationship, and whether or not he sees her as an equal, because it seems that often such relationships are quite imbalanced (often but evidently not always).

Agreed. I abandoned the idea about women being less then men long ago.

I have also encountered women who have tried to dominate me in social, work and intimate relationships. My response to that is quick and to the point. In social I walk away and avoid. In work I transfer or stand my ground even if she is a supervisor or management. If she is a good leader then she will respect me for my work and contribution. If she has to dominate then she is insecure with herself. I have no respect for a supervisor or manager, male of female, who is insecure. In an intimate relationship I get out. In a previous relationship I felt like I could not breath.

Now in this relationship that I'm in with a 20 year old... well what can I say except in the wisdom of my old age you never stop learning.. I treat her as an equal in an intimate relationship. In her personality and spirit she let me know that she considers herself an equal. She never hesitates to express herself as the woman in my life. Yes, she is young enough to be my daughter but it never goes that way because I respect her for who she is.