dealing with people being wrong?

[edwardmccaughan]

whats the best way to deal with someone who is wrong (and its over something logical enough you can prove it) but won't listen and its something that can't just be ignored?

a bit of background context-

last night I was at work as was disagreeing with a manager. She was 90% right, but she was trying to convince me using brute force "do what you're told" logic, when if she'd listened for 30 seconds to why I was disagreeing it could have all been sorted out and instead just made sure I had no respect for her managing abilities.

This got me thinking about how I've been managing a team for a university project, where theres on person who disagrees with me on the "vision" of where the project is going. I know I'm right and he's wrong because it was me that had the idea and doing it his way will be no where near as good as mine, but I can't quite work out how to both listen and make sure he knows I appreciate his opinions on how things should be done even thought I know we can't do things his way.

I'm probably leaving a lot of stuff vague, particularly since this is involves tons of philosophical debate on the purpose of a leader, subjective reality and fun and fuzzy things like that, but anything interesting or argument inducing would help

[cdn2wheeler]

It's safe to say that most people make their decisions based on emotions and use logic - even incorrect logic - to back up their choices.

So clearly, an appeal to logic usually doesn't work.

But before you go try and change someone elses mind, I encourage you to listen actively. I'm not suggesting that they're right, but I am suggesting that they probably feel like you're not really listening to them.

I'm too sleepy right now to give a breakdown of what active listening is all about, but you can find some good stuff here. Try some of those techniques to hear the others out. Once they've had their say, they may be more willing to entertain other points of view.

[JimOfferman]

You have to realize that it is hard for people to admit that they are wrong or defeated, it's humiliating! Some teacher in an otherwise useless management training once taught me a neat little trick: offer a way for them to come over to your side without losing face.

Bad: "Just admit that my arguments are better, John!"
Good: "Hey John, do you think you can accept my view on this?"

Notice how the second version makes it very easy for John to say: "Yes, I can." You're not asking him to invalidate his own arguments, you're asking him to agree with you - which is far, far easier to do.

[Jennihul]

I'm supposed to believe that there is no right or wrong, just individual opinions based on people doing the best they can with what they've got.

It's really true but sometimes it's hard to swallow.

A better question is, why should we care so much about being right? Matter of principal. A deep-seated sense of competition among one another. The idea that OUR truth is more important than another's truth.

Your first sentance contains your problem: It CAN be ignored. You just choose not to.

Especially with philosophical, "fuzzy" issues.

Jennifer

[Kaybee]

I manage people and it's rare that everyone will agree. However, I always apply the following:

I always try to allow people to 'save-face.' Meaning I praise in public and discipline (disagree) in private.

I always try to tie everything to my company's vision and mission. After all, they set the stage for how we should work, as well as the direction and results we need.

When I do not agree with someone, I listen and state their concerns/opinions back to them so they know I understand where they are coming from.

Lastly, when all is say and done and I still disagree, I ask the person to simply understand where I am coming from and ask they operate as a team player because I really need their contribution. If that does not work, then I may decide to take disciplinary action.

In the end, I know I've done everything I could to show that I respect and care about others' opinions. At the same time, my staff understands as the manager I am often asked to make decision and while I always seek input, my final decision is it and they must fall in line.

Kim

Self Improvement and Motivation