Whats it the best method to be better in life?

[Kena]

I've recently taken on the mission of personal development, to become a better conversationalist, wittier, more fun to be with etc. and am very confused as to the best way to do this. What are peoples thoughts?

Self Hypnosis? Tapping? The list of methods is endless, and I'm keen to know what people have tried and recommend

[cdn2wheeler]

The best?

What works for me may not be appropriate for someone else.

Can we drill down a little bit more? What one area, specifically, would you like to see improved? Let's start with one and then go from there.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kena

to become a better conversationalist, wittier, more fun to be with etc.

Best way to be all those things is to be very interested in others and to look for what's wonderful in everyone you meet.

[JonB07]

Originally Posted by Angela

Best way to be all those things is to be very interested in others and to look for what's wonderful in everyone you meet.

But do you really think you can be best all those things he mentioned. I think you need find your weakness and work on that

[Angela]

Originally Posted by JonB07

But do you really think you can be best all those things he mentioned. I think you need find your weakness and work on that

A little semantics: Kena asked, "what's the best way to do this" not "what's the way to be best at this". And yes, I believe the best conversationalists, the most fun to be with, are the ones who are most interested in others.

Finding your weaknesses and working on them is a fine thing to do, I'm sure; but it is in fact more inward looking, which I'll bet Kena has already done quite a bit of. You want to be a sparkling conversationalist, you gotta stop thinking about yourself so much and start focusing on others more.

That's what I think.

[Brutha]

Surronding yourself with successful people.

[Kena]

For me, one of the things I really find hard to do, is to just make small talk to people, to engage in conversation about simple things. I often feel that the only things worth talking about are substantial matters, mainly my own.

I know this is a selfish attitude to have, but I can't seem to change it. I would love to chat for hours to anybody about trival stuff, as its this small talk which is really the glue of social relationships.

[Angela]

Kena, some of the most interesting conversations I've had have been with strangers at parties of whom I've asked, "What's the most important thing to you in your life?" or "If you could have one quality or condition -- not a material thing -- in your life that you don't already have, what would it be?"

Sometimes people are a little startled when you don't stick to small talk, but I've never met anyone who wasn't delighted to talk about real stuff.

[Kena]

Originally Posted by Angela

Kena, some of the most interesting conversations I've had have been with strangers at parties of whom I've asked, "What's the most important thing to you in your life?" or "If you could have one quality or condition -- not a material thing -- in your life that you don't already have, what would it be?"

Sometimes people are a little startled when you don't stick to small talk, but I've never met anyone who wasn't delighted to talk about real stuff.

No, totally, but then its the small talk that tends to be the more fun. Not always, but often. I've found that with bigger talk, the conversation can quickly become one way.

I guess being a little more playful and fun would definitely be a good thing for me, and have a knock on effect upon the small talk that I make.

[Kena]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Surronding yourself with successful people.

Where I work/live, I'm pretty much stuck with the people that are here. However, they are mostly all very decent people, with similar interests and ambitions.

[Angela]

Kena, finding out what makes people really tick can be playful and lighthearted and fun. Talking about things that matter doesn't have to be heavy, overbearing, or one-directional.

[thesnowyeti]

I'd say motivation is key. Constantly working towards your goals without procrastination definitely yields results.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Kena

No, totally, but then its the small talk that tends to be the more fun. Not always, but often. I've found that with bigger talk, the conversation can quickly become one way.

Which way is that? Is it you constantly talking to them? If so, learn to "shut up" every once in a while and give whomever you're having the conversation with a chance to speak. Don't just be a waterfall of words.

If it is your conversation partner who cannot put a breath of space between his (or her) words, either cut in or find someone else to talk to.

Monologues are not conversations

[Kena]

Originally Posted by Angela

Kena, finding out what makes people really tick can be playful and lighthearted and fun. Talking about things that matter doesn't have to be heavy, overbearing, or one-directional.

But sometimes (most times?) I don't feel playful enough to do this. I really envy the people who can be playful, and just chat away, always laughing. I don't know what it is that prevents me from doing this.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kena

But sometimes (most times?) I don't feel playful enough to do this. I really envy the people who can be playful, and just chat away, always laughing. I don't know what it is that prevents me from doing this.

It sounds like it's not so much small talk that you want to get good at as much as feeling comfortable and relaxed in social situations? Feeling playful and joyful, whether the conversation is a casual reunion of pals or meeting someone for the first time or a more in-depth connection for understanding (small talk or big talk), it all boils down to the same thing: focus on the person you're speaking with. When you do that, obviously you become less self-conscious. The more you practice, the easier and more natural-feeling it becomes, and your sense of joy and play in the conversation will blossom in all of your conversations.

The advanced lesson includes generating love and affinity in all your conversatons -- but that's for another post!

[Kena]

Can Paul Mckenna help me?

[absvan]

Originally Posted by Angela

I've had have been with strangers at parties of whom I've asked, "What's the most important thing to you in your life?" or "If you could have one quality or condition -- not a material thing -- in your life that you don't already have, what would it be?"

Sometimes people are a little startled when you don't stick to small talk, but I've never met anyone who wasn't delighted to talk about real stuff.

Nice questions Angela. I also think that asking people who are living a zombie life such questions can get them to think in ways they havent done before. This can be a really good for a conversation. Thanks!!

[Angela]

My pleasure, absvan! Danger Man and I were out to dinner the other night with a couple from Israel and I started off by asking them questions like that. It was one of those exciting, sparkling conversation kind of nights where other diners kept trying to get in on it. Over dessert, the husband told us, "We don't know any Americans who talk like this!"

[Johnny5]

Originally Posted by Kena

I've recently taken on the mission of personal development, to become a better conversationalist, wittier, more fun to be with etc. and am very confused as to the best way to do this. What are peoples thoughts?

Self Hypnosis? Tapping? The list of methods is endless, and I'm keen to know what people have tried and recommend

Hi there,

I tried many Hypnosis sessions....it was very expensive and it was not worth the money...and I don't think self-hypnosis would worth the time either...

What I found out about the most effective way to develop myself was through practice mindfulness meditation, exercise and some techniques from a book "awaken the giant within" by Tony Robbins.

Exercise help you become a more energetic person...a person with energy attract people.
Meditation help you become a more focus individual....In learning things, in listening to people. Take learning to become an expert... Take listening to become a conversationalist.
The techniques from the book to help you deal with emotional issues...

Learn to observe other people and emulate the best of their characters....
by learn to take criticism from others as feedback on your improvement...make sure to thank those who gave criticism....they will become your fast friends you ever make among people.

and you will be on your way to be what you want to be....

Best Regards,

Johnny

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Johnny5

Hi there,

I tried many Hypnosis sessions....it was very expensive and it was not worth the money...and I don't think self-hypnosis would worth the time either...

My experience with hypnosis and self hypnosis has been positive. I have used hypnosis in various ways for a few decades to achieve positive changes in my life.

Self hypnosis can have many commonalities with what some people think of as mediation. I have used self created audio programs and simple relaxation techniques to achieve the desired state.

I belief no one tool is right for everyone. Hypnosis is a tool which has been useful to me and for many others. It does not have to be expensive.

Your mileage may vary as of course it does!<Grin>

[mansell]

i dont think there is a "best". to make your life a better place isto do what you see as better for yourself...friends ect can be found through acting this way, as they will recognise and preffer how you axt to others, therefore being able to find better friends.