|10-28-2007, 04:55 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
I seek a little advice...
(I hope I'm not breaking some terrible forum taboo by posting here first instead of in the introductions section )
Anywho, to get right to the point, I have no friends. In fact, from the age of about twelve till now, I probably only had a single person I might have called a real friend, and I've not spoken to him in almost two years. I must spend half my life on the Internet and yet my MSN contact list remains empty, as I don't even have any of the online friends that seem to be the sole social bastion of the Internet nerd.
...However, it may surprise you to learn that until very recently, I didn't give a damn. I prefer my own company to that of others anyway, and I can honestly say that if I made a list of all the people I have met in my life that I have actually liked to any great extent it would be pathetically short. I don't really have any form of social anxiety - I just don't like people very much. I go to college, I am entirely capable of conversing with the others on my course, but I never feel any sort of connection with them and I know for a fact that they would start to irritate me if I was somehow forced to spend more time with them than I needed to.
Up until a month or so ago I was happy. Content to live my life in this fashion, indulging my desire for adventure and action through books, movies and games.
Actually in typically geeky fashion, it was a game that really started mucking about with the balance of my world. A romance for the player character in an RPG... I've read and watched many (Far better written I might add) romances in books and movies, but I think it was something to do with the immersion of an RPG more or less making me the main character experiencing the story that set me off.
(That really does sound very stupid, but it's exactly what happened...)
Since then, particularly in the dead of night when I am alone with my thoughts I feel a terrible desire for some sort of closeness to other human beings, intimacy, the ability to talk to someone who might just want to hear what I have to say!
In the morning I used to forget these feelings almost entirely, and so I would ignore them, but lately these... Episodes have been leaving deeper and deeper wounds. It's infecting my motivation and thus my work at college.
It's emotionally crushing me and I don't know how to deal with it.
But how can I deal with it!? I don't like anybody I know! I could try and meet new people who might perhaps share my (largely negative) views on a large percentage of humanity, but surely actively antisocial people banding together is a contradiction in terms? Besides, where would someone with no social circle even meet new people!?
I'm really at my wits end...
|10-28-2007, 08:18 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Durham, UK
By acknowledging your problem, you actually already have half the battle won. I would suggest starting off by going to places of specific interest to you (concerts of bands you like, matches of sports teams you like) as often as possible. You're sure to find people who think similarly to you eventually.
It's interesting that you say that you don't typically like people very much. Perhaps you just haven't met the right people, or perhaps you just haven't asked the right people the right questions. Make a real effort to get to know people for who they are (not just what they're doing, or what you're doing with them at that moment in time - i.e. your course, although it's a start). Make the conversation all about the other person. You'll be surprised how quickly a connection can be established once they start revealing the quirky, hidden layers of their character that you probably never imagined to exist before.
|10-28-2007, 09:23 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Netherlands
I dunno about the anti-social club... that may or may not exist. I wouldn't know really, 'cause I don't qualify. And neither do you, I think. You just haven't found any like-minded people yet.
You like books, movies and games. Maybe you could just bring people into the mix there. Join a bookclub, hang out with other movie buffs. Maybe you'll like Live Action Role Playing or table-top RPGs perhaps? There are throngs of people that do either of these things.
You could even start socializing with like-minded people from behind your computer. Join a WoW guild, if you're in to that sort of thing. If you are open to it, it can and will spill over to your real-life. A friend of my brother recently made a tour across half of Europe to meet all his guild buddies in real-life and is currently dating a girl from Danmark, whose avatar he had already "married" in WoW. I guess anything is possible these days...
Another idea: start wearing t-shirts of your favorite books/movies/games in public. Advertise your interests! I recently ran into a guy wearing a t-shirt with the logo of Blizzard (the company that developed WoW) on it and we ended up talking about computer games (which are my bread and butter) for at least half an hour.
|10-28-2007, 09:32 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Start working on loving and accepting yourself and you'll find you'll start to appreciate other people more.
I hope you aren't offended by that and that you appreciate the message.
|10-28-2007, 11:28 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2007
I understand the negative view on humanity bit... when I was 16 I was gothy, underground, and angry.
Ive had friends that are similar to your situation. However I had to give them up as friends because their lives were going nowhere.
You main problem is your negative view. You CANT and WONT accept people no matter how they come across to you. Dont believe me? Lay in bed and just think about it...
I discovered that my hate for family and holidays and love came from my lack of it. Even if you discover the reason for your misplaced hate is not entirely true. If its in your mind that way then it is. If that makes sense.
You need to work on going easy on people and trying to see the similarities even in the most opposite of people.
Its the tip of the iceberg but you would be cheating yourself if you didnt start with that. Sure there are other anti social people that you might possibly meet. I met alot growing up... and most goth people are even when they go out to clubs................. ANYWAY
Do you really want to be around others like you? Do you really think that someone would want to open up to you if you dont like them?
Just some thoughts.
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