Relaunching your online identity

[elliot]

Online since I was 11, am 24 now. Let's just say that over the years I have accumulated a lot of 'online baggage' and am seeking to start anew. Perhaps too much so, I communicated with people online in the same manner as those I had known in person for years. It's never quite the same....

I'd much rather have a clean break from people who I communicate with haphazardly instead of that gray area. Where one feels like they are bothering the other person, but hopes that at some level they still want to keep open the doors of communication.

Also, there have been relationships both in general and of a personal nature that didn't work out for various reasons. I'd rather start over than constantly be reminded of mistakes / lapses in judgement. I am keeping a few close friends in my circle, but everyone else is out (unless they go out of their way to contact me..). A lot of the people I'm cutting off are good-natured, knowledgeable, etc. That connection between us just isn't there.

Does this seem like a reasonable practice?

[JimOfferman]

I dunno... I carry my life's baggage proudly on my back, for everyone to see. Sure it's not all pretty, but it shows I've been places and done stuff... it shows who I am.

[Halcyon]

I think its fine. Ive done it many times. I prefer my anonymity to a certain degree. Im getting more used to letting it all "hang out there" lol

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by elliot

Does this seem like a reasonable practice?

I'm not sure I quite understand what you are getting at. Are you trying to get rid of those friends whom you aren't really friends with? If that's the case, why not just stop talking with them. Or are you talking about removing them from your facebook/myspace/messenger contact list?

[robertanthony]

The thing about communicating online is that you get 'virtual friends' who might spend there life on a computer. I know some people who spend their entire lives around chat rooms and never really go anywhere or meet people. They have dreams that will never come true because the dont socialize face to face. I had a choice to ditch the people so that my life could progress - sometimes it's good to the leave the tribe behind so that you can grow.

[elliot]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I dunno... I carry my life's baggage proudly on my back, for everyone to see. Sure it's not all pretty, but it shows I've been places and done stuff... it shows who I am.

I can see the advantages of this perspective. Perhaps it would be more likely if I had a series of accomplishments online that I wanted other people to really admire. At the current moment, despite all these years I can't say I do.

[elliot]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I'm not sure I quite understand what you are getting at. Are you trying to get rid of those friends whom you aren't really friends with? If that's the case, why not just stop talking with them. Or are you talking about removing them from your facebook/myspace/messenger contact list?

Trying to get rid of them yes, but also surrounding myself with a completely different set of people. The ones I truly feel an open connection and strong bond with. I don't talk to most of the people I'm trying to avoid, but it's simply easier to start from scratch vs weeding out people from my list one at a time (over 100 users).

I suppose I don't mind as much on facebook / myspace / etc since I'm not opening up myself so much on those sites. Also from my experiences, people on those sites tend to not post much anyway.

[elliot]

Originally Posted by robertanthony

The thing about communicating online is that you get 'virtual friends' who might spend there life on a computer. I know some people who spend their entire lives around chat rooms and never really go anywhere or meet people. They have dreams that will never come true because the dont socialize face to face. I had a choice to ditch the people so that my life could progress - sometimes it's good to the leave the tribe behind so that you can grow.

Robert I couldn't agree with this statement more. Especially when certain people work in environments where they are in front of a computer chatting all day amongst themselves. I want to live out more of my dreams and not just talk about them on a computer system. I've noticed that some people you shouldn't share too much about yourself with because they will either criticize you or flat out say they don't care. It's self-defeating trying to get these individuals to like you. The easiest way to move on is to block them off completely in my opinion. Then reevaluate things if / when they try to initiate communication with you.

[JimOfferman]

I don't see how your 'virtual' friends' lifestyles have any reflection on your own life. Do you have to choose to never go out because some or all of your online friends never see the light of day? Of course not!

You decide how to live your life - they decide how to live theirs.

[elliot]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I don't see how your 'virtual' friends' lifestyles have any reflection on your own life. Do you have to choose to never go out because some or all of your online friends never see the light of day? Of course not!

You decide how to live your life - they decide how to live theirs.

True. My aim is not to convince you of believing things are a certain way. Just explaining it from my perspective. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but I would constantly look at my buddy list to see who was online and what they were doing. To the point where it would be unhealthy and one person jokingly accused me of stalking them. They didn't really like me in the first place. I would stay inside all day hoping that one of the 100+ people on my buddy list, only a few of which were geographically close to me would be interested in doing something social and not destructive in the process. Rarely did I find it.

Maybe I've mentioned it here before, but I have a tendency to overanalyze things. Like someone online stops talking to me all of a sudden and I will message them about it or writing in my old journal about the entire experience seeking feedback from others. I did that for years.

Perhaps this clarifies things a bit? It's one step closer to me being in balance.

[Jim11]

That seems fine, Elliot. Just don't bother thinking about the people you don't have any sort of meaningful relationship with (or desire to have one with) in places like MSN. Just block/delete them if it bothers you that they're there.

Change your e-mail if you want.

Try and find some more meaningful relationships through different methods

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by elliot

Perhaps this clarifies things a bit? It's one step closer to me being in balance.

It was already clear to me

What I meant is that starting with a clean slate for your online identity is not the solution here! It may be part of the solution, but it is certainly not all you need to do. You must also change your habit of hanging behind the computer all day expecting one of your virtual friends to fill your non-virtual needs.

Personally, I would just concentrate on finding some real world friends (the usual methods apply - go out, do stuff, have fun). That's the important part. But if you feel that a reboot of your online identity will help motivate you to go outside, then by all means!

good luck!
Jim.

[elliot]

Thanks for all of your feedback everyone.