Sexual Incompatibility

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by striving4peace

where obviously the people aren't in love with each other

And how do you determine "in love with each other"?

[striving4peace]

lol, i sound corny when i say "how do people know they're in love? they just know it." :P

but i mean when the relationship has progressed to a point... where its not just about a physical attraction.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by striving4peace

lol, i sound corny when i say "how do people know they're in love? they just know it." :P

but i mean when the relationship has progressed to a point... where its not just about a physical attraction.

If you're on your first date, and after an hour, there is still nothing more than physical attraction, then either just have sex or say it won't work and break it off, because it won't.

You shouldn't go out on a date with someone you don't find attractive in ways other than the physical, unless you're either wildly optimistic, desperate, or utterly inexperienced.

From the classic guy's perspective, you should have sized her up for more than the status you gain from having her on your arm or the enjoyment you anticipate in bed. In the former case, yay high school. In the latter, be honest: it's just about sex. Do it and don't pretend. Don't ask someone out on a date if you don't already want a relationship.

From the classic girl's perspective, you should know a lot from how you got asked on the date, how he looks and is dressed and carries himself, where you're going, what you're doing, and, by the time the date is underway, you have more than enough information to determine his attractiveness on non-physical qualities.

So if this ephemeral "not just about a physical attraction" is your idea of love, then love most certainly happens very quickly. It's not like every girl carries a beeper around that rings when a guy wants a date. There should be more than enough interaction by the time the first date begins to gather the appropriate interest.

This is why I had to ask.

People have widely varying ideas of what "love" is. When I asked you how you make the determination, I didn't mean you, in the relationship. I meant you, as a third party. I can't agree or disagree with you about the chronology until I have a grasp of what you mean.

[striving4peace]

I agree. Different people indeed have different ideas of what "love" or "falling in love" is. Indeed, love can even be categorized into "passionate" and "compassionate" love. When asked to determine what the classic guy and girl call "being in love", I would say it is passionate love. Where its the kind of love you normally see being depicted in movies and song - the lovers can't stop thinking about each other, either see each other as flawless or find it so easy to accept and understand the flaws, they want to spend the rest of their lives together, have kids, start a family - and all because being with that person makes them feel good and they are addicted to that person. It originates from the physical attraction and it exists because, as you said - it fulfills a basic need: the guy's need to satisfy his urges and how the girl on his arm portrays his status among the other guys, and the girls need to fill a void of love and security.
But overall it's an addiction and usually a phase.

However as you put correctly, many people have different ideas of love and classic guys and girls tend to copy their ideas, beliefs and values from what is held by majority of their gender.