Just because i smile doesnt mean i like you

[Adler]

Hi

A quick explanation and then my questions. Im in my early 20's and female as a civil engineer (traditionally male industry) i am the only female in the company that works onsite.

So I am in a relationship and have been with the same person since i was 15(another story some other time), working on site the attitude is generally what happens in ***** (insert town name) stays in *****. More to the point it seems that regardless of my relationship status the men i work with appear to feel that my body is public property. Not exactly sexual harassment as i am generally easy going in all aspects of my life - but im guessing if my boyfriend was here they wouldn’t treat me how they do when im here by myself. Nothing i see if degrading to me but i don't what to think what they might say when i am not there.

So more to the point i know 2 of the guys are interested in me and was told by a psychic that another is interested in me (i can see it but would rather ignore it) one is my boss! Im not sure how to handle this. I dont flirt or wear provocative clothing or make up to work. I am simply friendly as in how are you? Can i help? and that is it.

So what do i do? I am not used to this much attention from males and don't really know what to do about it.

Any ideas? I don't want to create a scene as in get senior management involved.... As i think it would cause more problems than it would fix i need to maintain working relationships with these people.


Any ideas would be great.

[JimOfferman]

Hey Adler,

I think part of it is just to the simple fact that it is what we men do. We see a nice lady and our instincts tells us to react. You can thank nature for that.

Doesn't mean you have to put with all male flirting behavior, though. Try to recognize what kind of flirt you are getting. There's in principle three kinds of flirts that we men use:

• flirt - you're a nice lady and I'd like to aknowledge that
• Flirt - Any chance of a date?
• FLIRT - GET. INTO. MY. BED. NOW!

Obviously, the last one is in no way appropriate at the workplace. If that is the kind of flirt you're getting from a co-worker of boss, firmly reject it. If that doesn't help, get upper management involved, 'cause someone doesn't know how to behave in a work environment.

You may just get the second one, the Flirt, in which case you should politely reject. If the guy has any brains, he'll recognize that his actions are fruitless and move on.

Finally, the standard flirt... this one really means nothing. Aknowledge it with a smile and move on.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Adler

Hi

A quick explanation and then my questions. Im in my early 20's and female as a civil engineer (traditionally male industry) i am the only female in the company that works onsite.

So I am in a relationship and have been with the same person since i was 15(another story some other time), working on site the attitude is generally what happens in ***** (insert town name) stays in *****. More to the point it seems that regardless of my relationship status the men i work with appear to feel that my body is public property. Not exactly sexual harassment as i am generally easy going in all aspects of my life - but im guessing if my boyfriend was here they wouldn’t treat me how they do when im here by myself. Nothing i see if degrading to me but i don't what to think what they might say when i am not there.

So more to the point i know 2 of the guys are interested in me and was told by a psychic that another is interested in me (i can see it but would rather ignore it) one is my boss! Im not sure how to handle this. I dont flirt or wear provocative clothing or make up to work. I am simply friendly as in how are you? Can i help? and that is it.

So what do i do? I am not used to this much attention from males and don't really know what to do about it.

Any ideas? I don't want to create a scene as in get senior management involved.... As i think it would cause more problems than it would fix i need to maintain working relationships with these people.


Any ideas would be great.

I don't see the problem. Are they touching you? If so, even if it's a touch on the shoulder, just say, "Don't touch me." If it's suggesting you should hang out after work and you don't want to, say, "No thanks." If someone says, "Your ass looks great," then you say, "Say that again and I'm reporting you for sexual harassment."

[Sly Apple Pie]

If they're not doing anything inappropriate (which from the sounds of your post, they're not, really), then what exactly is the problem?

Two guys find you attractive. There's no harm in that. Take it as a compliment and don't act upon it.