|10-19-2007, 08:29 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2007
Ever had this sensation?
You deal with other people just fine, for a long while. You think maybe you've actually turned a corner. Or maybe you never had a problem to begin with, you just had to stop over thinking everything. OR maybe immersion therapy really works. Regardless, you don't even care. You're interacting with people, you're normal.
Then, it all comes crashing down. Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, you have an almost choking attack of inadequacy.
Ever had that? I'm there right now, so any tips would be good.
I've been cruising along for a while, doing good, going to school, etc. I've kind of had this like....alien sensation, where I'm not like everyone else, but at least I'm doing a good job PRETENDING I am.
Then today in math class, while I was zoned out due to the incredibly low-level material, I had a sudden attack of those feelings I was talking about. It was suddenly like, I felt as if I had paddled myself out confidently, and just now turned around to realize I can't see the shore.
The only analogy I can give is that I feel like I've lied on a resume to get a job, and I am awaiting the moment when I am unable to do something, and everyone will see me for the fraud I am.
On top of all this I am getting really close to the most amazing girl. But with her, too, I feel like I'm pretending to be this got-it-together guy, and the truth is going to come out any moment. The thing is I'm not even sure I'm not that guy. I have spent such a small amount of my life around people my age, maybe I'm actually incredibly normal. Or maybe I'm better than normal, maybe I'm fantastic, I have no idea.
I don't know. I'm rambling, I know. I can't really word what I'm trying to say, but maybe if someone else has felt this way, they'll read between the lines and get where I'm going.
I hope so. Thanks for reading.
|10-19-2007, 09:19 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2007
I don't know how old you are but there used to be a hugely successful late-night talk show host named Johnny Carson who hosted The Tonight Show for three decades. He was arguably the best talk show host to ever have a program.
Even he, after three decades of hosting the show, once confided in an interview that someone, somewhere, would realize that he - Carson - really didn't know what he was doing and they'd call him on it.
Nothing of the sort happened, of course, but it just goes to show that even the best, the brightest and the most successful often have these little niggling doubts about themselves and their achievements.
It's natural, it's normal, and it's nothing to be concerned about.
|10-20-2007, 01:30 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2007
Personally i do have such experience. Tefarako, i guess you must be a student. I recall my school life. I was popular because of my involvement in extra-curricular activities (though i was not really good in study) and i enjoy the attention i am getting. Yet deep inside me i always feel inadequate, perhaps because i know that i didn't deserve the attention i am getting since i am not reli doing well in study. (i always thinks that those brilliant kids ought to be popular).
And now that i am working, i love my job and i know i perform very well in my job. i am capable in accomplishing tasks that most colleagues were not able to. I am very popular among my clients. YET, i somehow feel inadequate, the 'alien sensation' among colleagues is always there. I prefer to work alone and keep myself to a very few good friends. I have nothing against the rest in the office but i just don't feel like connecting to them. It's like i always pretend to be close and sociable with them, the fact is i am not.
I'm not sure if my case identifies with your, Tefaroko. If it does, then just know that you are not alone. I learn to be comfortable with the way i am.
|10-20-2007, 02:27 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
I've experienced this before, infact once for a little bit just a few days ago.
For me at least, this was due to the fact that I felt I lacked a purpose.
People might think socializing has no purpose, but it does. It's to vibe off each other and pump each other's emotional states. Basically enjoy each other's company.
I was feeling try-hard like I had to do something to get attention, and that not having attention was bad.
Define your purpose when you socialize. Not before every interaction, but just in general, like say when you're at home or reviewing your own goals.
Me? I socialize to vibe and build off each other in the moment, primarily. I also do it primarily to have as much FUN as humanly possible. Secondarily, I socialize to make new friends and see how we can fit into each others lives. Socializing can ground everyone involved and get them outside their heads. It's why I enjoy it so much: It's like an outwardly directed meditation.
|10-20-2007, 12:39 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
tefaroko - As others have pointed out, periodic self doubt occurs regardless of what level of maturity, success or achievement we attain in life. You can minimize it, though, by always being authentic.
Think of what happens if you tell a lie. Additional lies are required to support the first. Tons of energy is expended in keeping up with the fictional narrative and making sure the story remains cohesive. Where as always telling the truth is really quite easy. You don't have to work at it so hard because it is truth. (Like your resume metaphor).
Living authentically is like that. When you know who you are and you be who you are, you cut down on the episodes of feeling inadequate.
Continue to learn, embrace and fully embody your authentic self. The bonus is by doing so you will attract other authentic folks into your experience.
|10-20-2007, 06:42 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
I assume you are young, T, like under 25. My only point is that I used to get those weird mental/physical feelings too from about 13 to my mid 20's. I have no explanation for them but they just stopped after awhile.
I personally think it's some weird physiological growth thing like a hormone-brain-consciousness maturing process. Mine felt actually physical and somewhat less mental/emotional and I think if it is some actual physiological issue, many people make the mistake of thinking it's all mental and end up wigging out or, God-forbid, going on some ridiculous drug to make it stop.
It was like a switch would flip and I felt almost out-of-body. Depressed for no reason. Scared over nothing. Not quite a panic attack because no one else could tell. I certainly couldn't figure out what the cause was. I think the positive flip side description would be called an epiphany, if you have ever had one. What I had was like the anti-epiphany.
After awhile, I just blew them off. I always woke up the next day back to normal and then they just sort of quit coming.
I wouldn't freak out about it.
|10-20-2007, 08:19 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Quentin Tarantino said that, every few years, he feels like a total failure and thinks his past movies are ♥♥♥♥♥ and he becomes super depressed. And then...he made Kill Bill.
It seems a lot of people go through cycles. I know I do, and I think this will happen for the rest of my life. But instead of feeling bad about it, I accept it as a part of life...sometimes you're in the spring, sometimes you're in the winter. One's not better or worse. Just different.
|10-20-2007, 10:03 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
These guys are right.
Just take these feelings as all part of the process.
As a note, your feelings might also be how you feel about your environment. You're looking for an external reason to be happy and you don't find it in a boring class, so you feel fake. The advice on being authentic is spot on. Know who you want to be and then be that person everyday. Think how they would think. "What would my ideal self do/feel/think at this moment?"
Become internally validated. You don't need a reason to feel happy. It's a natural human state. Don't think about it.
|10-20-2007, 10:17 PM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
It's called "Imposter Syndrome". I was amazed when I found out how many people at one of the top US blue-chip company I was working at had this. These people seemed hugely successful, but if you got talking to them deeply they were all worried about being 'found out'.
When you feel like an imposter, it is because you are comparing your insides to everyone's outsides. That is, you don't see how other people are feeling because they are presenting this cool, slick exterior.
I read a great book this week about being authentic. Presence
I would recommend it as it describes how to create an authentic connection with others and yourself.
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