What is the most loving response to pessimism?

[C33]

I have loving friends who worry about me. I know they want me to be happy and they are there for me, now, that I have health problems.

Their worrying is not constructive and is not encouraging me to take action.
They tend to tell me that I am a dreamer, when I speak positively or excitedly about my goals.Their view of life is: do what you can do, not what you wish to do. It makes me feel very angry, like a form of sabotage.

I know that they do not mean harm and their friendship has a very positive impact on my life. So far, my strategy has been to nod a lot and say thank you for your advice, with no intent of following it,or to defend myself by restating my goals in a positive way, however it sounded a bit like justifying. My goals seemed very weak after their pessimistic statements, like the vibration of what they said weakened my purpose.

What kind of strategy would be the most loving and caring? How could I express respect for their advice, thankfulness for their concern? I am sure there is a way that would benefit them as much as it benefits me.

[Angela]

It might help you and your loved ones if you deliver your goals to them in a way that inspires them (and you). To do that, you can describe what your wishes, goals, and intentions are giving you right now that make a difference in your life and the lives of others. So, rather than going on about the future outcome of your goal, you would allow the way of being that it gives you to fulfill you in the moment that you're talking, and watch that way of being spread.

For instance, I dream of being a published author, my words moving, inspiring, and amusing masses of people! It's possible that I will die before my book gets published. But right now, being present to my dream, the possibility of being able to put words in writing that lead people to feel free, or that make people cry (in a good way, hopefully! ); that light up a realization in someone that she is connected to me and to all of us and is not alone; or that has a person burst out laughing -- well, that inspires and moves me. That feeling of possibility feels pretty darned good, and I want to know what makes you feel pretty darned good, too.

I'm talking about the real possibility you have, your real desire to BE a certain way (loving, free, joyful, inspirational, vital, etc.) that lies underneath the external goal.

When your family & friends can see that possibility on your face -- when you can really make it present for them -- they'll be right there with you in making it real, right then in the moment.

Best wishes to you, and wishing you boatloads of vitality and healing green energy.

Love,
angela

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by C33

Their view of life is: do what you can do, not what you wish to do.

Is this something they have said? If so, you can use it directly. If they haven't, the following will only antagonize them, so a grain of salt, if you will.

What can you do? You can dream, imagine,

What do they wish? To keep you "on the ground".

So, ask them to follow their own advice.

To follow up on what Angela said, oftentimes, you will need others' help to achieve your dreams. Take your friends' pessimism as an opportunity to learn how to turn others to you. Learn how to pitch and persuade, to inspire others with it, etc. It's a terribly useful skill, and one that dreamers tend to lack all too much.

Speaking from experience, me.

[C33]

Thank you very much for constructive and inspiring advice.

I will most definitely work on pitching my goals to others, and to get them on my team.

[JimOfferman]

When I first voiced my desire to pursue a career in music to my friends and family, it was met with a lot of pessimism. It felt like all they could see were the thousands of ways in which I could possibly fail to achieve my goal. Some support!

Once I had made very clear that I would rather try and fail than not try at all, most of the concern went away. I guess they weren't really trying to discourage me, but rather needed to be reassured that I had considered the possibility of failure. They had to know that I wasn't going to pursue this all starry eyed and blind sighted.

Of course, nowadays they buy me iPods with "Hold on to your dreams, Jim" engraved on the back for my birthdays... go figure

[hollowman]

Originally Posted by C33

So far, my strategy has been to nod a lot and say thank you for your advice, with no intent of following it,or to defend myself by restating my goals in a positive way, however it sounded a bit like justifying. My goals seemed very weak after their pessimistic statements, like the vibration of what they said weakened my purpose.

.

I think you should speak up your dream with passion. Why should your strategy be 'nod a lot,..... with no intent of following it'? I cant live with that very long, having to pretend as if what they said make sense but it's just not true at all.

And no, you shouldn't let their 'down-to-earth advise' to weaken and dampen your determination to achieve your goal. I am sure you may find that some of their concern to be true, but i am confident that even you realise that, you still have that zeal to pursue your dream. So tell them, you have thought of their concern, yet there are ways you can go about it. It might be tough but it's worth every drop of sweat. Tell them, you would rather fail trying, rather than fail not trying at all.

Probably there are some idols you adore for their enthusiasm in pursuing their dreams. Tell your friends about it.

Proclaim your dreams with courage. If your friends keep showering you with wimps and excuses, it's high time to find new friends.