|10-10-2007, 01:17 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
This is where my story is now.. please help
I found this forum, and I think it's filled with intelligent people, who might give me a really good opinion and feedback about what I'm going to talk / ask about.
Honestly, I'm writing this now because I'm at a low point, but I'm not always this low - in fact I'm usually very positive and optimistic, but I don't have anyone to really depend on for emotional support.
The focal point of concern is that I'm a 27 year old male virgin. But before some of you tell me about where I can find the PUA university, hear me out. It's not so much about consolation, but advice on what to do next that I need help on.
I think I've had a great life, other than the no-sex part. I grew up a nerd, and became a alcoholic in college, but after college I straightened out, got a great career, even had a spiritual and personal development awakening. I live a clean life now, and i'm still having a great life filled with friends, fun, laughter. I'm still a geek but I'm proud of it - I obsess over my passions like anime and martial arts, I still live at home (as is common with people from my country) but I have a great relationship with family.
However in the past, due to a combination of my physical insecurities (I have always been overweight and made fun of for it) and my parent's tight leash and passing on of conservative values, going for a girlfriend was always difficult. It didn't help that the male-to-female ratio wherever I was was really bad, and almost all the girls I met were borderline-psycho. I've never been into having a relationship to waste time, emotions and effort. It was always the long-term that I had in sight.
Anyways, now my folks are trying to get me into an arranged marraige with someone they can find from my own community and religion. I'm agreeable to that, simply because I have no options of my own. I haven't found anyone with whom I wanted to be with, despite the social networking I did here. My parents are open to me finding someone, provided she is from the same religion as mine, and her family's compatible, etc etc. But I know (and they've told me this at times) that they wouldn't be as comfortable with people with different value systems than ours.
I do want to get married and settle down (I know in the states,you can do so anytime, but where I'm from, it's sort of been imbibed in me that it's the right time for me to get married and work on building a foundation before we have kids) but the arranged marraige candidate hunt isn't working so well either. I'm using the Law of Attraction to manifest the perfect girl for me, but it's times like these when I have the negative thoughts I shouldn't be able to afford.
Another thing is the conflict of belief systems. I've been brought up as a mish-mash of western and eastern values - learnt from friends/peers/family/religion. On one hand I do believe premarital sex isn't something we should really be indulging in, and on the other it's hard on a few days to reconcile with the fact that my peers have had a decade more of sex than I have. What really bums me out is when I talk to people whose world and self worth revolves around it - because I'm not quite the achiever in thier world. Usually I stay away from these types, but it's not always possible.
Anyways, what should I do? continue with the arranged marraige search? Or start again hunting myself for some relationship (I don't think girls out there are looking for serious stuff to start with, and though I can go ahead, it's difficult knowing that I'm going in with a slight handicap i.e. my past or lack thereof)
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