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Honeywith4bees · 10-09-2007, 02:50 PM

So I took my two younger kids away for the weekend to do some "little kid stuff" and we had a really fun time! My oldest son, who turns 16 this month, begged me not to send him to his Dad's house (who lives about 1/2 hour away) while I was gone. His Dad has some troubles and the two don't get along too well. So I arranged with my friend down the street to have my son for the night. My friend checked in with my son via telephone a couple times, we pre-arranged a curfew time, which my son complied with, everything seemed to go smoothly.

On the way home I called my son and he immediatly confessed that he and my friends son had invited some kids to my backyard for a "get together" and it got out of hand. My friends son built a campfire (next to 100 acres of conservation land that is dry as a bone) and the fire got so big that the neighbors spotted it and callled the cops. The cops came but not before my son's best friend got wacked in the head with a pipe by some kids who had heard that there was a party and just showed up to start trouble for fun.

My son said that when the rumour got out at school that I was going away for the weekend, things just when crazy with kids calling everone they knew! I called the police when I got home and he said it's happening all the time now. A kid tells a couple kids that their parents are going away and things just get totally out of control.

I'm mad at my kid but glad he told me the truth and glad that things didn't turn out worse.

I'm so mad at all these kids that just think it's ok to show up at a strangers house and do whatever they want including wacking other people with pipes!!

Sorry, I needed to vent about this. I've been spending so much time trying to manifest peace and balance in my life and this is what I get? What is the lesson in this????

Zukin · 10-09-2007, 03:15 PM

Maybe it's an indicator of future peace and balance.

Strong parent-child relationships are formed when both parties are able to feel truthful and supportive toward one another.

It sounds like your son learned an important lesson that will inspire him to try more peaceful activities from now on.

NotesMaeve · 10-09-2007, 03:23 PM

Oh my. That's pretty damn funny. It's also got me reconsidering if I want children.

Isn't this exactly what you wanted? The ability to have the sort of peace and respect in your relationship where your son feels he can be honest?

Your son is approaching adulthood, and part of that is learning to manage social gatherings. It was a good experience. Let's try again! Go away for a couple hours. Let him have a FEW friends over and clarify you won't be interrupting, but no extra characters should pop up. Giving your son the opportunity for freedom will give him the chance to develop social graces that'll stick with him throughout life.

Honeywith4bees · 10-09-2007, 07:34 PM

There were times when I thought it was funny too. 'Course I was careful not to let my son see that. But mostly I was upset. The boy who took 12 stitches in the face because of some violent action really upsets me. It seems that even though I had parties when my parents went away and got away with it, now the stakes are higher and the damage can be so much more severe. I'm glad my kid can talk to me but sometimes it irks me that they can do such dangerous stuff and as long as they are honest about it, feel like they are off the hook. He did get a consequence, but not too severe, because I don't think he meant for it to get so out of hand.

Brutha · 10-09-2007, 09:26 PM

Perhaps you should allow your son to party with a few friends he knows from time to time, to prevent him from feeling to party "out of control" when you don't know that he makes a party.

Honeywith4bees · 10-09-2007, 11:11 PM

He actually had permission to have friends over and have a bonfire at my friends house down the street where he was staying. Doing something sneaky was more fun and I understand that because I've been there and did that.
Things got out of control when kids he didn't know started broadcasting the event to everyone they knew and thats the part that sucks. How can kids do the expirementing that they need to do these days without things just snowballing out of control?

JimOfferman · 10-10-2007, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

How can kids do the expirementing that they need to do these days without things just snowballing out of control?

That too is something your son has to learn through trial and error. From the sound of it, he wasn't too pleased with things spiraling out of control either and I am sure that next time he'll be more careful about who to let in on the party.

10-09-2007, 02:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
Honeywith4bees Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 861	My kid had a party when I went away So I took my two younger kids away for the weekend to do some "little kid stuff" and we had a really fun time! My oldest son, who turns 16 this month, begged me not to send him to his Dad's house (who lives about 1/2 hour away) while I was gone. His Dad has some troubles and the two don't get along too well. So I arranged with my friend down the street to have my son for the night. My friend checked in with my son via telephone a couple times, we pre-arranged a curfew time, which my son complied with, everything seemed to go smoothly. On the way home I called my son and he immediatly confessed that he and my friends son had invited some kids to my backyard for a "get together" and it got out of hand. My friends son built a campfire (next to 100 acres of conservation land that is dry as a bone) and the fire got so big that the neighbors spotted it and callled the cops. The cops came but not before my son's best friend got wacked in the head with a pipe by some kids who had heard that there was a party and just showed up to start trouble for fun. My son said that when the rumour got out at school that I was going away for the weekend, things just when crazy with kids calling everone they knew! I called the police when I got home and he said it's happening all the time now. A kid tells a couple kids that their parents are going away and things just get totally out of control. I'm mad at my kid but glad he told me the truth and glad that things didn't turn out worse. I'm so mad at all these kids that just think it's ok to show up at a strangers house and do whatever they want including wacking other people with pipes!! Sorry, I needed to vent about this. I've been spending so much time trying to manifest peace and balance in my life and this is what I get? What is the lesson in this????

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10-09-2007, 03:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
Zukin Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 728	Maybe it's an indicator of future peace and balance. Strong parent-child relationships are formed when both parties are able to feel truthful and supportive toward one another. It sounds like your son learned an important lesson that will inspire him to try more peaceful activities from now on.

10-09-2007, 03:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
NotesMaeve Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sacramento, CA Posts: 937	Oh my. That's pretty damn funny. It's also got me reconsidering if I want children. Isn't this exactly what you wanted? The ability to have the sort of peace and respect in your relationship where your son feels he can be honest? Your son is approaching adulthood, and part of that is learning to manage social gatherings. It was a good experience. Let's try again! Go away for a couple hours. Let him have a FEW friends over and clarify you won't be interrupting, but no extra characters should pop up. Giving your son the opportunity for freedom will give him the chance to develop social graces that'll stick with him throughout life.

10-09-2007, 07:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
Honeywith4bees Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 861	There were times when I thought it was funny too. 'Course I was careful not to let my son see that. But mostly I was upset. The boy who took 12 stitches in the face because of some violent action really upsets me. It seems that even though I had parties when my parents went away and got away with it, now the stakes are higher and the damage can be so much more severe. I'm glad my kid can talk to me but sometimes it irks me that they can do such dangerous stuff and as long as they are honest about it, feel like they are off the hook. He did get a consequence, but not too severe, because I don't think he meant for it to get so out of hand.

10-09-2007, 09:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
Brutha Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 8,749	Perhaps you should allow your son to party with a few friends he knows from time to time, to prevent him from feeling to party "out of control" when you don't know that he makes a party.

10-09-2007, 11:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
Honeywith4bees Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 861	He actually had permission to have friends over and have a bonfire at my friends house down the street where he was staying. Doing something sneaky was more fun and I understand that because I've been there and did that. Things got out of control when kids he didn't know started broadcasting the event to everyone they knew and thats the part that sucks. How can kids do the expirementing that they need to do these days without things just snowballing out of control?

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums