Who do you open up to?

[tefaroko]

Just a general question. I have recently been told by a number of people that I am essentially a closed book. I tell no one, anything at all about me. I hadn't realized I was doing this, but what my immediate feeling was that there just wasn't anyone "right" for telling in my life. Does that make sense?

The general question that I have is just, who do you personally open up to?

I have no desire to be a machine, or macho, or project the image I have quite obviously been projecting. However, I don't feel like everyone on the planet wants to know about your deepest-darkest thoughts, childhood, or whatever else. So how do you differentiate between who you should tell, and who you shouldn't? Do you wait to be asked?

Furthermore, what percentage of your life story, would you say, have you shared? I'm thinking outside of my parents, I've shared between 5 and 10%.

Thanks for any and all answers/help/suggestions/etc.

[JimOfferman]

Short answer: I open up to everyone who is interested. I'm comfortable with sharing almost everything (except my PIN number), but it can't be a one way street. If you want to hear the stupidest thing I've ever done, you better be prepared to tell me your craziest move also.

How do you know who to tell what? Just follow your instinct! If the conversation flows from the mundane to more personal stuff and it feels alright to share, share. If it doesn't feel right, change the subject! Works for me

Jim.

[Love]

Hi Tefakora.

I'm working on this too. Like you, I didn't even realize that I was closed. Now I try and release tidbits about myself into the conversation. I'm getting better at it. It may help you to start slow. Like you said, not everyone needs to know that your deepest-darkest secrets. Hmm, but you like the Red Soxs? Okay. You have a weird habit of eating ice? Ok.
You know, the little things.

[Erock]

I think there is a time and place to open up to people, and you shouldn't open up to everybody. I say this because I know a few people who will tell everyone all their deepest darkest secrets (I guess they aren't really secrets) and it definitely comes from a place of insecurity. I personally feel uncomfortable around people that just start telling me stuff that I don't know if I want to hear, and then expect me to reciprocate with equal experiences or feelings.

With that in mind, I find a lot of times when I'm one on one with someone, the conversation will natural get a little deeper and that's a perfectly fine way to open up to somebody. I'd say don't force it, it will happen on its own if you are getting to know someone.

Erock

[cdn2wheeler]

I used to be pretty much an open book, but found that being so open with my feelings, desires and inner thoughts wasn't necessarily a very good idea.

Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't erupt in a burst of tears anytime someone said, "Hey, howzitgoan?" nor would I saunter up to some fine young woman and say, "I find you attractive and would like to take you back to my place and (insert your own sexual connotation here)." {oddly enough, I did try this a couple of times just for kicks... the results were, uh, better than I expected... not sure why}

That said, I used to be much more open.

I've since come to realize that - rightly or wrongly - that I'm far better off just keeping my mouth shut. My personal default used to be openness; now it's caution. Want me to open up to you? I will, but you have to earn that right first.