Feel like a loser

[L_G]

I love my husband, But it seems my husband still has feeling for his ex
He enjoys talking with her, listening to her and supports her financially as well. He spent more money on her than on me. He cannot refuse any favor asked by her.
When we fight, he sometimes said that I am not as good as his ex. It hurts.
(His ex dumped him.)
I feel like a loser .

How could I stop feeling like a loser?

[Christian223]

You could use EFT, its great to get rid of negative emotions, try it, the link is at my sig and also try Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique to see some videos to get started quicker, good luck.

[Erki]

I dunno... to me it seems more like it's your hubby who's sort of a loser...

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

My first reaction is to agree wholeheartedly with Erki!

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It does seem that your husband is a little preoccupied with his ex. It could be that he still has feelings for her, or that he simply didn't get the often mentioned closure to that relationship that would have made it easy to move on. Since I don't know complete circumstances or the parties involved, I definitely can't say for sure.

My advice would be to work on yourself and get to the root of this loser feeling. Nothing your husband does or doesn't do has any bearing on your status as loser or non-loser. His words and actions surely bite, but that is his own responsibility. Aside from having a frank conversation with him about how his actions make you feel, there is not much you can do to make him stop. I would suggest working on yourself to the point where you can be happy with or without any input from him and regardless of what he does. At that point, the point where you are not relying on his actions to decide how you feel, you will be better equiped to look at this situation and decide what you want to do.

Have you spoken to him about how this bothers you? If so, what was his reaction? If his reaction is one of ambivalence to your feelings with no desire to make an effort for the sake of your marriage, it would be my vote to separate. If he until now has not known how this is affecting you (and if you haven't explicitly said so that is probably the case), I would give him the opportunity to work out a plan with you that will make you both comfortable.

[ZHereford]

I agree with both Erki and Aspiring.

Did you get together with your husband when he was on the rebound?
It sounds like he never came to terms with being dumped by his ex which is why he jumps whenever she calls. It also sounds like she is taking advantage of the situation.

If I were you I would definitely discuss this with him, however as Aspiring has noted this is not about you being a loser at all. If you have self-confidence problems this isn't the cause of them, it's just bringing them to the forefront. Take time to do some soul searching and realize that you are a worthy, lovable person with or without him. Start by loving yourself!

[Jim11]

I don't mean to be an alarmist, but what your husband is saying to you is unacceptable. You absolutely need to confront him about it, tell him it is unacceptable, and if he doesn't understand why then he has a problem, not you.

If they were just slips from him then perhaps it's something he can work on. Controlling his speech, etc. But if it's something you think he believes then you have a lot of work to do!

One other thing to note. It isn't desirable to live in a relationship like that and "try and stop feeling like a loser". He needs to be a whole lot more respectful, and that's all there is to it.

Like a woman who is abused wondering how she can be a better wife so that her husband doesn't get mad.

take care

Jim

[L_G]

Thank you very much for your replies.
I am given the light to see that what aspiring said that my husband (probably)simply didn't get the often mentioned closure to that relationship that would have made it easy to move on.

It might explain that he was so upset when his ex got married this year.

If so, what could I possibly do to get him out? or just leave him where he is?

Thank you again for your light!

[andrew]

In reality, it's his issues, but you need to handle it better. Realize that it's him putting you don't because of his jealousy and insecurity, not because you are actually a loser. Know, don't think, that you are an amazing person that has nothing to prove. Stand up for yourself and draw the line. I don't know the situation, but I agree with jim. Harsh things are said when fighting, so you have to be a bit forgivable.