Awkward silences

[PokerEnthusiast]

Hi, im a 20 year old guy currently attending university. One of my main goals in life right now besides doing well in school is making new friends and more importantly, starting a meaningful relationship with a special girl.

The reason I am here asking for some advice is because I have always had trouble keeping conversations going with people. I am not afraid to approach new people (in my classes for example) and start making small talk about the course that we're in but after that I am left with nothing to say and this usually results in the dreaded "awkward silince". Can you help me think of iteresting things to say in situations like this or other ways to keep conversations going. I would like to make friends with people I meet but im not sure how to let them know that without sounding corny(for lack of a better word).

One more thing I'd like some advice for is this really cute girl I met in class the other day. We talked about the course and about school in general and I could tell that she was really into me because she was laughing and smiling at me alot. We exchanged emails and I'm going to ask her if she wants to get a coffee with me either before or after class next week. What I'm afraid of though, is that if I meet her for coffee I will have nothing to say and there will be "awkward silences". I mean, there is only so much we can talk about regarding shcool and I don't know what else to talk about.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Zukin]

Here's some tips:

How to Fill Awkward Silences - wikiHow

How do you handle awkward silences? - Yahoo! Answers

You can also create the awkward turtle:
Urban Dictionary: awkward turtle

Of course, this is just for basic interpersonal interactions. I have no idea if it works for romantic interactions. You may want to check out the seduction community for that:
Seduction community - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[PokerEnthusiast]

Also, it might be helpful for me to mention that I have no experience with with dating girls. I kinda had a girlfriend for a little while back in grade 5 or 6 when I was like 12 or something but its totally different now since there's no more shcool dances or spin-the-bottle parties

I know that the reason why I never got into a serious relationship with a girl after that is because of this problem I have with talking to people. And the fact that I'm now 20 and I still don't have a girlfriend is REALLY killing me.

[Matthew Shea]

Keeping conversations going is mostly about self confidence or, more accurately, lack of self consciousness. When you're too focused on yourself and making sure you're doing everything "just right" and so forth, you'll get distracted from what you should be thinking about: responding to the person you're talking to. That's what causes those silences.

The solution is obviously a lot more easily said than done, but you have to forget yourself. Be confident and don't worry about making the exact right impression. Be yourself and let your thoughts flow naturally and know that not everyone is going to be a perfect partner so it's perfectly OK if one or the other of you decides that a relationship isn't the best thing.

[JimOfferman]

Also, drop the idea that (akward) silences are bad per se. The silence may just signify that a particular subject was exhausted (for now at least). It can also be an opportunity to move a conversation from small talk to, say, the I-like-you-do-you-like-me level. Or maybe you just needed to take a moment to stare at the beautiful (wo)man you're conversing with...

Point is, all conversations eb and flow. The good ones do anyway

Jim.

[Johnny5]

Hi there,

In conversation, Listening and try to understand the other person is important.

You should start with a "Hi or Hello".
Next_
You ask the other person "How was your day?" instead of the "How are doing? or what's up?" like everybody else in the world.... so be different from other people.

Then_
If the other person reply you with "I had a bad day."

You response "I'm sorry to hear that....what's happen?" or another question would be "what did you do?"

If the other person reply you with "I had a great day"

You response "good, what did you do?"
--------
Learn to shut up and listen, then ask a few direct and specific question...

Don't ever use the "How are you doing? or "what's up?" they are so general and become dead end when you start them.

Be specific like "How was your weekend?" "How was your Christmas Holiday?"

"How was your class?" "How was your school work?" "What is your major?" "who gave the inspiration to take that kind of subject?" "what do you really like about it?"

When you ask specific question, the other feel that you care, you like, and you want to know about specific things. In conversation, you need to listen to the story of the other person first, before you share your story. Learn to be specific and direct... you will be surprise those questions help you in conversation.

Also in dealing with people on the job is the same thing....be specific and direct....your question will be answer. your request will get result...

Best Regards,

Johnny

[m18pak]

If you want to carry on a conversation, you must be comfortable talking about seemingly unrelated subjects. eg. one moment you're talking about work, then you talk about what types of music you like etc...

Think of a stand-up comedian. The things he talks about have nothing to do with each other. But you don't notice, or care if you do notice. Why? Because IT DOESN'T MATTER.

Most guys make this mistake. THEY TRY TOO HARD. Conversation is just conversation: it does not have to flow perfectly smoothly with subtle hooks between subjects or whatever. When you talk to your friends, are you desperately working out in your head what you're going to say next?

Be relaxed. Talk normally. Masturbate beforehand if you are that edgy or something.

What you must have is either complete faith, or total indifference. Either you must not care whether you get her or not, or you must know for certain that she is desperately craving your body.

If you really really really don't want to **** it up, then it's guaranteed that you will.

This is what confidence means: either faith or indifference.

[andrew]

Teaching you how to have a conversation using a template may help, but unless you were raised isolated for society, it's a bit elementary. (to me anyways).

To avoid awkward silences you need a few things:
1. Get over the fact silences are awkward, or that they need to be avoided.
2. Be interesting and creative! If you're dull and boring, and talk about class every time you talk,it ain't happening.
3. Talk about sex as soon as appropriately possible. This is powerful! But most guys go bout it all the wrong way and act like pervs. This is not what you want. Clever and appropriate innuendoes and remarks about sex, and even straight up sex talk is great. You need to be able to read the situation to make sure it's appropriate, don't look like a perv! It's about having fun and showing you're confident and comfortable talking about it.
4. Blame her or make it apparent. Also purposely do it to see if SHE can keep it up. You don't need to do all the work my man, in fact, the less you do the better.
5. Don't giggle to break the tension. This one is really hard to break, but laughing to release tension does display lower status.

Hope this helps!

[andrew]

Originally Posted by m18pak

If you want to carry on a conversation, you must be comfortable talking about seemingly unrelated subjects. eg. one moment you're talking about work, then you talk about what types of music you like etc...

Think of a stand-up comedian. The things he talks about have nothing to do with each other. But you don't notice, or care if you do notice. Why? Because IT DOESN'T MATTER.

Most guys make this mistake. THEY TRY TOO HARD. Conversation is just conversation: it does not have to flow perfectly smoothly with subtle hooks between subjects or whatever. When you talk to your friends, are you desperately working out in your head what you're going to say next?

Be relaxed. Talk normally. Masturbate beforehand if you are that edgy or something.

What you must have is either complete faith, or total indifference. Either you must not care whether you get her or not, or you must know for certain that she is desperately craving your body.

If you really really really don't want to **** it up, then it's guaranteed that you will.

This is what confidence means: either faith or indifference.

I agree 95%, except masturbation. When I have all that extra sexual energy built up, I'm a machine, I channel it into fun spunkiness.

[hollowman]

i know this is awkward and i am not so familiar with internet stuff

can someone please tell me how to post a new thread?? Like posting a question from myself instead of just replying what i have been reading??

Please... thank u.

[Freelancer]

What works for me;
Blank mind, STOP thinking (main problem most off the time) and say whatever comes up first.
If nothing comes up, start with 'did you know that ....' or 'look at .... how weird' or 'Yesterday/today I did ....' or 'BUYAAAA' while throwing your arms in the air and THEN saying whatever comes to mind (after you both stop laughing ).

Point being;
Doesn't really matter what you say.

[NotesMaeve]

I recently had about 48 hours of awkward silence from my to be sister-in-law.

At the end of it, I said, "Look, I know you feel strangely about me. When you want to talk to me or try to understand my motivations, I want to listen to you, but you don't get to be mean and ignore me just because you don't like the situation. Your attitude isn't going to change anything."

She woke me up to chat later.

This isn't to say she understands or agrees with my motivations now, but we can be peaceful, and she accepts that I am not a monster. I assured her that I'll grow on her in the next 40 years.

[tefaroko]

I actually make light of the awkward silence, usually. If you're even slightly funny you can make a comment that will make the silence humorous.

Maybe a little "You know, everytime theres an awkward silence, _____________"

You can then fill that in with any of the following:

an angel gets thrown down a flight of steps
God kills a puppy
an American Idol contestant is born
Satan gets a little stronger

Etc.

9 out of 10 times, the other person is thinking the same thing you are, and will only laugh if you mention the silence. I have found this 100% more effective than groping for something to talk about, and winding up paddling myself out in to a conversation that winds up sounding crazy.

[Carl Carlson IV]

I like to talk about random things during an awkward silence. If all goes well, it won't become even more awkward. I guess it depends on the person, sometimes I get really weird looks and other times I get roars of laughter. (How awkward is the word awkward, I mean if that wasn't planned or anything...)

[Fullcrum]

Check the real social dynamics blog...amazing positivity and focus on women and dating. I actually found Pavlina from the RSD forum, which, besides this one, are the only two forums I've ever been on with a high degree of positive energy and growth.

[Rose of Cairo]

Just one detail: I don't think talking about sex on the first date is a good idea.

When I'm talking with a man I don't know well and he starts talking about sex, there are two possibilities: First possibility, he's relaxed talking about it, and then it's very unlikely that something will happen between us. He's going to be a friend, if something. I talk with men about sex, but usually the men I talk about sex with are not the men I have sex with. Of course when I already have sex with them, I can talk about it. But not before this happened. Don't know why, but talking about sex in a relaxed manner destroys the sexual tension that was present, if some was present. That's a major turn-off for me. Second possibility, he's not relaxed talking about it, that's an even bigger turn-off. I'll perceive him as sexually needy and dump him immediately.

ok, that's just me. I don't know how other women react.

To the silences: don't worry about them... They can be very pleasant from the moment you stop thinking they are awkward. Just relax, look at the other person, feel them, smile, or look at the world around you... Maybe you're feeling uncomfortable because you're thinking of what you could say, instead of listening to the other person. If you're really interested in the other person, you'll think of something you'd like to ask, or the other person will say something. Sometimes you need silence in order to receive these ideas. When you're relaxed, conversation will flow. This doesn't mean that you have to talk all the time. I personally like silences. I don't like people who talk nonstop all the time I see them. True friends are those I can be silent with Being together and saying nothing, just enjoying the moment and the company of the other person, is great