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09-20-2007, 07:57 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 62
 |  friend who is shy & depressed
i have a friend who i initially met online on a forum we were on together for about a year. i really liked her posts & thought we were a lot a like which resulted in me asking her out. so we can get to know each other more. it turns out she's very shy & depressed. every time she talks about what she wants to do, & i tell her to go for it, she always says she's just much too shy & depressed. she talks about her past a lot & has had a rough childhood. sometimes she even seems overly critical of others and is just disrespectful of me like when she leaves, she doesn't even say "bye." she tells me it's just her constructed wall... so she doesn't get hurt by anyone. i can completely understand that, but i don't know if i should continue allowing this? sometimes all her behavior makes me feel as if she's testing to see just how much bs i can take, but i also want to give her that benefit of a doubt... that she's just protecting herself being this way. one thing i like about her is her honesty about herself. she seems like an open book whereas with other friends, i always have a sense that they're holding back. i guess right now i'm questioning the type of friends i want to have in my life. i would definitely appreciate any insight into this. thank you! |
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09-21-2007, 11:17 AM
| #2 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 1,823
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Hey Konmai, First of all, I think there is nothing you can do to help this friend of yours, other than be the best friend you can be for her. In the end, the shyness and depression are her problems and only she can overcome them if she wants to. Only she has the power to turn her life around! Quote:
 Jim.
__________________ Jim Offerman ~ inspirational piano pop for you blog - twitter - free music - join the fan club! | |
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09-21-2007, 12:51 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 138
| Quote:
She probably is in complain / venting mode, rather than change mode. Unless you want to be her therapist I think you are on the right track at the end. Using this experience as a mirror to your own situation is probably what will help the relationship best in the long-term anyway. | |
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09-21-2007, 03:24 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 49
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Tell her to join this site or others like it, there are a few such as (.: The Community for Excellence :.) where she can get support for her depression and shyness and hope to improve her life generally, online groups like this are great.
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09-21-2007, 11:38 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 4,985
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What kind of conversations do you have with her? Face to face? Phone? IM? Do you live in the same country?
__________________ I am always open for feedback on my posts. If your feedback would go offtopic feel free to send me a Personal Message. My posts generally don't contain medical or legal advice, if you have a problem seek the opinion of an expert Talking about this in terms of “bad news” or “bad judgment by business leaders” seems archaic. It’s like describing World War One as “a serious diplomatic concern.” Bruce Sterling about the financial crisis. |
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09-22-2007, 01:00 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 62
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thanks everyone for the responses. i really appreciate it, & they do resonate with me. i will apply it when making a final choice about my relationship with her. currently, we only talk on IM. we're going to spend thanksgiving break together, which i'm starting to think maybe that's not such a good idea after all, if we're at this ambivalent point online. there's something about her that resonates with me a lot in that her stories are similar to mine, but i have chosen a different path from hers. i'm leaning towards allowing her to be while thinking of ways not to allow her to pull me down at the same time. we're in the same country & about an hour driving distance away from each other. |
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love that quote!
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