Can anyone help me with this?

[Phil Parkinson]

I met and slept with a girl one year ago when i was on holiday in Dubai.

We have stayed in touch on Facebook... I know she is into me.

I am due to go back to Dubai in October to see my best mate.

I don't feel anything for this girl, but I know if i tell her that she will be really upset.

Even if i do tell her, she will want to come out with me every night and this will mean I can't chat to other girls...

What should I do?

It's a bit of a lame question because I already know what I should do... COMMUNICATE... Grow some balls and just tell her that I am here to see my best mate and we can go out one night but that I am not interested in anything more happening. I just wondered if anyone else had any ideas.

P x

[Angela]

Are you sure she'll be upset if you tell her, or that she'll want to go out with you every night even if you do? Is it possible that in a year things have grown different for her in any number of ways? Maybe you're worried about something that's not even a problem, except in your anticipation of it.

Even if she is holding a torch for you after a year, I think she'd be better off knowing the truth rather than wondering. You would be doing her a favor by being straight with her, even if it does hurt a bit in the moment.

p.s., I just read Steve's column about reaction and response -- have you read that yet? It's right on topic.

[Phil Parkinson]

Originally Posted by Angela

Are you sure she'll be upset if you tell her, or that she'll want to go out with you every night even if you do? Is it possible that in a year things have grown different for her in any number of ways? Maybe you're worried about something that's not even a problem, except in your anticipation of it.

Even if she is holding a torch for you after a year, I think she'd be better off knowing the truth rather than wondering. You would be doing her a favor by being straight with her, even if it does hurt a bit in the moment.

p.s., I just read Steve's column about reaction and response -- have you read that yet? It's right on topic.

I am pretty sure she is still into me as she does still message me suggestive stuff on facebook and always texts me when she's drunk...

You are absolutely righ though... I just need to be straight with her.

The reality is that I want to spend time with the boys... I always find this stuff difficult because I don't like hurting people, but you are absolutley right... honesty is the only way.

Another concern that I have is that she will want to spend a lot of time with me... (She is always asking me when am I coming back to Dubai.) I don't mind one evening, but i don't really want to spend a load of nights with her as i rarely get to see my best mate and I want to be partying with him the entire time.

First things first... I am going to tell her and I am going to see how she reacts. Then I will tell deal with the rest accordingly.

Thanks for your words Angela.

P x

[Addict]

COMMUNICATE... Grow some balls and just tell her that I am here to see my best mate and we can go out one night but that I am not interested in anything more happening.

You got it, buddy.