Resolving Conflicts

[Chado2423]

I just sort of noticed that there doesn't seem to be much discussion on resolving conflicts. Of course there have been many "complainers" about the relationships with others (ME INCLUDED!!!), but what are your theories on resolving relationship conflicts?

[joelyle]

...find points of internal conflict.

See aspects of yourself in others. Read Steve's article on resolving family issues...

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ship-problems/

This applies to other relationships as well. Seek peace.

Sounds simple..takes some pratice and discipline.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I just sort of noticed that there doesn't seem to be much discussion on resolving conflicts.

That's funny -- it seems to me that's all we ever talk about!

Similar to what joelyle says, if you take 100% responsibility for the conflict within yourself, it doesn't have to even appear in your relationship. That's in a perfect world, of course. But if you're lucky enough to create a relationship with someone who, like you, recognizes that the conflicts you have with her are little gifts -- little possible openings into further self-awareness and deeper love -- and who holds you and herself to the commitment to that, you're really blessed.

[Mark Lapierre]

There's probably no general thread on resolving conflicts because people often have trouble applying general principles to specific situations.

I agree with the suggestion that resolving conflicts with others starts with resolving internal conflicts. But the question of how to resolve those conflicts still remains. Steve's post is a good start.

Anything which fosters self-acceptance is another productive avenue. I suspect total self-acceptance would make acceptance of others so much easier, or even inevitable.

And while working on yourself, remember you can (and probably should) involve other people. Resolving your issues doesn't mean shutting yourself in your room until you've got everything sorted out. Engage others in the process, reflect, then discuss your reflections with your friends.

[Chado2423]

I really wasn't wanting this thread to deal with a specific conflict, rather conflict resolution skills for any situation....

[Mark Lapierre]

Understood, hence those couple of suggestions. But hopefully someone more knowledgeable that me can provide better suggestions (I'm not much of a negotiator, or diplomat. Most of the time I just say what I want to say without much concern for how I say it. That's not a good thing if you're trying to resolve conflicts )

[JimOfferman]

I think that most conflicts can be resolved quite easily, once all parties involved fully understand each other as most conflicts stem from misunderstanding. What I always do in conflict situations is this:

1. Always operate under the assumption that everyone involved is willing and trying to resolve the conflict (if that is not the case, there is no hope for a resolution)
2. Take time to understand the position of the conflicting parties - don't just listen to what they say, try to really understand where they are coming from
3. Explain your position again and again, in different wordings if necessary, until you are certain that the other parties involved have understood your position as well.
4. Shallow your pride and be prepared to admit defeat. If your arguments are proven to be wrong, admit it. Or maybe your arguments are valid, but not necessarily more valid than those made by the conflicting parties. Perhaps your point isn't worth fighting over... at any rate, don't let pride stop you from resolving a conflict.

It's been my experience that if you are willing to admit defeat every now and then, people also find it easier to come around to your side when you do have the strongest argument. I'm not saying that you should admit defeat willy nilly - just keep in mind that losing an argument (when your arguments are the weakest) can benefit you in the long run. Loose a battle, win the war.

(Note: I'm a Libra, so I can sweet talk myself out of nigh any situation)

Jim.