Thoughts about "helping"

[songwriter]

I'm not a lightworker I think... but I like to help people. Online too, if I can give an advice on someone asking for it, it makes me happy.
But recently I've started doubting about if helping people is such a good thing.
Often help works when you advice something that somehow is something the one asking for help thinks too... so basically you're not doing much... or maybe yes...

But, when you're opinion is out of the mindset of the asker is not such a good think.

The easiest example is the blindman that doesn't want to be helped in so many things, he wants to do it all alone.
I started some thread "How to find a love partner?", the first one of the threads about girlfriends, sex, love, etc.... and I had a lot of answers... but none of them was "useful" for me as I see it... so it was painful for me seeing so many people trying to help me. I felt guilty.

I'm gonna try some days without my "helping habit" and see what happens, that includes this board too... Maybe this post helps someone in the same situation, hehe... I'll try it would be my last help for a while, let's see...

[lizthefair]

This is an interesting point of view.

I tend to think about helping as providing opportunities for paradigm shifts. Often when we are stuck it's because we are thinking about problems the way we have always thought of them, so when I offer assistance I try to help people see their problem in a new way.

When I'm on the asking for help side, sometimes I get just the paradigm shifting assistance I need, but I also get stuff that probably feels paradigm shifting to the advice giver, but feels unrelated or unhelpful to me. Which leads me to realize that many people probably feel that way about my advice too!

I don't think I'm quite ready to stop trying to help, but thanks to your good observation here, I will work on offering thoughts without getting attached to whether they are embraced or not by the asker.

[Rose of Cairo]

Thanks for this input Songwriter!

I'm noticing right now that I'm too attached to the outcome too when I try to help someone. Liz is right, I'll try to train detachment in this aera too. It's my main work currently anyway.

But I think that offering some help is still a good idea even though it doesn't resonate with the person. You can never know how useful your advice will be. If it's not and they feel guilty about it, it's their problem, not mine

Of course it's useless and in my opinion disrespectful to help someone who doesn't want help...

[songwriter]

yes, paradigme shift...

like showing your point of view and asking him to take a look of it...

The bad news is that I haven't able to do it. I keep posting advices, less than before... I really want to stop just for the sake of what happens.

When I take decisions I often perceive synchronicities about it... maybe some will come.

I often think that we ask more for reassurement than for help. Like, "life is crap... Ain't It?" a "Life is not crap" would not be "welcomed", and would not be of any help.
The other way round too. "You can grow as a person" it will like to you if you already think like that...

In my experience I remember that when I had some mindset I didn't follow advices against that mindset. But when I was in doubt about my beliefs, I reminded the advice given to me and tried the other mindset.
Maybe I would have done it... without any advice... if I was asking for advice it's because I was already wondering for some other mindset.

I want to know if help... helps. Sometimes I feel that help is like when politicians do their speech in front of people they're supposed to be convinced by them.... but they already are, that's why they're there.

[Christian223]

I was just about to post something about this.

I think that often people are not ready for your help, that most of the time they are too proud/afraid to even recognize their own mistakes, or weaknesess, and that all they want is to be recognized, understood, aknowledged, they all want someone to agree with, not someone who helps them change, or grow.

Im very young, specially in this self growth thing, but i still want to help, even though i know i dont know very much, i still think that i can give a little bit of truth, so the other person can get a spark of inspiration, maybe, from that little bit of turh i give, maybe with the other help the person recieves we will all form a complete puzzle with each bit of help we offer, so who knows. Its even better here in this forums because people who not participate can read and get ideas of the things we share, so we have no idea of how many people we are helping/influencing in ways we dont know.

Ill do some EFT about this.

[boxofrain]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

But I think that offering some help is still a good idea even though it doesn't resonate with the person.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"-Wayne Gretsky

Very interesting topic. When I offer advice to someone, I find that I take it personally if they don't follow it. "Hurt" may not be the right word...but it's the first word that comes to mind. Like Rose, I will still offer help but will try to emotionally detach myself from the outcome or course of action taken by the inquirer.

[JimOfferman]

I find that in offering advice to someone, I often end up helping myself too. In particular on a forum like this, where you have to put your advice in writing and can read it back later. Most of the times, I have a much clearer picture about myself - how I view the subject and where I still need to grow - after posting here.

So, for me at least, it works both ways - ain't that grand!

Jim.

[Phil Parkinson]

Originally Posted by songwriter

I'm not a lightworker I think... but I like to help people. Online too, if I can give an advice on someone asking for it, it makes me happy.
But recently I've started doubting about if helping people is such a good thing.
Often help works when you advice something that somehow is something the one asking for help thinks too... so basically you're not doing much... or maybe yes...

But, when you're opinion is out of the mindset of the asker is not such a good think.

The easiest example is the blindman that doesn't want to be helped in so many things, he wants to do it all alone.
I started some thread "How to find a love partner?", the first one of the threads about girlfriends, sex, love, etc.... and I had a lot of answers... but none of them was "useful" for me as I see it... so it was painful for me seeing so many people trying to help me. I felt guilty.

I'm gonna try some days without my "helping habit" and see what happens, that includes this board too... Maybe this post helps someone in the same situation, hehe... I'll try it would be my last help for a while, let's see...

I think that's a fairly negative way of looking at the situation.

You can only ever give your opinion... and you give it out of your best intentions... Your advice may be releavant or it may not be, but the fact it... you gave your time and effort to help someone else.

You are not responsible for the outcome of them following your advice... the only thing that's important is that you gave your experience honestly and with good intent.

I think you shoudl always continue to help people because sometimes your advice may be worthless... other times it may really help someone. So you will help some people.

If you do nothing, you will help no one.

Phil x

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I find that in offering advice to someone, I often end up helping myself too. In particular on a forum like this, where you have to put your advice in writing and can read it back later. Most of the times, I have a much clearer picture about myself - how I view the subject and where I still need to grow - after posting here.

So, for me at least, it works both ways - ain't that grand!

Jim.

yeah, I feel it too. I try to explain something in written and I see it much clearer too.

By the way, how many people reads these posts????
Cause I think the "views" shown are only views from members not from guests....