Have I been a [user] all this time?

[Sanity Panda]

Currently I'm 18. Most of my life I haven't really known many girls. I re-call a period of time when I was much younger when I would crush on fictional characters in books and such (not a pretty image )

When I was 14, I met a girl who seemed to be interested in me, I can't remember if I was interested in her but we did talk extensively back then and became really good friends. Later on she would tell me that she liked me and I accepted her confession since I liked her as well, although during that period it seemed like she was more into me than vice-versa. Fast forward to now. She has decided that it won't work and I find myself in the position of wanting her emotional connection, to be with her.

What I would like is some clarification on what I've been doing all this time.

The thing that is troubling me is, Did I basically fall for her because she is the first girl that I had come across & because I wanted an emotional bond? (Despite always saying that one should not get in a relationship for the sake of a relationship, seems ironic now.)

Would this mean that I was never interested in her as a girlfriend, just the fact that we had a bond. How about my friendship, suddenly I can't tell whether it's real or not, that it was just me using my closest friend.

It seems like a ridiculous idea to question if my friendship is genuine or not but I would like some perspective on the situation.

[Phil Parkinson]

Originally Posted by Sanity Panda

Currently I'm 18. Most of my life I haven't really known many girls. I re-call a period of time when I was much younger when I would crush on fictional characters in books and such (not a pretty image )

When I was 14, I met a girl who seemed to be interested in me, I can't remember if I was interested in her but we did talk extensively back then and became really good friends. Later on she would tell me that she liked me and I accepted her confession since I liked her as well, although during that period it seemed like she was more into me than vice-versa. Fast forward to now. She has decided that it won't work and I find myself in the position of wanting her emotional connection, to be with her.

What I would like is some clarification on what I've been doing all this time.

The thing that is troubling me is, Did I basically fall for her because she is the first girl that I had come across & because I wanted an emotional bond? (Despite always saying that one should not get in a relationship for the sake of a relationship, seems ironic now.)

Would this mean that I was never interested in her as a girlfriend, just the fact that we had a bond. How about my friendship, suddenly I can't tell whether it's real or not, that it was just me using my closest friend.

It seems like a ridiculous idea to question if my friendship is genuine or not but I would like some perspective on the situation.

It's very difficult to diagnose problems like this via forum posts because there are 100s of variables that go into situations such as these.

I think a good question would be to ask yourself... "Do you think you have feelings for this girl because she has told you she is not interested in you?" If the answer is yes, then that is not the best barometer for how you actually feel about this girl. It's more about not feeling rejected than actually wanting this girl.

with regard to the friendship... if you have only just started to realise you have feelings for her then surely you must have been friends with her before that?

Phil x