should women ask men out?

[pjhaggerty]

You are obviously interested. So you should ask him out. At the very least, he will be flattered, even if he does not accept. I know I would be.

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by pjhaggerty

You are obviously interested. So you should ask him out. At the very least, he will be flattered, even if he does not accept. I know I would be.

That's nothing, I'd feel like I'm the greatest macho in the world!

[Bob Bobson]

Angela, I see the validity behind your argument, but I find it to be slightly generalized against males. No offense though

Although being asked out by the man in your current relationship might have lead to success, it may not work that way for other people. I have asked out a couple of women in my lifetime and I always felt extremely dissatisfied with myself afterwards. Part of the reason for why I felt this way was because they were the "You HAVE to ask me out" types; and I was unhappy that I gave them the satisfaction of being asked out when they weren't even willing to lift a finger for me. I find these types of women to be extremely dull, lame, lazy, weak, boring and not worth the time of day. This egotistical attitude all together just seems very hypocritical, and is such a turn off that it automatically cancels out whatever good looks and other characteristics a woman might have.

It is because of this double standard that I have developed a bit of an aversion toward asking women out myself. In fact, only under a handful of circumstances would I even consider doing so. The only way that I would is if I knew that she wasn't the stubborn type who always requires the guy to make the first move. In my eyes, if a woman isn't willing to put forth an equal effort to start a relationship then she really doesn't deserve to be in one in the first place.

The thing about me is that I'm a non-conformist, and I devote strongly to my virtues. I love when a woman asks me out because I like knowing that she was willing to break the "rules of society" entirely due to her interest in me. I find that to be a very beautiful display of true passion. Plus I think it's boring to do what everbody else does, I want to follow the road that is traveled by few. I mean, if a woman says yes to being asked out then I guess it could mean that she likes you at least a little; but if she goes out of her way to ask you out then there's just no question. And it goes even farther beyond that; it's also a great display of confidence, courage, initiative, and cognitive strength. I personally find that aggressive woman ultimately shine brighter (in an abstract sense), have more colorful personalities and are far more interresting than the dull egotrips who will sit there and play mind games with you until you surrender and go talk to HER.

The bottom line is that it should only boil down to personal preference. Ladies, despite some of the toxic propaganda that some insecure and weak men may have influences you with, I can tell you personally that most men like being asked out. And if you as a girl prefer to be asked out, that's fine. My only problem is this pre-conditioning of society where books and movies try to drill it into our heads that all relationships need to be started by the man. It's a double standard, it's hypocritical, and it's pretty darn boring. Where's the variety!?!?!

The system should be balanced, end of story.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Bob Bobson

Angela, I see the validity behind your argument, but I find it to be slightly generalized against males. No offense though

Although being asked out by the man in your current relationship might have lead to success, it may not work that way for other people.

Wow, you're reviving an old conversation!

If you read the whole two years (!) of thread, I think you'll notice that I agree with you. (except for the "against males" part. I'm definitely pro-male.)

Welcome to the forums!

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

Wow, you're reviving an old conversation!

If you read the whole two years (!) of thread, I think you'll notice that I agree with you. (except for the "against males" part. I'm definitely pro-male.)

Welcome to the forums!

LOL! I started reading the thread without realising how old it is, and I read you refer to Danger Man. I was like, whoah, hang on... did she accidentally blurt out her ex's name? Then I realised the post was written in 2007. haha.

[Cheese96]

Personally, I think you should ask. But of course, you already have. There could be a number of reasons he didn't answer.

Long story short: You'll never know what works for you unless you try it.

Also, I don't agree with some of the things written here about how women should ask men because it makes them out to be more dominate and sets them up for more work in the relationship. This implies that the man should handle the majority of work but each partner has an equal responsibility in the relationship.

[scotthegeek]

Originally Posted by Angela

My advice is: Don't ask a man out; let him know you'd welcome him asking you out.

I've done a lot of asking/being asked in my time, and it has become clear to me in my own life and in other women's lives that long-term relationships work much better when the dynamic begins with the man being the aggressor.*

Men say that they welcome and are flattered by women doing the asking, and it is great for getting sex! Or short-term relationships. But in the long run, I think it's better to do men the honor of allowing them to be the assertive, dynamic, initiating force in the very beginning. It's pretty easy to let a man know you would welcome being asked out, and the practice of making yourself welcoming and available makes you feel sexy and alluring to all men, not just to this one guy.

Some people will go all batshit on me and say this is a sexist attitude, I'm sure. I'm just saying, in my experience, being the aggressor vs. allowing yourself to be pursued are two valuable ways of being, depending on what you want.

*The exception to this would be if the woman has a personality that is aggressive, initiating, prefers to control and be the dominant force in a relationship AND the man has a personality that is regressive, less ambitious, and prefers to follow.

I generally agree with Angela put its one of the those question we get on the forum where there is no right or wrong answer but I will give you my point of view.

I don't want to sound like I'm putting myself down but I'm shy and insecure and I'm learning about dating and as much as it sound good for the woman to ask the guy out and I would think I wanted her to take the lead it would be easier. I have found that I'm empower and feel alive when I took the lead and get the girl by myself. I feel masculine. That just the nature of the beast.

I think the girl should ask by not asking its hard for men to read the signs you might have to turn up the heat a little to warm the guy up. I think its better for the man to think he is doing the asking even when he is not.

Scott

[Lynn 007]

Everyone is different but my personal story is I asked my husband out for a quick coffee/tea which ended up lasting 5 hours but only seemed like 1 hour to each of us. I have never asked a man out prior to this but "I knew' I wanted to be with him. He is very very shy and would have never asked me out - plus we worked together and he was in a managerial position which was against company policy.

We have been together 25 years (married 23) and I absolutley love him as much today as our wedding day.

Life is too short to worry about the "what if's". Go for it!!!

ps-If you ask and he didn't answer you at least deserve a reply.

[LostMyMap]

This is the best thing I've read here all day.

Originally Posted by Lynn 007

Everyone is different but my personal story is I asked my husband out for a quick coffee/tea which ended up lasting 5 hours but only seemed like 1 hour to each of us. I have never asked a man out prior to this but "I knew' I wanted to be with him. He is very very shy and would have never asked me out - plus we worked together and he was in a managerial position which was against company policy.

We have been together 25 years (married 23) and I absolutley love him as much today as our wedding day.

Life is too short to worry about the "what if's". Go for it!!!

ps-If you ask and he didn't answer you at least deserve a reply.

[Lynn 007]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

This is the best thing I've read here all day.

Thank LMM.

I consider myself very fortunate considering I was barely out my teenage years when we were married. I knew our chances of survival were slim (according to stats). Thankfully our communication skills and SENSE OF HUMOUR has helped us get over the bumps. They have made us stronger.

You can accomplish and survive anything if you and your mate work together.

Be happy and challenge yourself, and each other!!!

[scotthegeek]

Originally Posted by Lynn 007

Everyone is different but my personal story is I asked my husband out for a quick coffee/tea which ended up lasting 5 hours but only seemed like 1 hour to each of us. I have never asked a man out prior to this but "I knew' I wanted to be with him. He is very very shy and would have never asked me out - plus we worked together and he was in a managerial position which was against company policy.

We have been together 25 years (married 23) and I absolutley love him as much today as our wedding day.

Life is too short to worry about the "what if's". Go for it!!!

ps-If you ask and he didn't answer you at least deserve a reply.

What a wonderful story that is why these kind of question on the form have not right or wrong answer there have been times then girls have ask me to party and to help with homework in high school but I was to shy but now I'm getting better but I still believe for me that if I take the lead things general things seem to go better. But things maybe totally different if I go on more dates. I know I tend to may big generalize statements because I have so little experience with dating. I try to take everything with a grain of salt because I have to find what works for me.

Scott