Moving On

[jtrikster]

I guess you guys already get my drift with my title; moving on.
so...how do you move on?
I've always been told if someone wants to leave your life you let them. if they want to walk away you just forget about it. what makes it hard is when you confuse a seasonal with a lifelong person. you think they're a tree root but end up being a leaf who just takes from the tree.
so how do you move on?
suggestions? comments?

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

I guess you guys already get my drift with my title; moving on.
so...how do you move on?
I've always been told if someone wants to leave your life you let them. if they want to walk away you just forget about it. what makes it hard is when you confuse a seasonal with a lifelong person. you think they're a tree root but end up being a leaf who just takes from the tree.
so how do you move on?
suggestions? comments?

Contrary to popular beleif, moving on is not always the best option for everyone. In fact I posed a question on here regarding which choice to make... apologizing, making ammends, becoming friends, moving on, letting go... when you really look at them they're all choices. I have had much the same advice in my life, and much of it I think is not very practical and quite condescending. Telling someone to forget about their lost life, is almost like saying "I don't have the faith in you to be able to work things out with that person." Ultimately, however, really only YOU can make the choice. Either you stick with all the advice you hear, or you determine your own course of action. If you feel led one way, but you don't go that way, simply because of what you hear, then you'll just be continually sabatoging yourself. I'm not saying their isn't good advice for you out there, but I'd just be careful which to pick from. I've come to veiw advice like fruits. If you want an orange, you can't pick from the apple tree. I've discovered that I asked my parents advice on this, but they don't fit the bill because they've never done what I want to do. It's like asking someone who has never skydived how to skydive. A lot of times when we ask for advice we are so anxious, we ask just about anybody. But think about it like this... If you want to teach elementary school, do you go to school for Aviation? So I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop asking advice from people who never did what it is that I want to do. I also stopped asking advice from people who told me that what I wanted to do was impossible, or shouldn't be done. Who do they think they are anyway? Most often we get the impossible's and shouldn't's from people who haven't succeeded in that area in their own life...
I am not going to suggest that you move on, or that you don't. But I am going to suggest that you work out and figure out which option is best for you and your former partner. Much of the conventional wisdom teaching all the strategies to get a lover back, or to communicate better, or to move on, to let go, whatever are really of poor quality (IMO). The truth is, its a choice that only you can really determine. You can choose to adhere the advice others give to you, but if it's not working for you then most likely it wa bad advice in the first place.

[jtrikster]

i definitely see where you're coming from, taking high level advice from low level people. Very enlightening.

Initially with my response I began writing about the situation and realized that my question was an unecessary one. I just realized that I know what needs to be done and I already knew I had the tools to achieve this. (Long story short)

The details of this realization is quite simple. When everything happened, I was working from a very low level paradigm enveloped in low level cyclical thinking. What I need to do is raise my awareness and be in a higher state of mind consistently; make it apart of my nature.

I've been going through a rut the past few days and I wrote this post as a result. I don't regret it though, It's been a very englihtening 20 mins. It was a nice booster.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

i definitely see where you're coming from, taking high level advice from low level people. Very enlightening.

I personally don't veiw anyone as low leveled advice... everyone in my world has a unique perspective on things... but that's just it... it's a unique perspective... different... none of the advice is high or low, just on different sides of the spectrum.

One of my old friends knew this idea, and he said "If you had a kid, would you ask him the way to New York?" I thought about it, and said "Yes." And he said, "But what if he didn't know the way?" And I told him, that I concluded with that answer because how would I know whether or not he knew the way unless I asked him.

You can ask advice from anyone, but be realistically optimisitic in your approach... accept the fact that they may or may not know the answer to your questions. And there is always the concept of asking yourself for advice... which too many of us are cautious to do, because we don't believe that we have the answers...

[jtrikster]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I personally don't veiw anyone as low leveled advice... everyone in my world has a unique perspective on things... but that's just it... it's a unique perspective... different... none of the advice is high or low, just on different sides of the spectrum.

That's not what's meant here. What's meant is high level advice coming from low level people. That's doesn't mean the advice they're giving is low level. Think of it as someone giving advice but never taking it themselves. Kinda like that. They're telling you how to organize your life better but have a very disorganized life themselves.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

They're telling you how to organize your life better but have a very disorganized life themselves.

I think there are many cases where the people who give advice would not necessarily follow that same advice themselves, but that doesn't make the words any less valuable. An athlete follows the training regime as laid out by his trainer even if the trainer doesn't follow the same regime.

[jtrikster]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I think there are many cases where the people who give advice would not necessarily follow that same advice themselves, but that doesn't make the words any less valuable. An athlete follows the training regime as laid out by his trainer even if the trainer doesn't follow the same regime.

I didn't say it wasn't valuable.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

Think of it as someone giving advice but never taking it themselves.

This does happen. Some people are kin to give others advice, but don't fix their own challenges. Others have underlying subconconcious motives when giving you advice. The trick is to ask the right advice from the right person. Not all people want to have a better relationship with their ex, and are happy without them. "But what is one man's happiness is another man's depression." How do you like that trick on an old famous quote? The key is to ask advice from the people who are knowledgeable in what it is you are trying to achieve. If you are asking someone who is not responsible enough to adhere to the advice they should be giving to themselves, whose fault it is really? Don't worry I fell into this trap too. However demeaning this may sound, this truthfully means we are also not being responsible enough to seek advice from the right resources. (Hmmm... maybe I should adhere to my own advice... lol, I just realized a major area of my life that I sought out answers for from the wrong resources-imagine that.)

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by jtrikster

I didn't say it wasn't valuable.

Ehrm, nope, you didn't... guess I must have (incorrectly) inferred that from your words somehow...

[jtrikster]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Ehrm, nope, you didn't... guess I must have (incorrectly) inferred that from your words somehow...

I agree with your post 100% though. It's like filtering out the noise and listening to the harmony.